All of this has happened before...let's change it this time around
What do I want? I have no idea, but I know I want to scream…over and over and over. I want to scream and yell and rail until my lungs feel like they want to burst. I think that might be a good place to start.
I know that I am changing...for the worse and possibly for the better, though I wish I knew how much my previous choices would weigh around my neck. I have a love hate relationship with women and food and the worse it gets and the more I stress, the more I eat. Comments that are dropped which shouldn’t dig, but do.
I think women are all fucking nuts and that should be a good state of mind. It doesn’t help that my self image is changing…to a younger self image. Blah.
Just freaking shoot me.
Listening to Everyday is Exactly the Same by NIN and it hurts. I make the same choices expecting change…which is technically insanity. I am apologetic to the point of submission and have faded to the background. It is…unnerving. I am glad to be gone from Perot. I don’t think I could take corporate life again. I do know that I light up when talking with my nephews and explaining things to them. So I know I can be happy…those moments are just few and far between. It is like life is just existence. This is my note in the bottle…and I suppose I hope someone finds it.
Lyrics:
believe I can see the future
Because I repeat the same routine
I think I used to have a purpose
Then again, that might have been a dream
I think I used to have a voice
Now I never make a sound
I just do what I’ve been told
I really don’t want them to come around
Oh, no.
Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same
I can feel their eyes are watching
In case I lose myself again
Sometimes I think I’m happy here
Sometimes, yeah, I still pretend
I can’t remember how this got started
But I can tell you exactly how it will end.
Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same
(spoken)
I’m writing on a little piece of paper
I’m hoping someday you might find
Well, I’ll hide it behind something
They won’t look behind
I am still inside here
A little bit comes bleeding through
I wish this could have been any other way
But I just don’t know, I don’t know,
What else I can do…
Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain
(Every day) *repeat 4 times as Chorus is playing*
(There is no love) *repeat 2 times*
Every day is the same!