(no subject)
i love picking things. i love the dirty and grotesque.
i love popping pimples. i love picking scabs. i love cleaning ear wax. i love smoothing out ingrown hairs, and plucking stray ones. i love scritching off dry skin and dandruff; and not just from myself.
i love the inner workings of the human body. i love the ooey-gooey sticky bits. i love tendons and tissues. i love stitches and skin grafts. i love taking blood and giving needles. if i would be allowed, i'd ask to stand in on my mother's ankle replacement surgery, and watch the surgeon take out the leftover bone, piece by piece, and replace it with a bionic one. the line-up of interns wanting to stand in on that surgery must be a mile long.
i don't think there's anything i would love more in this world than pathology, and yet i don't want to commit ten years of my life and 80k to learn how to cut things open an analyze the damage.
maybe there's an offshore school, with an 8-month degree in "How to Autopsy Shit; 101" and "Tophomy 102; easier than it sounds."
my very, very good friend just had a mental collapse because of university. he spent four years working his ass off to get a degree in history, only to realize that it would take another 4 of community college (which he could have just started out in) to get the job he wants. he realized that a Bachelors with Honours in History is the same as having a Bachelors in Playdough. It's impressive to have, but in the career path that he's aiming for, means pretty well jack shit.
this worries me. i've told my friends and family that i have put off going to college/university because i just don't have the money, and that i'm saving up to pay my tuition so i have no student loans due. my bank account has 1000$ in it after two years of work. obviously i don't care much for squirreling monetary goods away. the reason why i haven't gone for it is that i'm terrified of the commitment. what if i bust my ass to get a bachelors of pathobiology and get rejected by med. school? what if i don't like it? what if i spend 40k on a BA, and end up doing "finishing school" at the college down the road, where i could have started from and be in the workforce for those four years: which is very very likely; my college offers a 3 year Med Technician/Pathology Assistant program for half the price of a degree from any university here.
what's more important? money saved? money earned post college? speed and ease of degree? happiness?
i need a coffee.