just some thoughts..
Someday.....is not a day of the week. But yet, someday is all I can think about EVERYDAY of the week.. I just want to get on with life... I am so relieved I am going back to Plattsburgh because when I get there at least I know I'm NOT from there...but I'm finding who I am inside by being there. I'm learning slowly to love myself more and more everyday...and it's like when I come back here it sets me back into a somewhat immature.. unhappy place I rather not be in. I feel life in a way is too predictable when it's time spent at home... I have grown so much by moving away... and I'm so ecstatic about living in the burgh over the summer with Eric. It's beyond words right now....how happy I am thinking about my future. My decisions... everything. I can't look back..not even to yesterday, for I'm thoroughly content with tomorrow...and that is all I need right now.
I just want to wake up to reality...and have my dream before I wake...be real. I just want to be married already..I just want Eric to have his job so we can move to Burlington VT..I just want to have my career going, I just want life to start with my independence....financially speaking...for I've never been independent as in..."single"....I don't think my life was ever written without someone else sharing my life with me.....and I believe that because I've never been too long without a significant other since I've started dating boys.
I might have seemed so complex....hard to understand...many other words I wish not to put on here for I'm not out to demean myself. I'm over it. I'm done with the stupid labels we all have for ourselves....for myself.
Sometimes...I look in the mirror and all I see is myself...and I see a critic within myself as I look at my face from various angles...trying to see the unique beauty on the outside. Sometimes I wonder how I can even look at myself, my face. But then...honestly...it hits me. We are all beautiful. We are beautiful because we each have our own look...our own faces....our smiles...it all shows our demeanour...and no matter what one person says someone else has a different view on it...it's just....I find it rather...wonderful.
I wouldn't mind...for one day..to be famous....to be a face on a magazine. That would feel amazing. But, I admire those who have such positions in life....because I can't imagine the amount of anxiety over critics from millions of people who would do anything to hurt a person in the spotlights image.
Just...be you... it's not about someday......someday isnt a day of the week.. but it's about everyday of your life...you can only be happy when you want to be...and the decisions you make...are because of who you are.
..those are my words of the night....
goodnight world...
I just want to wake up to reality...and have my dream before I wake...be real. I just want to be married already..I just want Eric to have his job so we can move to Burlington VT..I just want to have my career going, I just want life to start with my independence....financially speaking...for I've never been independent as in..."single"....I don't think my life was ever written without someone else sharing my life with me.....and I believe that because I've never been too long without a significant other since I've started dating boys.
I might have seemed so complex....hard to understand...many other words I wish not to put on here for I'm not out to demean myself. I'm over it. I'm done with the stupid labels we all have for ourselves....for myself.
Sometimes...I look in the mirror and all I see is myself...and I see a critic within myself as I look at my face from various angles...trying to see the unique beauty on the outside. Sometimes I wonder how I can even look at myself, my face. But then...honestly...it hits me. We are all beautiful. We are beautiful because we each have our own look...our own faces....our smiles...it all shows our demeanour...and no matter what one person says someone else has a different view on it...it's just....I find it rather...wonderful.
I wouldn't mind...for one day..to be famous....to be a face on a magazine. That would feel amazing. But, I admire those who have such positions in life....because I can't imagine the amount of anxiety over critics from millions of people who would do anything to hurt a person in the spotlights image.
Just...be you... it's not about someday......someday isnt a day of the week.. but it's about everyday of your life...you can only be happy when you want to be...and the decisions you make...are because of who you are.
..those are my words of the night....
goodnight world...