accelerating into the turn
I've been wary making a decree of this nature, simply because going so far inevitably endangers collapse. Some days I wake up afraid to breathe, for fear that the subtlest breeze will bring the darkness back crashing down. Other days I wake up to my alarm and the faint glow of a greying dawn, creeping it's way back in time towards the days of summer one minute at a time, and sigh contentedly that the darkness is banishing itself. But it's all there, and I feel like whispering it...
I'm happy.
I danced in the rain last night, I was so happy. I want to go running again and to feel my body moving and carrying itself in strength. I keep feeling like bursting out into song, and have... although only in the back corners of the tissue culture room, with strong insulation between me and everyone else. I crave healthy food again. I drink wine like it's an elixir of laughter, not a gateway to tears. Inside my head, I'm screaming in disbelief... in gratitude... in pure joy. I know that there will be another physically challenging and emotionally crushing week in a short while and I know that I will be pushed back into the depths for a short while... but in this week, with all it's craziness and stress, I can say it... I am happy.
I AM HAPPY.
I'm happy.
I danced in the rain last night, I was so happy. I want to go running again and to feel my body moving and carrying itself in strength. I keep feeling like bursting out into song, and have... although only in the back corners of the tissue culture room, with strong insulation between me and everyone else. I crave healthy food again. I drink wine like it's an elixir of laughter, not a gateway to tears. Inside my head, I'm screaming in disbelief... in gratitude... in pure joy. I know that there will be another physically challenging and emotionally crushing week in a short while and I know that I will be pushed back into the depths for a short while... but in this week, with all it's craziness and stress, I can say it... I am happy.
I AM HAPPY.