DIVISION FIC :: "Five" [Jinny/CD, NC17]
Title: Five
Author: A. Magiluna Stormwriter
Email: stormwriter@shatterstorm.net
Rating: NC17
Pairings: Jinny/CD
Date: 14-22 September 2007
Word Count: 7255
Written For: dogged_by_muses' Fragments of Sappho 2007 Challenge-a-thon
Recipient: shonn
Summary: What should have happened to CD after the events of "Acts of Betrayal"
Spoilers: 3x22 "Acts of Betrayal" and beyond
Warnings: Reference to character death, swerves off into AU-land
Website: Frisked & Conquered
Link to: http://f-n-c.shatterstorm.net/
Archive: ShatterStorm Productions only...all others ask for permission & we'll see...
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of Lifetime Television, Kedzie Productions, Viacom Productions, and Paramount. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. This site is in no way affiliated with "The Division", Lifetime Television, or any representatives of Bonnie Bedelia, Nancy McKeon, Lisa Vidal, or Tracey Needham. This site contains stories between two mature, consenting adult females.
Author's Notes: This was written for shonn, based on a request for the Fragments of Sappho 2007 Challenge-a-thon. The original claim & Sapphic fragment are as follows:
Fandom & Pairing: The Division | C.D./Jinny
Prompts: a first kiss, an accident
Squicks: main character death, any type of bondage
Rating: no preferred rating
Spoilers: Spoil away!
I long and seek after
The minute I saw this request being submitted, I knew I had to write it. I haven't written for these characters, particularly in this fandom, in a very, very long time. At first, I wasn't sure I could do it, despite signing up for it. And then tarnishandtears came over one day and we showed her the end of "Acts of Betrayal", which cemented what I wanted to do with my story. I'd always hated how TPTB ended CD's storyline; in fact, it was the reason I stopped watching the show. This gave me a way to fix it.
There are a couple of jokes for shatterpath and myself in this story. The first is CD's home therapy nurse, Barbara. She was named and patterned after the character Barbara on Bad Girls. The second is Casey's partner Geoff, who was named after the long-running Eddie Izzard jokes. We couldn't help ourselves… *g*
A quick note on the dialogue in CD's POV in the 5 seconds before through 5 seconds after section. That is transcribed exactly from the episode itself. Any inconsistencies are based on the aired version of the dialogue, as opposed to any scripted version that might be out there.
Inspirational Notes: While writing this, particularly the initial sections up through five minutes after, I got a lot of inspiration from a variety of songs, with the most inspiration coming from the following:
"Remember" by Disturbed
"Awaken" by Disturbed ***
"Clay People" by Disturbed, StaticX, Slipknot
"Open Up" by Lamb
"Psycho" by Disturbed **
"The Game" by Disturbed **
"Forgive Me" by Godsmack **
"I Stand Alone" by Godsmack
"Hands of Death (Burn Baby Burn)" by Alice Cooper & Rob Zombie
The stars show the level of influence on those early sections of the story. Disturbed's "Awaken" was a huge influence, particularly the following lyrics:
"Lost and alone
Imprisoned now inside your mind
With the way you tried
To destroy me again
You were waiting and living for no one
With the way you tried
To completely refuse all your life"
Dedication: To my muses, for never really leaving, just going on extended vacations.
Beta: shatterpath, as usual
"Five"
by A. Magiluna Stormwriter
** 5 minutes before **
++ CD ++
As I raise my hand to knock on the door, I have to wonder just what the in the hell I'm doing here like this. Yes, Liz is a Fed, and a damned good one from what I remember of her record. But there's too damned many loose ends left in this situation. How the hell can a good cop go bad like that? Cop, Fed, whatever.
And speaking of good cops fucking up, I shouldn't be here without some sort of backup. Dick would have my ass for pulling a stupid stunt like this; I should have at least let the captain know what I'm doing. I should know better than this.
Now she's opening the door and it's too late to do anything but my best to fix this shit now. Hopefully she'll be amenable to what I have to say.
++ Jinny ++
What am I doing? Spilling my guts to a shrink like I've got diarrhea of the mouth or something. But I'm not really lying about what I'm saying either. Not like the last time I was forced to do one of these evaluations. The drinking, the drugs, the men. When is it going to stop? What's it going to take for me to stop hurting myself, trying to kill myself?
I thought Jack was different. I thought he'd be the one to make me want to change myself, change my self-destructive games. In some ways, he did; and in other ways, he made it so much worse. Before Jack, there was only the alcohol and the random sex. After Jack, the pills came into play. That's not getting better, not by any stretch of the imagination.
What's it going to take, Jinny? John's dead, Jack's gone, Dad's a shell of himself and living with Ronnie, Casey doesn't need to be protected anymore. Who's left for you to take care of now? Just Jinny.
But am I strong enough to do that?
** 5 second before to 5 seconds after **
++ CD ++
"I like you, CD, but you're too good a cop. I can't take the risk. I'm really gonna hate this."
Oh shit! She can't be serious! Is she actually going where I think she is? "Why are you--?"
"Because I come from the same place that you do: nowhere. It was never the job that mattered. It was about getting out. And I'm almost there."
She really does have a gun! Shit, what am I gonna do now? I don't want to have to shoot her if I don't have to. "No, come on. We can -- We can make this right, Liz. You're not gonna kill me." That's right, keep thinking that way, CD. Maybe it'll come true. Why the hell did I think I could do this alone? What kind of stupid idiot am I? Being independent is one thing; being stupidly so is entirely another.
"After Tom, you'll be a snap."
When she pulls the pillow up as a makeshift silencer, I spring into action. I'm not going to let this stupid bitch kill me because she can't keep her nose clean. No more trying to reason with her, she's going down. I toss my badge at her; it's all the distraction I need to draw my own gun on her as her shot goes zinging toward the ceiling. I send a brief hope that no one's home in the apartment above us, or that they don't get hurt, as I take aim and pull the trigger. I'm nothing if not an accurate shot, and I feel a momentary smugness as the red stain blossoms just above her left breast.
But it's a temporary victory as I hear the third shot ring out, accompanied by a blossoming burn in my own gut. I'm thrown back into some boxes, struggling to breathe. I can't feel my gun, only the fire and difficulty to breathe.
Shit! Nobody knows I'm here. I'm gonna die alone with this stupid bitch.
++ Jinny ++
I'm feeling better about this whole therapy thing. I can do this. I've got a lot of work to do, and I know it won't be easy at all. I don't expect it to be. There's way too much damage done for this to be an easy fix. Hell, if the booze couldn't be an easy fix, the head shrinking certainly won't be.
I scratch at the back of my head, something doesn't feel right. I can't seriously be having second thoughts about this therapy already, can I? This isn't fair, damn it! I'm supposed to be getting better, not worse.
No, it's definitely not second thoughts. This is totally different. This is a feeling I haven't had in a long, long time. Somebody's in trouble. Shit! Is it Jack? Magda? Dad? What the hell's going on?
Am I gonna be too late?
** 5 minutes after **
++ CD ++
Jeezus, I can't breathe. This is... I can't feel my damned arm either. I hope she's dead, 'cause I can't defend myself now. I'm really gonna die here. I can't even keep my eyes open, it hurts so damned bad. What's going to happen now? Who's gonna even know I'm here?
Phone. Call someone. It hurts to breathe, it hurts to move, but I gotta make this call. I try to lift the phone so I can see who I'm calling, but it hurts too damned much. I've got speed dial set on every number, all cops. Somebody can help me out. I suck in a breath as I press the button and wait, fighting the edges of blackness creeping in. Damn, but it's cold in here. I don't remember it being this cold before.
"CD?"
I can hear that voice so faintly. I try to say something, give the indication I'm here and in trouble, but all I can do is rasp in each agonizing breath. And then that hand goes numb and I feel the phone dropping to the floor. But I can still hear that voice, growing more and more frantic as I fall further into the darkness where pain doesn't exist anymore.
++ Jinny ++
There's an odd sensation of a weight lifted from my shoulders, while another is being settled heavily, suffocatingly around my chest. I fish in my pocket for my cell phone to call the captain, when it starts vibrating in my hand. What the hell? Why is she calling me at this time of day?
"CD?" I ask curiously, but I can't hear anything on the other end of the line. Just this weird, labored breathing. "CD? You okay? What's going on?" There's a hint of a moan on the tail of one of those raspy breaths, like she's trying to say something but can't. "Where are you, CD? Talk to me, okay?"
"Shah--" comes through before I hear the tinny clatter of the phone falling.
