You Will Wait For Me ...
Week 6 is finished. Time seems to be flying a bit. It was .... difficult. I had gotten used to the beginning weeks, and was feeling pretty confident, and then WHAM! You're not in shape at all, fool! Bow down to the Insanity gods and sweat out 75% of your body weight!
But! This morning I noticed my thighs are kind of awesome now. Which is great, since they have long been the bane of my existence. Thank you, Shaun T, for making me do so many squats that I wanted to punch you in the face. Although, if I ever meet you, I will punch you in the face for putting 5 different kinds of pushups in Max Plyo. You sadistic bastard.
Three more weeks to go!
Have you guys ever gone to the grocery store and looked at cake mixes and pondered some of the flavors? I always pondered strawberry. Do people eat strawberry cake? That just sounds wrong. What did people do with it? Well, I've found out. They make chocolate-covered strawberry cake balls. And then they rejoice. I brought them down to Quonset on Saturday for meeting Kristin's boyfriend, because baked goods = good first impression, as a general rule (After giving 10 to Brad so he'd stop pouting that I WAS BAKING FOR ANOTHER MAN, haha) My next baking project will be these double chocolate Oreo cookies for him (He has an Oreo obsession that cannot be rivaled) and I still need to make the strawberry cheesecake muffins. We need to have a get-together just so I can bake. And then cry when everyone eats Gizmo's superior baked goods.
Spring is coming! I got to take a few walks this past week. Oh, it was lovely. Walking and thinking and daydreaming and listening to music and breathing the fresh air ..... aaaaahhhhhhhhh! I want it to be not-raining. I need the weather to be gorgeous. I need to be outside. Although walking always makes me long for San Diego - I used to take 6 mile meandering walks all summer in SD. Eventually the conflicting halves of my brain when it comes to SD will have to be settled. But until then, I'll just miss it.
My jealousy-ragey issues have gotten so much better as Arin-and-Brad has become more and more secure. We talk every day. He can say the "I love you" words. People know and recognize us together. But sometimes (and I blame a lot of this on it being February) my brain just haywires out. I walked out yesterday morning to take the trash out and he was standing out there smoking with his GA and Candle Bitch, and I seriously just wanted to body slam her and yell "MINE!" And it's not fair to him (not that he knows) that old doubts, old insecurities make me expect for him to hurt me. For everything else really, I could care less about Glenn anymore, but that alone is why I hate him. I hate him for making me feel unlovable, not good enough, and not-trusting. I deserved better. It's taken me years to actually accept and believe that, and now I know it's true. I deserved so, so much better. And I hate him for making me feel like less than I am. I don't know how to push past the mental block, the panic that no guy will ever be satisfied with just me. But I love Brad, and I'm going to be enough for him.