Ballroom Duress
Talking of tangos and slaps in the face, Strictly Come Dancing's back tonight. The rest of 2013 is now sullied.
How long has it been going? 10 years? If you went back in time to before it started and went up and down the country, asking the millions who were to become its regular watchers if they felt that what their lives were lacking was a four-month ballroom dancing show on Saturday nights, I bet most of them would laugh you out of their homes. And yet here we are. The BBC has sold sunglasses to Eskimos on an epic scale and must feel very smug about it. Viewer or not, Strictly Come Dancing's continued success makes fools of us all.
The name is despicable. The show is Celebrity Come Dancing: why not call a spade a spade? Grammatically, the name is a nonsense. And the shortening of the name to its first word is abhorrent. I am utterly infuriated whenever Strictly Come Dancing is referred to as 'Strictly'. 1. Using an adverb as a substitute for a noun phrase just doesn't work. 2. SCD is a mainstream weekend TV programme watched by millions, and the pseudo-exclusivity suggested by giving it an 'affectionate nickname' is therefore ludicrous.
Did you know that the peerless William G. Stewart was on course to appear on Strictly Come Dancing three years ago? However, not long after he was accepted, they turned round and told him that actually they weren't prepared to insure somebody of his age (mid-70s). This despite the fact that SCD's own presenter is in his 80s. What thoroughbred bleeps the BBC can be.
The rival channel's Saturday night staples, The X Factor and Britain's Got Talent, are preferable in that they have the public as contestants. It's a community service of sorts. Strict Dumb Prancing is for celebrities to have a second bite of the cherry, regardless of whether they ever deserved the first. As for Bruce Revengeofthesyth, who has been masticating his cherry since the world was in black and white, he... I... I wish the old man no harm, but I would be pleased if retirement called to him, long and loud.
I resented having to catch the end of Sh*tly Come Sh*tting every time I switched on for Merlin. Currently, then, I do not have to watch it. The last two words of the previous sentence, if said aloud with the emphasis on the second syllable, sum it up for me. Incidentally, someone I know had an encounter with vulpine sh*t this very morning, diarrhoea in fact, which sums it up in much the same way. Strictly Come Dancing: a load of fox trots.