"CD! Stay with me! Don't you dare die on me, damn it!" I'm pressing the phone so close to my head, it hurts, but I can't lose her right now. I run back into the therapist's office and grab the receptionist's phone, fearfully punching in the numbers to the captain's phone. "C'mon, CD, stay with me." I glare at the receptionist, keeping her quiet.
"McCafferty."
"Captain, it's Exstead. Find a way to put a trace on the call for my cell."
"Jinny? What the hell?"
"Something's wrong with CD, Cap," I rush the words out, straining to hear CD's faint breathing. "She called me from her cell, but she can't talk. She sounds bad, and I don't know where she is."
"Get over here now," comes the worried snap. "I'll see what I can do. You keep her on the line as long as you can."
"No problem," I growl, slamming down the phone as I head out to my car. I fumble for the earphone and start the car. Without thought, I flip on both light and siren. I don't need any further damned distractions keeping me from saving CD. "Come on, CD, hang in there. Captain's gonna do what she can to get your fix so we can come find you. But you gotta stay with me, okay?"
There's only the faint rasping sounds of her breathing on the other end to let me know she's still there. Heart lodged and pounding loudly in my throat, I keep talking to her as I head over to the precinct. We can't lose CD like this, we just can't.
** 5 hours after **
++ Jinny ++
I can't believe I've been sitting in this damned waiting room for so long. When the hell are they going to be done fixing up CD? A quick glance shows me that the captain is feeling pretty close to the same way as me right now. Magda and Raina were here earlier, but McCafferty sent them both home because there was nothing they could do. Magda has Ben and Gabe to think about anyway.
I'm not really sure how Nate feels. He left a couple hours ago, after getting his ass handed to him on a gold platter by the captain. I still can't believe that he and CD were seriously considering a relationship. Jeezus, didn't CD learn anything from Magda and Peter? Or me and Jack? What the hell's been going on in her mind over this?
Damn it! Why won't they tell us something yet? I can't get rid of the image of CD laying there, covered in her own blood, not breathing, not moving, her phone still laying there in her palm. I couldn't honestly tell if she was breathing or not when I first got there. Every single time I close my eyes, that's all I can see. If she hadn't been so damned pale and still, and bloody, I'd have thought she was sleeping in a really fucked up position. It wasn't until after it registered I was too late, that I realized I hadn't checked to see if that damned Fed was dead, too. McCafferty ran in after me, reading me the riot act for just barging in without any regard for my safety, but she stopped the instant she saw CD laying there. She went almost as pale as CD was, and I honestly thought she was gonna pass out or puke right then and there. I wasn't very far behind her, to be totally honest.
It was a very strange sensation to be standing over CD's lifeless body, realizing that it was too late to save her. Knowing that I'd never be able to see her in the bullpen again, to never have her tease me about, well, anything; it was like the floor had fallen out from beneath me. The scent of the blood and gun powder had me ready to puke, but I wouldn't leave until I knew the paramedics could revive her enough to get her to the hospital. McCafferty couldn't even get me to leave until after CD was put in the ambulance.
It was...
"Jinny, when's the last time you ate?"
I stare up at her, not really comprehending the question. Before I can answer, some guy in scrubs comes walking in. "Are you here for Ms. DeLorenzo?"
I'm on my feet faster than I thought I could get up. "Is she okay? What's going on?" It's only McCafferty's hand on my shoulder than keeps me from backing him up against a wall to get the information I want.
"I'm Captain McCafferty, Doctor. How's CD doing?"
"By all rights? I shouldn't be talking to you, and she should be down in the morgue," he says, and I can't help the low growl escaping my lips. He blinks in surprise, but continues. "The fact that the paramedics were able to revive her so quickly and easily is definitely in her favor. She did lose a lot of blood in the process, but we should be able to replace that with transfusions. Thankfully, she's got a common enough blood type."
"We're setting up a blood drive down at the precinct," McCafferty says in her best captain's voice.
How in the hell can she sound so damned calm and collected when I'm all torn up inside over this? I listened as CD breathed what could have been her last breath. Her damned phone was still actively on the line with me when I stood over her body. I had to shut the thing off myself.
"She did lose part of the left lung. The bullet pierced the lower left quadrant, deflating it pretty quickly. The lung's been put back together and re-inflated, but she's been intubated until the damage is better healed. No other organs were injured, surprisingly, and the entrance and exit wounds themselves were very clean."
"When can we see her?" Was that me?
"She's been taken to recovery, but she probably won't wake up for several more hours at the earliest. You'll want to go home, get some rest, eat something. I wouldn't bother coming back until tomorrow."
"Thank you for your recommendations, Doctor, but we'll be sticking around. If you can point us in the direction of the nearest waiting room to where she is, we'll bide our time there until she's conscious again."
"You do realize that she might not wake up for quite some time, if ever."
"You don't know CD if you think that way," I growl, wanting to tear his throat out for even considering she might not wake up. Before I can say anything more, my stomach rumbles loudly.
"If you'll point us in the direction of the waiting room nearest where she'll be, we'll just go get something to eat and wait for her," McCafferty says, using a far more polite tone that I would. Maybe that's why she's the one talking, not me.
** 5 days after **
++ CD ++
"Hey, CD, how ya doing?"
The soft sounds of Jinny's voice bring me back to consciousness again, despite wanting to fall back into the drug-induced sleep that's kept the pain at bay. It seems every time I've worked my way up to some sort of consciousness, I'm always hearing either Jinny's voice or the captain's. I haven't once heard Nate's voice, or even smelled his aftershave. It's like he just doesn't exist anymore. But maybe that's a good thing. I was stupid to think anything would work between me and him. Jinny said he's considering a transfer back to Narcotics. I hope he gets what he wants out of it.
"Aren't you sick of hearing my voice yet?"
No, not at all. Your voice kept me fighting when I just wanted to let go and stop the pain.
"I, um, keep expecting you to open up those baby blues of yours and give me that patented DeLorenzo glare; tell me to shut the hell up because I don't know what I'm talking about."
Oh god, Jinny, I wish I could. It's just too tiring to even think about doing that.
"Come on, you wuss. You're stronger than this! You can kick ass at kickboxing, but you can't beat a little fatigue and a booboo? What kinda cop are you? Dick'd kick your ass for lying around on your lazy ass for so long."
"Shuh-up," I manage to slur, surprised at how scratchy my voice sounds.
"C'mon, CD. I just need one good glare and I'll shut up," she continues, fingers tracing lightly across the palm of my hand. "Unless you're just too much of a pussy to do it."
"Shuh-up," I repeat, swallowing painfully against my dry throat. With an extreme effort of will, I crack one eye open to glare blearily at her smiling face.
"That's my girl!" she crows, squeezing my hand. "I knew you were in there somewhere." Her brilliant smile feels almost too bright to handle. "Open both of those beautiful eyes and I'll give you some ice to soothe your throat."
++ Jinny ++
I've never been so damned happy as I am when CD rasps for me to shut up. I barely understand the slurred words, but I definitely get their intent. And when she does manage to open her eyes, it's one of the most beautiful things I've seen in a long time. I don't even care that her eyes are bloodshot and she's having focusing issues. She's opened her eyes and talked to me. She's on her way back to me -- to us.
I reach for the container of ice, only to find it's been reduced to warm water. "I gotta get you some more ice. Can you stay awake long enough for me to do that?" I can see the weariness in her eyes. "Please?" When she nods, I grin and squeeze her hand before grabbing the bucket.
As I head out into the hallway, I catch a glimpse of Magda and the captain coming down the hallway. I can't help the surge of jealousy that they're going to squeeze in on my time with CD. She talked to me, and they're gonna monopolize her small amounts of energy now. That's not fair, damn it!
And as soon as the sensation hits me, I realize how insane it sounds. This is CD. She's been around since before Magda became my partner, and the captain's known her the longest of all of us. It seems like practically since the Academy, it's been me, her and Magda with McCafferty watching over all of us. Of course, they should be happy to know she's awake and starting to talk again. She's simply my coworker and... And I guess that's it. She was gonna get involved with Nate, and I've been less than successful with men so far, so does that mean I'll be any better with women? Probably not. No, whatever this is I'm thinking I'm feeling should just be nipped in the bud ASAP.
Grumbling to myself, I quickly get more ice for CD and head back to her room. As I walk in, I can hear McCafferty's relieved voice talking to CD, interspersed with Magda's excited babbling in Spanish. But the instant she knows the door is open, those bloodshot blue eyes move to focus on me and I'm graced with a smile so slight I could be imagining it, but it's a smile aimed solely at me. I can't help but grinning stupidly in return, hoping the heat in my cheeks is internal and not visible. I so don't need my partner or my captain badgering me about this.
