melo
so i started a melo account b/c beth has one and she's boycotting lj. as a matter of fact, she had a really nice update, but it's on pvt or something. boo, you whore!
not much going on. it's tuesday, so i have group tonight. i went last week and i always forget how nice it is to be around people w/the same issues as me.....bipolar, depression, anxiety, etc. something i've noticed recently.......when you tell a person that you're bipolar, they kinda take a step back. *lmao* i mean, really.....like i'm fucking contagious or like i'm gonna go ape shit all of a sudden or some shit. it's definitely comical, not so much offensive as it is completely ridiculous. it's true that i can go ape shit at a moment's notice, but now that i'm on meds, the situation has to be built up to it. so i'm still like a pressure cooker, just not as big of one.
so yeah, this cold weather shit has got to go. it's march! get fucking warm already. i'm ready for the beach. i'm tired of looking ashy and white. although, i still have the same tan lines i had from last season. lol, it's kinda funny, but i'm still extremely white......compared to what i was. and i can't WAIT to get back into my swimsuit. i've managed not to put on anymore weight this winter, so it should still fit the same. as a matter of fact, i lost five pounds the other day. well, not the other day, but i checked it the other day and it said i lost five pounds. so whoopee!!!
i so need to clean my house. i just haven't felt like it.....for like, a while now. maybe on my days off i'll get something done. i've just let things go b/c i've been too depressed to do anything about it, or even care to. no one comes over. it's too expensive to go anywhere for anyone, including me, so everyone just stays home. i just realized i don't have a lot of friends down here. but the ones i do have are like me, constantly broke. so i stay home. besides, it's been too fucking cold recently to do anything or go anywhere. so yeah, i need to clean my house. i even brought the vaccuum over from meena's house the other day, hoping it would motivate me to do something. anything.....but alas, no. my house is still filthy dirty.
i kinda threw a fit the other day when i got the gas bill, which i'm behind on. bills are just so overwhelming right now, i don't even wanna deal w/them. i'm also behind on the phone bill, but i get paid on friday, so that will be taken care of. everything else will have to wait till next payday. i'm so sick and tired of living paycheck to fucking paycheck. now that's depressing. i need to get a second job, which i plan on hunting for later on this week. i have $5 to put in my gas tank and that has to get me through the rest of the week till fucking friday. i'm just overwhelmed financially at the moment. and i fucking hate it.
for the most part though, i'm doing alright. or at least as best as can be expected. people who know a lot about my condition say that it's pretty much a miracle in and of itself that i'm living on my own and taking care of my own expenses. most people who are bipolar can't.....it's hard not to spend money on things other than bills. it's hard sometimes not to just blow half my paycheck at walmart on groceries and little bullshit things like movies and make-up and shit. it's just a matter of staying focused and on track. so it takes some people by surprise when i tell them that, yes, i do infact live on my own. no one handles my finances for me, i do that on my own. meena still has power of attorney over me for emergencies....like, if i need her to go pick up my meds or something. she has the authority to do a lot of things, but i never really need her to. she does help me stay focused and on track, so that is a big help. she's my rock, my girl, my ho for life.....and i don't know where i'd be w/o her.
not much going on. it's tuesday, so i have group tonight. i went last week and i always forget how nice it is to be around people w/the same issues as me.....bipolar, depression, anxiety, etc. something i've noticed recently.......when you tell a person that you're bipolar, they kinda take a step back. *lmao* i mean, really.....like i'm fucking contagious or like i'm gonna go ape shit all of a sudden or some shit. it's definitely comical, not so much offensive as it is completely ridiculous. it's true that i can go ape shit at a moment's notice, but now that i'm on meds, the situation has to be built up to it. so i'm still like a pressure cooker, just not as big of one.
so yeah, this cold weather shit has got to go. it's march! get fucking warm already. i'm ready for the beach. i'm tired of looking ashy and white. although, i still have the same tan lines i had from last season. lol, it's kinda funny, but i'm still extremely white......compared to what i was. and i can't WAIT to get back into my swimsuit. i've managed not to put on anymore weight this winter, so it should still fit the same. as a matter of fact, i lost five pounds the other day. well, not the other day, but i checked it the other day and it said i lost five pounds. so whoopee!!!
i so need to clean my house. i just haven't felt like it.....for like, a while now. maybe on my days off i'll get something done. i've just let things go b/c i've been too depressed to do anything about it, or even care to. no one comes over. it's too expensive to go anywhere for anyone, including me, so everyone just stays home. i just realized i don't have a lot of friends down here. but the ones i do have are like me, constantly broke. so i stay home. besides, it's been too fucking cold recently to do anything or go anywhere. so yeah, i need to clean my house. i even brought the vaccuum over from meena's house the other day, hoping it would motivate me to do something. anything.....but alas, no. my house is still filthy dirty.
i kinda threw a fit the other day when i got the gas bill, which i'm behind on. bills are just so overwhelming right now, i don't even wanna deal w/them. i'm also behind on the phone bill, but i get paid on friday, so that will be taken care of. everything else will have to wait till next payday. i'm so sick and tired of living paycheck to fucking paycheck. now that's depressing. i need to get a second job, which i plan on hunting for later on this week. i have $5 to put in my gas tank and that has to get me through the rest of the week till fucking friday. i'm just overwhelmed financially at the moment. and i fucking hate it.
for the most part though, i'm doing alright. or at least as best as can be expected. people who know a lot about my condition say that it's pretty much a miracle in and of itself that i'm living on my own and taking care of my own expenses. most people who are bipolar can't.....it's hard not to spend money on things other than bills. it's hard sometimes not to just blow half my paycheck at walmart on groceries and little bullshit things like movies and make-up and shit. it's just a matter of staying focused and on track. so it takes some people by surprise when i tell them that, yes, i do infact live on my own. no one handles my finances for me, i do that on my own. meena still has power of attorney over me for emergencies....like, if i need her to go pick up my meds or something. she has the authority to do a lot of things, but i never really need her to. she does help me stay focused and on track, so that is a big help. she's my rock, my girl, my ho for life.....and i don't know where i'd be w/o her.