Sadness overtaketh me.
It is here in the darkness that I fear my own thoughts. I fear even the thought of trying to rest my head on the pillow. As long as I'm awake, I can do other things to occupy my mind. But when I find myself sleeping into the slumber, the nightmare continues. I miss my daughter more than anyone can know. It feels as if there is something squeezing the life out of me a little more every day. In all of this, the one thing I cannot seem to get anyone to understand is this. I am not jealous of the relationship between him and her. I am however deeply hurt and saddened by the relationship of another woman and my child. The child that I carried in my body for 8 months. The child I gave birth to. The child that I held in my arms at night. It is my daughter that she puts her hands on. It is my daughter that she lays with. I miss doing those things with her so much and to see someone else getting that chance, well, I don't really think I can put that kind of pain into words. It is the kind of pain that nothing will take away. For six months I have cried because of the sacrifice I made. Six months I have spent, wanting to just have my daughter next to me at night. Six months of missing out on schooling, snuggling, hugs, kisses, and smiles. I want those things back more than anything in this world. I just want to hold my baby to me and have that moment of peace again. To know that not only do I not get that chance, but there is someone else that does kills me a little more everyday. How do you make the pain stop? How do you stop crying yourself to sleep every night? Does anyone know? I don't. I just want to stop hurting. I want my little girl. I miss her with every breath I take. I will always miss her as long as I cannot be with her. I love you so much my little one. I can't tell you that enough.