** 5 weeks after **
++ CD ++
"Get out!" I growl, sucking in a painful breath as I slump onto the rented hospital bed.
"Mrs. DeLorenzo--"
"Ms. DeLorenzo, Barbara! And you can go to hell if you think I'm gonna do any more of this crap today!" I wrap my arms around my ribs, fighting back the frustrated tears that always seem to come after therapy.
"If you want it to stop hurting, you need to continue with the physical therapy," she replies, starting to sound exasperated with me. "If you don't, then you can continue with the pain and the hospital bed for the rest of your life. Seems stupid you don't want to resume sharing a bed with your partner again."
"What?" I spin around to stare at her, gasping at the burn in my skin from the effort.
"Oh come on now, honey," she continues, pursing her lips at me. "You don't honestly think I'm so blind that I can't see how much she dotes on you? And when you wind up in pain after these sessions, she's wandering around here like a whipped puppy. But if you'd rather sleep on this damned single bed than be back with that girl that loves you, that's your decision I suppose. If it was me, and I had somebody that devoted to me, I wouldn't let them out of my sight." She picks up her purse and bag and heads for the door. "I'll see you in two days, honey. You do your exercises like you're supposed to, and this won't be so damned painful. And then you can get back to the kind of exercise that makes you feel good, if you know what I mean."
I can't speak; I have absolutely no powers of speech at this point, and I can only watch her walk out of the room. Thank God Jinny's not here to hear this! She'd be so angry that Barbara made the assumption about us... Wouldn't she? I mean, she's always slept with guys, from what I've seen. And I've had occasional thoughts about what it'd be like with another woman, but I've never thought about acting on it. Has Jinny?
And what in the hell is Barbara seeing that I'm not? Jinny's just been worried about me. She's the one I called; she's the one that found me. That's all there is to it, right?
++ Jinny ++
"And then you can get back to the kind of exercise that makes you feel good, if you know what I mean."
I'm walking into the apartment as I hear CD's physical therapy nurse, Barbara, utter those words. I'm not quite sure what their conversation was before I walked in, and I'm sure I probably don't want to know. So considering myself a relatively smart person, I don't ask. Instead, I simply nod my hello to Barbara, but as she passes me, she grabs my arm.
"You be careful with her, Jinny," she warns in a motherly tone. "She's got herself all worked up into a snit. And I wager she's none too happy with me calling her on the carpet about how she's been acting. But I'm sure you know just what it'll take to make her feel better, don't you?"
I just nod at her, already planning on giving CD another massage, like I've been doing after her physical therapy practically since they started getting her up and out of bed in the hospital. "Uh yeah, sure, Barbara. You have a good evening!" She waves as she heads out of the apartment. I just shake my head in confusion and head back toward the bedroom. "Hey, CD," I say softly, not quite sure how she'll be reacting.
She's sitting on the bed, just staring off into space. There's an odd look on her face, and she's absently rubbing at her healing wounds. Okay, that's not normal for CD, even in the weeks since the shooting. I move to stand behind her, hands gently resting on her shoulders. The tension is palpable around her, and I have to worry what's happening, but I know better than to push her. We've worked up a fascinating rapport in the two and a half weeks we've been here in her apartment, and I'm loathe to ruin that.
"Jinny? Do you regret coming to stay with me?" Her voice is soft, almost tentative.
"Nope," I respond instantly, confidently. "Not for a second. You needed someone to help you, and I needed some time to deal with things myself. What better way for both of us to deal with our issues than to do it with company?" She nods distractedly, but says nothing more. I move to stand in front of her, lifting her chin to search her eyes. "CD, what's going on? What did Barbara say to you to get you so introspective?"
"It's--"
"Please don't say it's nothing when it obviously is something. What's going on?"
She stares up at me for a moment. "Barbara thinks we're a couple..."
Okay, I wasn't expecting that. "Wow," I say with a grin. "I've never been good at relationships, so I kinda take it as a compliment that somebody'd say that about me."
That gets a smile from CD, and she leans into my hand a bit. "So it doesn't bother you? She said that I don't treat you well."
Running the fingers of my free hand through her hair, I smile gently. "CD, if you weren't treating me well, I'd tell you about it. Trust me. Considering the shit we've both been going through, we're doing fine. And yeah, maybe I think of you as more than a coworker, maybe even more than a friend. If you don't feel the same way, that's okay. It's no big deal."
"It doesn't bother you? How can it not bother you?"
"Why would it bother me? CD, are you forgetting that I stood over you as you were bleeding and watched you take what could well have been your last breath if I hadn't been there? That I was the person you called when you could barely breathe, let alone talk? That I was the person freaking out to McCafferty to get some way to find you so we could rescue you? That I nearly put that damned doctor through the wall when he wouldn't allow us to go wait for you when you were in recovery? Damn it, CD, I'm involved in what's going on with you and your life now.
"Hell, I haven't had a drink or anything since I stood over your body that night. Not so much as an aspirin has passed my lips in five weeks. It felt like... Seeing you laying there, barely breathing, the stench of blood and gun powder ripe in that room, and I felt like I was thirteen and finding my mom's body again. Guns have taken or almost taken away too many people in my life: my mom, my brother, Magda almost died twice, and then you. None of those other people were ever enough to get me clean and sober. Only you, CD. So what does that say to you?"
I start to turn away, trying to hold back the frustrated tears at what I just told her. This is way too honest for us right now. Yeah, she's seen me after some of my nightmares and cold sweats from the all the detox. This is different. This is way more personal than anything I've ever shared with her.
"Jinny?" she asks, tugging at my arm. I try to get away, but she's persistent and keeps tugging until I wind up nestled between her spread thighs. She stares into my eyes for a moment before gripping my hair and pulling me down into a kiss that goes from tentative to something more very quickly.
** 5 months after **
++ CD ++
Today was the first day the doctor really let me try boxing again, and I've missed it terribly. Of course, having not boxed in over five months, I'm pretty rusty. Jinny's worked today, she's been back about two weeks now, and it's very strange to be apart from her for more than a couple of hours. But I wasn't able to stay up until she gets home, so I headed off to bed kind of early. My dreams have been filled with memories of the last few months with Jinny.
And so I find myself being dragged up from the depths of dreams by a niggling sensation on my back. A feather light touch teases across the scar from the bullet's exit, making me giggle. I have no idea what time it is, and I really hope the source of those tickling sensations is Jinny. Otherwise, I'm in seriously deep shit. I don't have my gun.
"That you, baby?" I murmur sleepily with a grin.
"No, it's McCafferty," comes the dry retort. "I better be the only one you let fondle your scars. Besides your doctor, of course."
I grin and roll over onto my back to pull her down for a kiss. Her hands move to frame my ribs as I nibble at her lower lip. "Only you, baby," I purr. "I've missed you."
She grins down at me and strokes the larger front scar. "I missed you, too, Blue Eyes. But we're gonna have to keep missing each other for a while longer."
"Why?"
"Jinny?" A far too familiar voice sounds from the other side of the bedroom door. "Is she awake?"
"What is she doing here?" I hiss, struggling to sit up. There's nothing to kill the libido like your captain on the other side of your bedroom door. It's like being caught making out by your mom.
"She wanted to come say hi."
"You couldn't have warned me before you started stroking the scars? Damn it, Exstead, you know what that does to me!"
"So you'll just have to spank me for it once she's gone," Jinny teases as she gets off the bed. She grins cheekily at me as she heads out into the living room. "She'll be out in a minute, Cap! She just needs to get decent again."
"I'm gonna kill her," I mutter to myself as I get out of bed and grab a t-shirt as I head toward the door. Thankfully, I fell asleep in shorts and a wife-beater, but Jinny's little trick has my headlights on. That's not really something I want to broadcast to my captain. With a deep breath, I head out of the bedroom. "Captain!" I greet her warmly, happily accepting her hug.
"How are you feeling, CD?"
"Exhausted, but I may have gone a little overboard on the boxing today," I admit. I've never been able to lie to this woman.
"CD, if you re-injure yourself from overdoing it, I'm gonna kick your ass," Jinny growls at me as she comes over to hand a glass of water to me and the captain. As soon as I've taken the glass, her hand strays to span between my scars; the now unconscious movement soothes me and I can't help my sappy grin.
"I'm not gonna re-injure myself, Jinny," I grouse back good-naturedly. "Jeezus, I'm not that stupid."
