(no subject)
Well, it's been a long time since I've updated my journal.
N-E-Wayz, nothing new going on with my life.....well, I have a few dilemmas. I really can't talk about what happened earlier this week. Let's just say IT WAS SO FUCKED UP! A few others should know what I'm talking about.
Another thing, I'm having trouble with someone.....Michael Osbourne. He's been asking me about us and I was like.....okay??? I didn't know what to say. He's with one of my good friends and he is asking me back out again. I don't know what to do. We was on the phone Tuesday night, and we talked about....well, it was sexual related stuff. He told me most of his deep dark secrets to me, which I didn't have a problem with at all. But, he told me that he wanted to hang out with me. That's where the trouble kicks in. During the summer, he asked me out when I came to a pool party at Enid's. Errol was there also. Michael started spilling out all of these feelings he had for me. Holy shit, dude. The only reason that he didn't tell me earlier, which would have been in my freshman year, is because he didn't think I had a thing for white guys. Yeah, I do.....I went out with one in my 8th grade year. So yeah.....I ended up making out with him that day. What I'm scared of is that next Friday we were going out. I don't have any idea what's going to happen. I really don't want anything to have because he's engaged to someone and that's fucked up. Which brings me to my next problem.
Last night on the way home, Enid and I had a conversation about Michael and how much he wants me. Now, the problem with me is when it comes to sexual contact with guys and sometimes girls, I become very vulnerable. Shit, I can't help that I say yes to pleasure every time. It's something that I'm use to, especially the type of childhood that I had. For one thing, I told Enid that I can't stand relationships. Why??? Relationships is only taking friendships to the next level. So, where does the commitment come in.....nowhere. To me, there is no such thing as commitment in relationships. Why do you always here the phrase...."I think we should be friends," at the end of a relationship? The thing with me is that I have fucked up over 5 years trying to find that someone. I can't even go up to a person and say "I have feelings for you." I just can't do it anymore. Richard was in the car with us, and he mentioned about what happened between me and him in 10th grade. That whole thing.....was my fault. I can't control my sexual actions towards the people that I like. Richard and I would have been better friends right now if that didn't happen. I felt bad last night. I even cried in front of Enid.
Well, I'm doing okay right now. I'm still thinking about hanging out with Michael next Friday. N-E-Wayz, final exams are coming up. Holy shit, dude. Then after that, one more semester until graduation. Hell yeah!!!
Peace out!!!
N-E-Wayz, nothing new going on with my life.....well, I have a few dilemmas. I really can't talk about what happened earlier this week. Let's just say IT WAS SO FUCKED UP! A few others should know what I'm talking about.
Another thing, I'm having trouble with someone.....Michael Osbourne. He's been asking me about us and I was like.....okay??? I didn't know what to say. He's with one of my good friends and he is asking me back out again. I don't know what to do. We was on the phone Tuesday night, and we talked about....well, it was sexual related stuff. He told me most of his deep dark secrets to me, which I didn't have a problem with at all. But, he told me that he wanted to hang out with me. That's where the trouble kicks in. During the summer, he asked me out when I came to a pool party at Enid's. Errol was there also. Michael started spilling out all of these feelings he had for me. Holy shit, dude. The only reason that he didn't tell me earlier, which would have been in my freshman year, is because he didn't think I had a thing for white guys. Yeah, I do.....I went out with one in my 8th grade year. So yeah.....I ended up making out with him that day. What I'm scared of is that next Friday we were going out. I don't have any idea what's going to happen. I really don't want anything to have because he's engaged to someone and that's fucked up. Which brings me to my next problem.
Last night on the way home, Enid and I had a conversation about Michael and how much he wants me. Now, the problem with me is when it comes to sexual contact with guys and sometimes girls, I become very vulnerable. Shit, I can't help that I say yes to pleasure every time. It's something that I'm use to, especially the type of childhood that I had. For one thing, I told Enid that I can't stand relationships. Why??? Relationships is only taking friendships to the next level. So, where does the commitment come in.....nowhere. To me, there is no such thing as commitment in relationships. Why do you always here the phrase...."I think we should be friends," at the end of a relationship? The thing with me is that I have fucked up over 5 years trying to find that someone. I can't even go up to a person and say "I have feelings for you." I just can't do it anymore. Richard was in the car with us, and he mentioned about what happened between me and him in 10th grade. That whole thing.....was my fault. I can't control my sexual actions towards the people that I like. Richard and I would have been better friends right now if that didn't happen. I felt bad last night. I even cried in front of Enid.
Well, I'm doing okay right now. I'm still thinking about hanging out with Michael next Friday. N-E-Wayz, final exams are coming up. Holy shit, dude. Then after that, one more semester until graduation. Hell yeah!!!
Peace out!!!