(no subject)
I always strive to be funny, rather than melodramatic. there's no reason not to laugh at life. to be honest, life is fucking ridiculous. but what happened today caught me so off guard, that I can't find a way to be funny about it.
i was almost swindled into joining the army today.
i don't use the term swindled lightly, as i pray and hope and believe with all my might that all human beings are not born inherently twisted and maliciously selfish. a billion years of evolution has gifted us with this mass of folded gelatin between our ears that is capable of contemplating the vastness of the universe, conniving the most intricate of plans, and caring so completely and unapologetically; i can't allow myself to believe we clawed our way to the top of the food chain by undermining our own species. i can't say with confidence that we achieved this genetic superiority by crushing the needy and the desperate; but as hard as i try to convince myself of this, there's always some sort of history - a word, or an action so small as short-changing a senior a few pennies - that reminds me of the vicious core of humanity.
the dictionary describes swindling as;
to put forward plausible schemes or use unscrupulous trickery to defraud others; cheat.
i was serving him, and making idle chat as a waitress is often conditioned to do. that in itself is an act of swindling. chiming a "Your child is so well behaved!" as you pick up shards of glass and strings of noodles from the floor. a cheery "How are you? How's the Mrs? Your regular today?" to a face you can only connect to a curry dish and a series of shiny embossed numbers associated with a piece of plastic and his credit score. all of this simply to show them a flash of individuality, in hopes that this humanness they didn't see before, or with any other server, fishes a few more dollars from their pocket into yours. because of this, i can't blame the soldier for what he did, and what he continues to do. we are the same occupation in very different settings. I am just shocked that it almost worked.
He asked if i was in school, as many people do in what i think is a way to find common ground between themselves and their now-human server. "You go to school? Shit! I went to school practically my WHOLE DAMN LIFE." Most of the time, people don't care. If you say yes, they'll ask what courses you're taking, hoping that you'll say something familiar to them so they can begin talking about themselves. Waitresses are an outlet for that, you know. Most people get to talk about themselves so little, that at any excuse they can find is excuse enough.
"English, you say? Well i spoke english so damn well in college that i was valedictorian! and my spawn speaks english so damn well that he speaks it in three different languages! can you imagine that? now i can live vicariously again through the fruit of my loins because the thought of aging has demented my sense of self worth so drastically that i've forgotten that all my experiences and wisdom severely outweigh the fact that i'm no longer the age of majority! also, did you see the three cars that i unnecessarily purchased as a status symbol to show my neighbours that i am more wealthy than them? here, let me show you a picture of one that i took on my android-powered phone, typically designed for busy business executives that require a ton of organization and file-sharing, though i fully intend to only use it at home in my private wireless hotspot to access social networking sites because i don't actually want to pay the data charges, and i want my 32 friends to see that i have updated my status from this prime piece of technology."
For me, however, when they ask if I'm in school, I say "No. I want to. Unfortunately they require this stuff called money, and I have none of that". Usually, they'll say something dismissive like "Oh, well, just keep working at it!" or "Oh, that's too bad" and forget the whole conversation. Not many of my clientele can connect with someone who has no money.
But the soldier was different. He listened to me and asked that, if I had unlimited fund, what would I do with myself?
I told him I would pursue a medical degree in pathology.
He went on to sing a siren's song that felt on it's very edges too good to be true, but wholly and undeniably believable. He told me about how the army would pay for my education, outright. No questions asked, no grades required, no application wait times. He told me about how the 8 - 10 years I spent in medical school was fully salaried - i would be paid to become a doctor. i was told that those ten long years would count toward the mere 25 that was required to earn a fully pension for the rest of my life. i was told that, upon graduating, that i would walk out of the university as a Captain, with only a handful of generals my superiors, and with the rest of the army under my stripes. i was told that there would be no desperately moving around, trying to find internships at teaching hospitals - that my position would be secure and guaranteed. i was told that the blank spaces in my health care, like dental and vision care, would be filled and completely covered - even cosmetic procedures would be completely covered (not that I would need that, with the easy 110k yearly salary, to start). How I would recieve an extra thousand dollars monthly if i was shipped into a warzone for danger-pay, even if my only job was to sit inside a clinic and take cold patients once a week. But then, what he said next to me made my heart shrivel inside my chest.
"There's only one real downside, though. When they send you to basic training, it's... tough. It's a lot like crate training a dog. You're cut off from your friends and family, from your toys. You eat and sleep when they tell you to. You're molded to how they want you. It's rough, but it's definitely worth it."
That hit me hard. How much are my friends and family worth to me? How much am I willing to mold my soul to the will of another? How much of myself and my life am I willing to sell? I realized, in this year especially, that people and relationships are more valuable than you can put a price on. I realized that, you can't get back those missed moments, and once someone is gone, they're gone for good. That spending an evening with a loved one is a lot more meaningful than buying that new android-powered phone. I realized that, in that moment, his entire pitch was simply him doing his job, rather than actually caring about the success of my career. I realized that, if the army could count on my head, than he would probably earn a significant bounty from it. He was commissioned to find me and people like me. Those with potential, but no way to reach it. The desperate. The needy. He knew it was hell. He was being maliciously selfish.