She mutters something under her breath as she heads back into the kitchen for her own water. I turn to face McCafferty again and am faced with a very knowing grin. Shit! "I take it the living arrangements are permanent?" she asks dryly, and I feel my face begin to burn. Before I can say anything, she reaches over to pat my cheek. "I'm glad. You two both needed someone who would really accept you for who and what you are."
"Thank you, Captain," I murmur gratefully. "I wasn't sure--"
"You do remember my daughter, don't you? You know, the one that had a crush on you?"
"She did not!"
"Oh, she wanted to be a cop for a while, just to be your partner. In every sense of the word."
"Oh my god!" I know my face is bright red with embarrassment now.
"Don't worry, it didn't last long. The cop thing, I mean. The crush? That was always there. You were her hero."
++ Jinny ++
"Should I be jealous?" I ask, coming in from the kitchen to catch the tail end of their conversation. CD looks so damned cute when she's all embarrassed like that. I move to sit next to her on the arm of her favorite chair, always close by. I'd say it's as automatic as eating or breathing now, but really, it's just that we're still in that damned cutesy honeymoon phase and I can't get enough of her.
"No!" CD looks positively flustered right about now. "It's just Amanda and her crushes. You know how it is, baby. I'm sure you had your share of crushes when you were younger."
I just about choke on my water when she uses that endearment. She doesn't seem to realize she's said it. I shakily set my glass down and comb a hand through my hair. I was absolutely an idiot to have teased CD like I did. I hazard a glance over at the captain to see one elegant brow raised in amused curiosity. Shit! She knows...
"Swallow the lump in your throat, Jinny," she says with a wry grin. "As long as you're discreet at work, I don't care what you two do in private." I start to protest, but she waves a hand at me. "No, don't say anything, Jinny. All I'm going to ask is that you don't pull the same shit that Magda did...among others."
CD looks at me, curiosity quickly replaced by a grimace at the angle of her body. I lean down to gently ease her back around into a more comfortable position. As I do, I mutter, "You called me baby, Blue Eyes." I watch the blush rise up along the back of her neck and fight the urge to nibble along that exposed skin.
"Okay, before you two give me a show I'm not sure I really need to be seeing," the captain pipes in, standing up. "I'll see you tomorrow, Jinny. CD, you can always stop in and say hello, you know. We won't bite. Well, I can't speak for Jinny, but the rest of us won't bite." Now I know my blush is matching CD's. Damn her! McCafferty just chuckles evilly and leans over to pat each of our cheeks. "I remember very well what's like when you're newly together. Enjoy it while you can."
She makes her way to the door and looks back with a final bemused smile before leaving. CD and I just sit there for a long moment, staring at the door. That was definitely...surreal. Suddenly CD's on her feet to lock the door before she leans against it, studying me. After a moment, she stalks past me toward the bedroom and tugs me along behind her. "You said something about a spanking?"
I can't help my giddy smile and tug her back against me, nibbling along the side of her neck. "Only if you can keep me down without hurting yourself," I tease back, fingers working up under her shirts to stroke across her scars. I'm rewarded with a full body shudder from my lover, and I repeat the gesture.
She turns around, pulling me closer for a demanding kiss.
** 5 years after **
++ CD ++
Jinny's lips claim mine again, swallowing the whine of need rising in my throat. Her fingers continue to stroke deeply, thumb twitching across my clit, and I can't feel anything but the burning ache to fall over into the yawning abyss of my orgasm. I know she'll be there to catch me, just as surely as she's going to be the one to push me into that graceless swan dive over the edge, and yet I'm still hesitating.
"C'mon, Blue Eyes," she murmurs roughly, hips jerking and dragging her own arousal across my left thigh. "Don't hold back on me." All I can do is grunt, hovering on the razor's edge of desire. "I love you." The words are barely breathed against my lips; more an exhalation, an extension of her soul that I breathe in.
And that's all it takes. My body is wracked with spasms of delight, and dimly I'm aware that Jinny's followed me. I can't breathe, I can't see; I just feel. My skin is far too sensitive and hyperaware of the slightest air currents around me. Each brush of Jinny's skin against mine sends a bolt of fire through my clit until I have to weakly push her away. We lay there, gasping, panting for breath, and I get that giddy feeling when she reaches over to lace her fingers with mine.
"Thank you, Jin," I whisper roughly, feeling the sting of tears at the emotions, and shift against the tightness around my heart.
She reaches over to ruffle her fingers through the shaggy bangs plastered to my forehead. "For what?"
"Saving my life," I reply past the lump in my throat. She smiles at me, eyes growing misty with her own tears. "If it hadn't been for you and your feeling, I wouldn't be here."
"You're welcome." She shifts to pull me closer, and I nuzzle into the curve where her neck and shoulder meet. "You know, if it wasn't for you being so damned stupid and stubborn, I don't think I'd be here either."
We lapse into a peaceful silence, and I find myself reflecting on the past five years of my life since I confronted Liz in her apartment. When I walked into that apartment building, I never would have guessed my actions would have found me one of the best relationships I've ever had. My life has been full since Jinny found and saved me that day. No, it hasn't been easy. I hated the fact that I had to ride a desk for over a year after I finally went back to work, pregnancy not withstanding. What I hated even more was the fact that Jinny took the brunt of my frustrations with a weird mix of broken acceptance and prickly anger. We had many a fight in the beginning and, like the cliché goes, the make up sex was fantastic. But we moved beyond that, too. It was more than the sex, more than the near-death experiences that kept us together.
"Mama? Mimi? Are you up yet?"
Rikki's soft voice, and Jinny's answering groan, brings an embarrassed chuckle to my lips. "I told you we shouldn't be trying anything this morning, Jin. She's probably been up for hours and listening to us."
"You're the one who promised her the aquarium in Monterrey Bay today," she grumbles, grabbing for her shirt and shorts. "Go take your shower. I think you're worse than I am right now. I'll get her breakfast going."
I slip into my robe as Jinny opens the door to greet our four-year-old daughter. She looks just like Jinny, only with my lighter coloring. I still joke to this day that it's Casey's fault for having their mother's looks, which just gets me a dirty look from Jinny.
++ Jinny ++
"You smell ucky, Mimi," Rikki says, wrinkling her little nose up, as we make our way to the kitchen.
"You got me up before I could shower, munchkin," I reply, planting a sloppy kiss on her cheek. "How does Uncle Casey's sandwich sound for breakfast?"
"Yay! Sammich!" she crows, clapping her hands, and returns the sloppy kiss.
I set her down and smile as she moves to her little kitchen set in the corner to create her own version of our favorite breakfast of toasted muffins with cheese, chicken, bacon, and avocado. I still blame my brother and his partner for turning CD on to the food in the first place, back when she was pregnant with Rikki.
There are days I still don't believe we even have a daughter, let alone being committed to such a warm, independent spirit like CD. That first year after the shooting was rough on both of us. I think we fought more than we made love, and that's saying a lot. But neither of us was very good at relationships, and we certainly didn't understand that there might be someone out there willing to help without ulterior motives. It wasn't until a few weeks before the year anniversary, only six months after we'd gotten together, that I brought up the topic of children. I'd never thought I wanted kids, not after the hassles I saw with Jack and his son, but things changed when CD came into my life more intimately.
I'd considered adoption, but CD instantly offered to carry the baby if we could find a male donor that matched my coloring. Within days, Casey'd heard about it and offered to help out if he and Geoff could share in raising the baby. The fact that CD got pregnant with the first turkey baster treatment still has Casey strutting around with a puffed up chest.
"Mimi? Fish today?"
"Yep, as soon as Mama gets out of the shower and I take mine, we'll have breakfast and meet Uncle Casey and Uncle Geoff at the aquarium. Maybe we'll even go out to the point and look for otters and seals in the surf. How's that sound?"
She giggles happily and continues to play with her little kitchen set as I finish up not only our breakfast but the picnic lunch we'll share later on. She begins to sing softly, and I recognize the song from Brother Bear almost instantly. Rikki and I never get tired of that movie, and CD gives me shit over it all the damned time. Not that I mind...much.
I honestly don't know what I'd do without CD and Rikki in my life. For all I know, I'd be dead. And deservedly so. I was more than self-destructive back then, but I wouldn't see it in myself, no matter what anyone else said.
** 5 decades later **
++ Rikki ++
Five times a year, I make the trek to this cemetery.
Five times a year, I lay peace roses on the dual gravestone.
Five times a year, I wish I didn't have to be here.
Five times a year, I feel their losses all over again.
It's been almost ten years since Mimi died. The doctors told us her body'd been too abused by the drugs and alcohol back before she and Mama got together. She'd died in her sleep, curled up in her favorite lazyboy chair. Mama knew when it happened. She got this look on her face, half-puzzled, half-relieved. Mimi had been feeling kind of sick and was crankier than usual. Mama said it was about time Mimi gave her a damned break from all the bitching.
Mama wasn't quite the same after that. It was understandable; after all, they'd spent the better part of forty years together, and that didn't include the time they worked together before that.
Mama just died three years ago. She really hadn't been the same after Mimi died. She did what she could to stay alive at the time. She hung in there long enough to meet her great-granddaughter, Jinny Candace. She said the baby looked just like the baby pictures she'd shown me of Mimi. I hadn't realized that my Annie could cry as much as she had when Mama said she was so proud of that baby.
I take a deep breath and start to pull the weeds from the sides of the gravestone. The recent summer storms have caused serious havoc on parts of San Francisco. Mama and Mimi wouldn't want any kind of sloppiness in their final resting place. After Mimi had died, Mama came here almost every day. She'd talk to Mimi just like old times. She always said it made her feel better because Mimi couldn't get in the last word anymore.
I miss them terribly, but I know they had full, rich lives together. Mimi ended up rising all the way up to Police Commissioner before she retired. Mama always joked that Mimi had been after Gramma Kait's job. Mimi always told her to go to hell, but grinned proudly anyway.
I taught my Annie about Uncle Casey's sandwiches and Brother Bear, just like Mimi and Mama taught me. And now it's time for Annie to continue the tradition with Jinny Candace. I can see a lot of both of my mothers in my granddaughter. She's already said she wants to be a cop like her great-grammies. And I know she will be. She's just like them.
Author: A. Magiluna Stormwriter
Email: stormwriter@shatterstorm.net
Rating: NC17
Pairings: Jinny/CD
Date: 14-22 September 2007
Word Count: 7255
Written For: dogged_by_muses' Fragments of Sappho 2007 Challenge-a-thon
Recipient: shonn
Summary: What should have happened to CD after the events of "Acts of Betrayal"
Spoilers: 3x22 "Acts of Betrayal" and beyond
Warnings: Reference to character death, swerves off into AU-land
Website: Frisked & Conquered
Link to: http://f-n-c.shatterstorm.net/
Archive: ShatterStorm Productions only...all others ask for permission & we'll see...
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of Lifetime Television, Kedzie Productions, Viacom Productions, and Paramount. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. This site is in no way affiliated with "The Division", Lifetime Television, or any representatives of Bonnie Bedelia, Nancy McKeon, Lisa Vidal, or Tracey Needham. This site contains stories between two mature, consenting adult females.
Author's Notes: This was written for shonn, based on a request for the Fragments of Sappho 2007 Challenge-a-thon. The original claim & Sapphic fragment are as follows:
Fandom & Pairing: The Division | C.D./Jinny
Prompts: a first kiss, an accident
Squicks: main character death, any type of bondage
Rating: no preferred rating
Spoilers: Spoil away!
I long and seek after
The minute I saw this request being submitted, I knew I had to write it. I haven't written for these characters, particularly in this fandom, in a very, very long time. At first, I wasn't sure I could do it, despite signing up for it. And then tarnishandtears came over one day and we showed her the end of "Acts of Betrayal", which cemented what I wanted to do with my story. I'd always hated how TPTB ended CD's storyline; in fact, it was the reason I stopped watching the show. This gave me a way to fix it.
There are a couple of jokes for shatterpath and myself in this story. The first is CD's home therapy nurse, Barbara. She was named and patterned after the character Barbara on Bad Girls. The second is Casey's partner Geoff, who was named after the long-running Eddie Izzard jokes. We couldn't help ourselves… *g*
A quick note on the dialogue in CD's POV in the 5 seconds before through 5 seconds after section. That is transcribed exactly from the episode itself. Any inconsistencies are based on the aired version of the dialogue, as opposed to any scripted version that might be out there.
Inspirational Notes: While writing this, particularly the initial sections up through five minutes after, I got a lot of inspiration from a variety of songs, with the most inspiration coming from the following:
"Remember" by Disturbed
"Awaken" by Disturbed ***
"Clay People" by Disturbed, StaticX, Slipknot
"Open Up" by Lamb
"Psycho" by Disturbed **
"The Game" by Disturbed **
"Forgive Me" by Godsmack **
"I Stand Alone" by Godsmack
"Hands of Death (Burn Baby Burn)" by Alice Cooper & Rob Zombie
The stars show the level of influence on those early sections of the story. Disturbed's "Awaken" was a huge influence, particularly the following lyrics:
"Lost and alone
Imprisoned now inside your mind
With the way you tried
To destroy me again
You were waiting and living for no one
With the way you tried
To completely refuse all your life"
Dedication: To my muses, for never really leaving, just going on extended vacations.
Beta: shatterpath, as usual
"Five"
by A. Magiluna Stormwriter
** 5 minutes before **
++ CD ++
As I raise my hand to knock on the door, I have to wonder just what the in the hell I'm doing here like this. Yes, Liz is a Fed, and a damned good one from what I remember of her record. But there's too damned many loose ends left in this situation. How the hell can a good cop go bad like that? Cop, Fed, whatever.
And speaking of good cops fucking up, I shouldn't be here without some sort of backup. Dick would have my ass for pulling a stupid stunt like this; I should have at least let the captain know what I'm doing. I should know better than this.
Now she's opening the door and it's too late to do anything but my best to fix this shit now. Hopefully she'll be amenable to what I have to say.
++ Jinny ++
What am I doing? Spilling my guts to a shrink like I've got diarrhea of the mouth or something. But I'm not really lying about what I'm saying either. Not like the last time I was forced to do one of these evaluations. The drinking, the drugs, the men. When is it going to stop? What's it going to take for me to stop hurting myself, trying to kill myself?
I thought Jack was different. I thought he'd be the one to make me want to change myself, change my self-destructive games. In some ways, he did; and in other ways, he made it so much worse. Before Jack, there was only the alcohol and the random sex. After Jack, the pills came into play. That's not getting better, not by any stretch of the imagination.
What's it going to take, Jinny? John's dead, Jack's gone, Dad's a shell of himself and living with Ronnie, Casey doesn't need to be protected anymore. Who's left for you to take care of now? Just Jinny.
But am I strong enough to do that?
** 5 second before to 5 seconds after **
++ CD ++
"I like you, CD, but you're too good a cop. I can't take the risk. I'm really gonna hate this."
Oh shit! She can't be serious! Is she actually going where I think she is? "Why are you--?"
"Because I come from the same place that you do: nowhere. It was never the job that mattered. It was about getting out. And I'm almost there."
She really does have a gun! Shit, what am I gonna do now? I don't want to have to shoot her if I don't have to. "No, come on. We can -- We can make this right, Liz. You're not gonna kill me." That's right, keep thinking that way, CD. Maybe it'll come true. Why the hell did I think I could do this alone? What kind of stupid idiot am I? Being independent is one thing; being stupidly so is entirely another.
"After Tom, you'll be a snap."
When she pulls the pillow up as a makeshift silencer, I spring into action. I'm not going to let this stupid bitch kill me because she can't keep her nose clean. No more trying to reason with her, she's going down. I toss my badge at her; it's all the distraction I need to draw my own gun on her as her shot goes zinging toward the ceiling. I send a brief hope that no one's home in the apartment above us, or that they don't get hurt, as I take aim and pull the trigger. I'm nothing if not an accurate shot, and I feel a momentary smugness as the red stain blossoms just above her left breast.
But it's a temporary victory as I hear the third shot ring out, accompanied by a blossoming burn in my own gut. I'm thrown back into some boxes, struggling to breathe. I can't feel my gun, only the fire and difficulty to breathe.
Shit! Nobody knows I'm here. I'm gonna die alone with this stupid bitch.
++ Jinny ++
I'm feeling better about this whole therapy thing. I can do this. I've got a lot of work to do, and I know it won't be easy at all. I don't expect it to be. There's way too much damage done for this to be an easy fix. Hell, if the booze couldn't be an easy fix, the head shrinking certainly won't be.
I scratch at the back of my head, something doesn't feel right. I can't seriously be having second thoughts about this therapy already, can I? This isn't fair, damn it! I'm supposed to be getting better, not worse.
No, it's definitely not second thoughts. This is totally different. This is a feeling I haven't had in a long, long time. Somebody's in trouble. Shit! Is it Jack? Magda? Dad? What the hell's going on?
Am I gonna be too late?