He left me his number, and said that if I wanted to set up an appointment, I should call as soon as I was ready. And as much as I hate to admit it, I still might call.
i promise tomorrow will be a funnier day.
i was almost swindled into joining the army today.
i don't use the term swindled lightly, as i pray and hope and believe with all my might that all human beings are not born inherently twisted and maliciously selfish. a billion years of evolution has gifted us with this mass of folded gelatin between our ears that is capable of contemplating the vastness of the universe, conniving the most intricate of plans, and caring so completely and unapologetically; i can't allow myself to believe we clawed our way to the top of the food chain by undermining our own species. i can't say with confidence that we achieved this genetic superiority by crushing the needy and the desperate; but as hard as i try to convince myself of this, there's always some sort of history - a word, or an action so small as short-changing a senior a few pennies - that reminds me of the vicious core of humanity.
the dictionary describes swindling as;
to put forward plausible schemes or use unscrupulous trickery to defraud others; cheat.
i was serving him, and making idle chat as a waitress is often conditioned to do. that in itself is an act of swindling. chiming a "Your child is so well behaved!" as you pick up shards of glass and strings of noodles from the floor. a cheery "How are you? How's the Mrs? Your regular today?" to a face you can only connect to a curry dish and a series of shiny embossed numbers associated with a piece of plastic and his credit score. all of this simply to show them a flash of individuality, in hopes that this humanness they didn't see before, or with any other server, fishes a few more dollars from their pocket into yours. because of this, i can't blame the soldier for what he did, and what he continues to do. we are the same occupation in very different settings. I am just shocked that it almost worked.
He asked if i was in school, as many people do in what i think is a way to find common ground between themselves and their now-human server. "You go to school? Shit! I went to school practically my WHOLE DAMN LIFE." Most of the time, people don't care. If you say yes, they'll ask what courses you're taking, hoping that you'll say something familiar to them so they can begin talking about themselves. Waitresses are an outlet for that, you know. Most people get to talk about themselves so little, that at any excuse they can find is excuse enough.
"English, you say? Well i spoke english so damn well in college that i was valedictorian! and my spawn speaks english so damn well that he speaks it in three different languages! can you imagine that? now i can live vicariously again through the fruit of my loins because the thought of aging has demented my sense of self worth so drastically that i've forgotten that all my experiences and wisdom severely outweigh the fact that i'm no longer the age of majority! also, did you see the three cars that i unnecessarily purchased as a status symbol to show my neighbours that i am more wealthy than them? here, let me show you a picture of one that i took on my android-powered phone, typically designed for busy business executives that require a ton of organization and file-sharing, though i fully intend to only use it at home in my private wireless hotspot to access social networking sites because i don't actually want to pay the data charges, and i want my 32 friends to see that i have updated my status from this prime piece of technology."
For me, however, when they ask if I'm in school, I say "No. I want to. Unfortunately they require this stuff called money, and I have none of that". Usually, they'll say something dismissive like "Oh, well, just keep working at it!" or "Oh, that's too bad" and forget the whole conversation. Not many of my clientele can connect with someone who has no money.
But the soldier was different. He listened to me and asked that, if I had unlimited fund, what would I do with myself?
I told him I would pursue a medical degree in pathology.
He went on to sing a siren's song that felt on it's very edges too good to be true, but wholly and undeniably believable. He told me about how the army would pay for my education, outright. No questions asked, no grades required, no application wait times. He told me about how the 8 - 10 years I spent in medical school was fully salaried - i would be paid to become a doctor. i was told that those ten long years would count toward the mere 25 that was required to earn a fully pension for the rest of my life. i was told that, upon graduating, that i would walk out of the university as a Captain, with only a handful of generals my superiors, and with the rest of the army under my stripes. i was told that there would be no desperately moving around, trying to find internships at teaching hospitals - that my position would be secure and guaranteed. i was told that the blank spaces in my health care, like dental and vision care, would be filled and completely covered - even cosmetic procedures would be completely covered (not that I would need that, with the easy 110k yearly salary, to start). How I would recieve an extra thousand dollars monthly if i was shipped into a warzone for danger-pay, even if my only job was to sit inside a clinic and take cold patients once a week. But then, what he said next to me made my heart shrivel inside my chest.
"There's only one real downside, though. When they send you to basic training, it's... tough. It's a lot like crate training a dog. You're cut off from your friends and family, from your toys. You eat and sleep when they tell you to. You're molded to how they want you. It's rough, but it's definitely worth it."
That hit me hard. How much are my friends and family worth to me? How much am I willing to mold my soul to the will of another? How much of myself and my life am I willing to sell? I realized, in this year especially, that people and relationships are more valuable than you can put a price on. I realized that, you can't get back those missed moments, and once someone is gone, they're gone for good. That spending an evening with a loved one is a lot more meaningful than buying that new android-powered phone. I realized that, in that moment, his entire pitch was simply him doing his job, rather than actually caring about the success of my career. I realized that, if the army could count on my head, than he would probably earn a significant bounty from it. He was commissioned to find me and people like me. Those with potential, but no way to reach it. The desperate. The needy. He knew it was hell. He was being maliciously selfish.
He left me his number, and said that if I wanted to set up an appointment, I should call as soon as I was ready. And as much as I hate to admit it, I still might call.
i promise tomorrow will be a funnier day.