** 5 minutes after **
++ CD ++
Jeezus, I can't breathe. This is... I can't feel my damned arm either. I hope she's dead, 'cause I can't defend myself now. I'm really gonna die here. I can't even keep my eyes open, it hurts so damned bad. What's going to happen now? Who's gonna even know I'm here?
Phone. Call someone. It hurts to breathe, it hurts to move, but I gotta make this call. I try to lift the phone so I can see who I'm calling, but it hurts too damned much. I've got speed dial set on every number, all cops. Somebody can help me out. I suck in a breath as I press the button and wait, fighting the edges of blackness creeping in. Damn, but it's cold in here. I don't remember it being this cold before.
"CD?"
I can hear that voice so faintly. I try to say something, give the indication I'm here and in trouble, but all I can do is rasp in each agonizing breath. And then that hand goes numb and I feel the phone dropping to the floor. But I can still hear that voice, growing more and more frantic as I fall further into the darkness where pain doesn't exist anymore.
++ Jinny ++
There's an odd sensation of a weight lifted from my shoulders, while another is being settled heavily, suffocatingly around my chest. I fish in my pocket for my cell phone to call the captain, when it starts vibrating in my hand. What the hell? Why is she calling me at this time of day?
"CD?" I ask curiously, but I can't hear anything on the other end of the line. Just this weird, labored breathing. "CD? You okay? What's going on?" There's a hint of a moan on the tail of one of those raspy breaths, like she's trying to say something but can't. "Where are you, CD? Talk to me, okay?"
"Shah--" comes through before I hear the tinny clatter of the phone falling.
"CD! Stay with me! Don't you dare die on me, damn it!" I'm pressing the phone so close to my head, it hurts, but I can't lose her right now. I run back into the therapist's office and grab the receptionist's phone, fearfully punching in the numbers to the captain's phone. "C'mon, CD, stay with me." I glare at the receptionist, keeping her quiet.
"McCafferty."
"Captain, it's Exstead. Find a way to put a trace on the call for my cell."
"Jinny? What the hell?"
"Something's wrong with CD, Cap," I rush the words out, straining to hear CD's faint breathing. "She called me from her cell, but she can't talk. She sounds bad, and I don't know where she is."
"Get over here now," comes the worried snap. "I'll see what I can do. You keep her on the line as long as you can."
"No problem," I growl, slamming down the phone as I head out to my car. I fumble for the earphone and start the car. Without thought, I flip on both light and siren. I don't need any further damned distractions keeping me from saving CD. "Come on, CD, hang in there. Captain's gonna do what she can to get your fix so we can come find you. But you gotta stay with me, okay?"
There's only the faint rasping sounds of her breathing on the other end to let me know she's still there. Heart lodged and pounding loudly in my throat, I keep talking to her as I head over to the precinct. We can't lose CD like this, we just can't.
** 5 hours after **
++ Jinny ++
I can't believe I've been sitting in this damned waiting room for so long. When the hell are they going to be done fixing up CD? A quick glance shows me that the captain is feeling pretty close to the same way as me right now. Magda and Raina were here earlier, but McCafferty sent them both home because there was nothing they could do. Magda has Ben and Gabe to think about anyway.
I'm not really sure how Nate feels. He left a couple hours ago, after getting his ass handed to him on a gold platter by the captain. I still can't believe that he and CD were seriously considering a relationship. Jeezus, didn't CD learn anything from Magda and Peter? Or me and Jack? What the hell's been going on in her mind over this?
Damn it! Why won't they tell us something yet? I can't get rid of the image of CD laying there, covered in her own blood, not breathing, not moving, her phone still laying there in her palm. I couldn't honestly tell if she was breathing or not when I first got there. Every single time I close my eyes, that's all I can see. If she hadn't been so damned pale and still, and bloody, I'd have thought she was sleeping in a really fucked up position. It wasn't until after it registered I was too late, that I realized I hadn't checked to see if that damned Fed was dead, too. McCafferty ran in after me, reading me the riot act for just barging in without any regard for my safety, but she stopped the instant she saw CD laying there. She went almost as pale as CD was, and I honestly thought she was gonna pass out or puke right then and there. I wasn't very far behind her, to be totally honest.
It was a very strange sensation to be standing over CD's lifeless body, realizing that it was too late to save her. Knowing that I'd never be able to see her in the bullpen again, to never have her tease me about, well, anything; it was like the floor had fallen out from beneath me. The scent of the blood and gun powder had me ready to puke, but I wouldn't leave until I knew the paramedics could revive her enough to get her to the hospital. McCafferty couldn't even get me to leave until after CD was put in the ambulance.
It was...
"Jinny, when's the last time you ate?"
I stare up at her, not really comprehending the question. Before I can answer, some guy in scrubs comes walking in. "Are you here for Ms. DeLorenzo?"
I'm on my feet faster than I thought I could get up. "Is she okay? What's going on?" It's only McCafferty's hand on my shoulder than keeps me from backing him up against a wall to get the information I want.
"I'm Captain McCafferty, Doctor. How's CD doing?"
"By all rights? I shouldn't be talking to you, and she should be down in the morgue," he says, and I can't help the low growl escaping my lips. He blinks in surprise, but continues. "The fact that the paramedics were able to revive her so quickly and easily is definitely in her favor. She did lose a lot of blood in the process, but we should be able to replace that with transfusions. Thankfully, she's got a common enough blood type."
"We're setting up a blood drive down at the precinct," McCafferty says in her best captain's voice.
How in the hell can she sound so damned calm and collected when I'm all torn up inside over this? I listened as CD breathed what could have been her last breath. Her damned phone was still actively on the line with me when I stood over her body. I had to shut the thing off myself.
"She did lose part of the left lung. The bullet pierced the lower left quadrant, deflating it pretty quickly. The lung's been put back together and re-inflated, but she's been intubated until the damage is better healed. No other organs were injured, surprisingly, and the entrance and exit wounds themselves were very clean."
"When can we see her?" Was that me?
"She's been taken to recovery, but she probably won't wake up for several more hours at the earliest. You'll want to go home, get some rest, eat something. I wouldn't bother coming back until tomorrow."
"Thank you for your recommendations, Doctor, but we'll be sticking around. If you can point us in the direction of the nearest waiting room to where she is, we'll bide our time there until she's conscious again."
"You do realize that she might not wake up for quite some time, if ever."
"You don't know CD if you think that way," I growl, wanting to tear his throat out for even considering she might not wake up. Before I can say anything more, my stomach rumbles loudly.
"If you'll point us in the direction of the waiting room nearest where she'll be, we'll just go get something to eat and wait for her," McCafferty says, using a far more polite tone that I would. Maybe that's why she's the one talking, not me.
** 5 days after **
++ CD ++
"Hey, CD, how ya doing?"
The soft sounds of Jinny's voice bring me back to consciousness again, despite wanting to fall back into the drug-induced sleep that's kept the pain at bay. It seems every time I've worked my way up to some sort of consciousness, I'm always hearing either Jinny's voice or the captain's. I haven't once heard Nate's voice, or even smelled his aftershave. It's like he just doesn't exist anymore. But maybe that's a good thing. I was stupid to think anything would work between me and him. Jinny said he's considering a transfer back to Narcotics. I hope he gets what he wants out of it.
"Aren't you sick of hearing my voice yet?"
No, not at all. Your voice kept me fighting when I just wanted to let go and stop the pain.
"I, um, keep expecting you to open up those baby blues of yours and give me that patented DeLorenzo glare; tell me to shut the hell up because I don't know what I'm talking about."
Oh god, Jinny, I wish I could. It's just too tiring to even think about doing that.
"Come on, you wuss. You're stronger than this! You can kick ass at kickboxing, but you can't beat a little fatigue and a booboo? What kinda cop are you? Dick'd kick your ass for lying around on your lazy ass for so long."
"Shuh-up," I manage to slur, surprised at how scratchy my voice sounds.
"C'mon, CD. I just need one good glare and I'll shut up," she continues, fingers tracing lightly across the palm of my hand. "Unless you're just too much of a pussy to do it."
"Shuh-up," I repeat, swallowing painfully against my dry throat. With an extreme effort of will, I crack one eye open to glare blearily at her smiling face.
"That's my girl!" she crows, squeezing my hand. "I knew you were in there somewhere." Her brilliant smile feels almost too bright to handle. "Open both of those beautiful eyes and I'll give you some ice to soothe your throat."
++ Jinny ++
I've never been so damned happy as I am when CD rasps for me to shut up. I barely understand the slurred words, but I definitely get their intent. And when she does manage to open her eyes, it's one of the most beautiful things I've seen in a long time. I don't even care that her eyes are bloodshot and she's having focusing issues. She's opened her eyes and talked to me. She's on her way back to me -- to us.
I reach for the container of ice, only to find it's been reduced to warm water. "I gotta get you some more ice. Can you stay awake long enough for me to do that?" I can see the weariness in her eyes. "Please?" When she nods, I grin and squeeze her hand before grabbing the bucket.
As I head out into the hallway, I catch a glimpse of Magda and the captain coming down the hallway. I can't help the surge of jealousy that they're going to squeeze in on my time with CD. She talked to me, and they're gonna monopolize her small amounts of energy now. That's not fair, damn it!
And as soon as the sensation hits me, I realize how insane it sounds. This is CD. She's been around since before Magda became my partner, and the captain's known her the longest of all of us. It seems like practically since the Academy, it's been me, her and Magda with McCafferty watching over all of us. Of course, they should be happy to know she's awake and starting to talk again. She's simply my coworker and... And I guess that's it. She was gonna get involved with Nate, and I've been less than successful with men so far, so does that mean I'll be any better with women? Probably not. No, whatever this is I'm thinking I'm feeling should just be nipped in the bud ASAP.
Grumbling to myself, I quickly get more ice for CD and head back to her room. As I walk in, I can hear McCafferty's relieved voice talking to CD, interspersed with Magda's excited babbling in Spanish. But the instant she knows the door is open, those bloodshot blue eyes move to focus on me and I'm graced with a smile so slight I could be imagining it, but it's a smile aimed solely at me. I can't help but grinning stupidly in return, hoping the heat in my cheeks is internal and not visible. I so don't need my partner or my captain badgering me about this.
** 5 weeks after **
++ CD ++
"Get out!" I growl, sucking in a painful breath as I slump onto the rented hospital bed.
"Mrs. DeLorenzo--"
"Ms. DeLorenzo, Barbara! And you can go to hell if you think I'm gonna do any more of this crap today!" I wrap my arms around my ribs, fighting back the frustrated tears that always seem to come after therapy.
"If you want it to stop hurting, you need to continue with the physical therapy," she replies, starting to sound exasperated with me. "If you don't, then you can continue with the pain and the hospital bed for the rest of your life. Seems stupid you don't want to resume sharing a bed with your partner again."
"What?" I spin around to stare at her, gasping at the burn in my skin from the effort.
"Oh come on now, honey," she continues, pursing her lips at me. "You don't honestly think I'm so blind that I can't see how much she dotes on you? And when you wind up in pain after these sessions, she's wandering around here like a whipped puppy. But if you'd rather sleep on this damned single bed than be back with that girl that loves you, that's your decision I suppose. If it was me, and I had somebody that devoted to me, I wouldn't let them out of my sight." She picks up her purse and bag and heads for the door. "I'll see you in two days, honey. You do your exercises like you're supposed to, and this won't be so damned painful. And then you can get back to the kind of exercise that makes you feel good, if you know what I mean."
I can't speak; I have absolutely no powers of speech at this point, and I can only watch her walk out of the room. Thank God Jinny's not here to hear this! She'd be so angry that Barbara made the assumption about us... Wouldn't she? I mean, she's always slept with guys, from what I've seen. And I've had occasional thoughts about what it'd be like with another woman, but I've never thought about acting on it. Has Jinny?
And what in the hell is Barbara seeing that I'm not? Jinny's just been worried about me. She's the one I called; she's the one that found me. That's all there is to it, right?
++ Jinny ++
"And then you can get back to the kind of exercise that makes you feel good, if you know what I mean."
I'm walking into the apartment as I hear CD's physical therapy nurse, Barbara, utter those words. I'm not quite sure what their conversation was before I walked in, and I'm sure I probably don't want to know. So considering myself a relatively smart person, I don't ask. Instead, I simply nod my hello to Barbara, but as she passes me, she grabs my arm.
"You be careful with her, Jinny," she warns in a motherly tone. "She's got herself all worked up into a snit. And I wager she's none too happy with me calling her on the carpet about how she's been acting. But I'm sure you know just what it'll take to make her feel better, don't you?"
I just nod at her, already planning on giving CD another massage, like I've been doing after her physical therapy practically since they started getting her up and out of bed in the hospital. "Uh yeah, sure, Barbara. You have a good evening!" She waves as she heads out of the apartment. I just shake my head in confusion and head back toward the bedroom. "Hey, CD," I say softly, not quite sure how she'll be reacting.
She's sitting on the bed, just staring off into space. There's an odd look on her face, and she's absently rubbing at her healing wounds. Okay, that's not normal for CD, even in the weeks since the shooting. I move to stand behind her, hands gently resting on her shoulders. The tension is palpable around her, and I have to worry what's happening, but I know better than to push her. We've worked up a fascinating rapport in the two and a half weeks we've been here in her apartment, and I'm loathe to ruin that.
"Jinny? Do you regret coming to stay with me?" Her voice is soft, almost tentative.
"Nope," I respond instantly, confidently. "Not for a second. You needed someone to help you, and I needed some time to deal with things myself. What better way for both of us to deal with our issues than to do it with company?" She nods distractedly, but says nothing more. I move to stand in front of her, lifting her chin to search her eyes. "CD, what's going on? What did Barbara say to you to get you so introspective?"
"It's--"
"Please don't say it's nothing when it obviously is something. What's going on?"
She stares up at me for a moment. "Barbara thinks we're a couple..."
Okay, I wasn't expecting that. "Wow," I say with a grin. "I've never been good at relationships, so I kinda take it as a compliment that somebody'd say that about me."
That gets a smile from CD, and she leans into my hand a bit. "So it doesn't bother you? She said that I don't treat you well."
Running the fingers of my free hand through her hair, I smile gently. "CD, if you weren't treating me well, I'd tell you about it. Trust me. Considering the shit we've both been going through, we're doing fine. And yeah, maybe I think of you as more than a coworker, maybe even more than a friend. If you don't feel the same way, that's okay. It's no big deal."
"It doesn't bother you? How can it not bother you?"
"Why would it bother me? CD, are you forgetting that I stood over you as you were bleeding and watched you take what could well have been your last breath if I hadn't been there? That I was the person you called when you could barely breathe, let alone talk? That I was the person freaking out to McCafferty to get some way to find you so we could rescue you? That I nearly put that damned doctor through the wall when he wouldn't allow us to go wait for you when you were in recovery? Damn it, CD, I'm involved in what's going on with you and your life now.
"Hell, I haven't had a drink or anything since I stood over your body that night. Not so much as an aspirin has passed my lips in five weeks. It felt like... Seeing you laying there, barely breathing, the stench of blood and gun powder ripe in that room, and I felt like I was thirteen and finding my mom's body again. Guns have taken or almost taken away too many people in my life: my mom, my brother, Magda almost died twice, and then you. None of those other people were ever enough to get me clean and sober. Only you, CD. So what does that say to you?"
I start to turn away, trying to hold back the frustrated tears at what I just told her. This is way too honest for us right now. Yeah, she's seen me after some of my nightmares and cold sweats from the all the detox. This is different. This is way more personal than anything I've ever shared with her.
"Jinny?" she asks, tugging at my arm. I try to get away, but she's persistent and keeps tugging until I wind up nestled between her spread thighs. She stares into my eyes for a moment before gripping my hair and pulling me down into a kiss that goes from tentative to something more very quickly.
** 5 months after **
++ CD ++
Today was the first day the doctor really let me try boxing again, and I've missed it terribly. Of course, having not boxed in over five months, I'm pretty rusty. Jinny's worked today, she's been back about two weeks now, and it's very strange to be apart from her for more than a couple of hours. But I wasn't able to stay up until she gets home, so I headed off to bed kind of early. My dreams have been filled with memories of the last few months with Jinny.
And so I find myself being dragged up from the depths of dreams by a niggling sensation on my back. A feather light touch teases across the scar from the bullet's exit, making me giggle. I have no idea what time it is, and I really hope the source of those tickling sensations is Jinny. Otherwise, I'm in seriously deep shit. I don't have my gun.
"That you, baby?" I murmur sleepily with a grin.
"No, it's McCafferty," comes the dry retort. "I better be the only one you let fondle your scars. Besides your doctor, of course."
I grin and roll over onto my back to pull her down for a kiss. Her hands move to frame my ribs as I nibble at her lower lip. "Only you, baby," I purr. "I've missed you."
She grins down at me and strokes the larger front scar. "I missed you, too, Blue Eyes. But we're gonna have to keep missing each other for a while longer."
"Why?"
"Jinny?" A far too familiar voice sounds from the other side of the bedroom door. "Is she awake?"
"What is she doing here?" I hiss, struggling to sit up. There's nothing to kill the libido like your captain on the other side of your bedroom door. It's like being caught making out by your mom.
"She wanted to come say hi."
"You couldn't have warned me before you started stroking the scars? Damn it, Exstead, you know what that does to me!"
"So you'll just have to spank me for it once she's gone," Jinny teases as she gets off the bed. She grins cheekily at me as she heads out into the living room. "She'll be out in a minute, Cap! She just needs to get decent again."
"I'm gonna kill her," I mutter to myself as I get out of bed and grab a t-shirt as I head toward the door. Thankfully, I fell asleep in shorts and a wife-beater, but Jinny's little trick has my headlights on. That's not really something I want to broadcast to my captain. With a deep breath, I head out of the bedroom. "Captain!" I greet her warmly, happily accepting her hug.
"How are you feeling, CD?"
"Exhausted, but I may have gone a little overboard on the boxing today," I admit. I've never been able to lie to this woman.
"CD, if you re-injure yourself from overdoing it, I'm gonna kick your ass," Jinny growls at me as she comes over to hand a glass of water to me and the captain. As soon as I've taken the glass, her hand strays to span between my scars; the now unconscious movement soothes me and I can't help my sappy grin.
"I'm not gonna re-injure myself, Jinny," I grouse back good-naturedly. "Jeezus, I'm not that stupid."
She mutters something under her breath as she heads back into the kitchen for her own water. I turn to face McCafferty again and am faced with a very knowing grin. Shit! "I take it the living arrangements are permanent?" she asks dryly, and I feel my face begin to burn. Before I can say anything, she reaches over to pat my cheek. "I'm glad. You two both needed someone who would really accept you for who and what you are."
"Thank you, Captain," I murmur gratefully. "I wasn't sure--"
"You do remember my daughter, don't you? You know, the one that had a crush on you?"
"She did not!"
"Oh, she wanted to be a cop for a while, just to be your partner. In every sense of the word."
"Oh my god!" I know my face is bright red with embarrassment now.
"Don't worry, it didn't last long. The cop thing, I mean. The crush? That was always there. You were her hero."
++ Jinny ++
"Should I be jealous?" I ask, coming in from the kitchen to catch the tail end of their conversation. CD looks so damned cute when she's all embarrassed like that. I move to sit next to her on the arm of her favorite chair, always close by. I'd say it's as automatic as eating or breathing now, but really, it's just that we're still in that damned cutesy honeymoon phase and I can't get enough of her.
"No!" CD looks positively flustered right about now. "It's just Amanda and her crushes. You know how it is, baby. I'm sure you had your share of crushes when you were younger."
I just about choke on my water when she uses that endearment. She doesn't seem to realize she's said it. I shakily set my glass down and comb a hand through my hair. I was absolutely an idiot to have teased CD like I did. I hazard a glance over at the captain to see one elegant brow raised in amused curiosity. Shit! She knows...
"Swallow the lump in your throat, Jinny," she says with a wry grin. "As long as you're discreet at work, I don't care what you two do in private." I start to protest, but she waves a hand at me. "No, don't say anything, Jinny. All I'm going to ask is that you don't pull the same shit that Magda did...among others."
CD looks at me, curiosity quickly replaced by a grimace at the angle of her body. I lean down to gently ease her back around into a more comfortable position. As I do, I mutter, "You called me baby, Blue Eyes." I watch the blush rise up along the back of her neck and fight the urge to nibble along that exposed skin.
"Okay, before you two give me a show I'm not sure I really need to be seeing," the captain pipes in, standing up. "I'll see you tomorrow, Jinny. CD, you can always stop in and say hello, you know. We won't bite. Well, I can't speak for Jinny, but the rest of us won't bite." Now I know my blush is matching CD's. Damn her! McCafferty just chuckles evilly and leans over to pat each of our cheeks. "I remember very well what's like when you're newly together. Enjoy it while you can."
She makes her way to the door and looks back with a final bemused smile before leaving. CD and I just sit there for a long moment, staring at the door. That was definitely...surreal. Suddenly CD's on her feet to lock the door before she leans against it, studying me. After a moment, she stalks past me toward the bedroom and tugs me along behind her. "You said something about a spanking?"
I can't help my giddy smile and tug her back against me, nibbling along the side of her neck. "Only if you can keep me down without hurting yourself," I tease back, fingers working up under her shirts to stroke across her scars. I'm rewarded with a full body shudder from my lover, and I repeat the gesture.
She turns around, pulling me closer for a demanding kiss.
** 5 years after **
++ CD ++
Jinny's lips claim mine again, swallowing the whine of need rising in my throat. Her fingers continue to stroke deeply, thumb twitching across my clit, and I can't feel anything but the burning ache to fall over into the yawning abyss of my orgasm. I know she'll be there to catch me, just as surely as she's going to be the one to push me into that graceless swan dive over the edge, and yet I'm still hesitating.
"C'mon, Blue Eyes," she murmurs roughly, hips jerking and dragging her own arousal across my left thigh. "Don't hold back on me." All I can do is grunt, hovering on the razor's edge of desire. "I love you." The words are barely breathed against my lips; more an exhalation, an extension of her soul that I breathe in.
And that's all it takes. My body is wracked with spasms of delight, and dimly I'm aware that Jinny's followed me. I can't breathe, I can't see; I just feel. My skin is far too sensitive and hyperaware of the slightest air currents around me. Each brush of Jinny's skin against mine sends a bolt of fire through my clit until I have to weakly push her away. We lay there, gasping, panting for breath, and I get that giddy feeling when she reaches over to lace her fingers with mine.
"Thank you, Jin," I whisper roughly, feeling the sting of tears at the emotions, and shift against the tightness around my heart.
She reaches over to ruffle her fingers through the shaggy bangs plastered to my forehead. "For what?"
"Saving my life," I reply past the lump in my throat. She smiles at me, eyes growing misty with her own tears. "If it hadn't been for you and your feeling, I wouldn't be here."
"You're welcome." She shifts to pull me closer, and I nuzzle into the curve where her neck and shoulder meet. "You know, if it wasn't for you being so damned stupid and stubborn, I don't think I'd be here either."
We lapse into a peaceful silence, and I find myself reflecting on the past five years of my life since I confronted Liz in her apartment. When I walked into that apartment building, I never would have guessed my actions would have found me one of the best relationships I've ever had. My life has been full since Jinny found and saved me that day. No, it hasn't been easy. I hated the fact that I had to ride a desk for over a year after I finally went back to work, pregnancy not withstanding. What I hated even more was the fact that Jinny took the brunt of my frustrations with a weird mix of broken acceptance and prickly anger. We had many a fight in the beginning and, like the cliché goes, the make up sex was fantastic. But we moved beyond that, too. It was more than the sex, more than the near-death experiences that kept us together.
"Mama? Mimi? Are you up yet?"
Rikki's soft voice, and Jinny's answering groan, brings an embarrassed chuckle to my lips. "I told you we shouldn't be trying anything this morning, Jin. She's probably been up for hours and listening to us."
"You're the one who promised her the aquarium in Monterrey Bay today," she grumbles, grabbing for her shirt and shorts. "Go take your shower. I think you're worse than I am right now. I'll get her breakfast going."
I slip into my robe as Jinny opens the door to greet our four-year-old daughter. She looks just like Jinny, only with my lighter coloring. I still joke to this day that it's Casey's fault for having their mother's looks, which just gets me a dirty look from Jinny.
++ Jinny ++
"You smell ucky, Mimi," Rikki says, wrinkling her little nose up, as we make our way to the kitchen.
"You got me up before I could shower, munchkin," I reply, planting a sloppy kiss on her cheek. "How does Uncle Casey's sandwich sound for breakfast?"
"Yay! Sammich!" she crows, clapping her hands, and returns the sloppy kiss.
I set her down and smile as she moves to her little kitchen set in the corner to create her own version of our favorite breakfast of toasted muffins with cheese, chicken, bacon, and avocado. I still blame my brother and his partner for turning CD on to the food in the first place, back when she was pregnant with Rikki.
There are days I still don't believe we even have a daughter, let alone being committed to such a warm, independent spirit like CD. That first year after the shooting was rough on both of us. I think we fought more than we made love, and that's saying a lot. But neither of us was very good at relationships, and we certainly didn't understand that there might be someone out there willing to help without ulterior motives. It wasn't until a few weeks before the year anniversary, only six months after we'd gotten together, that I brought up the topic of children. I'd never thought I wanted kids, not after the hassles I saw with Jack and his son, but things changed when CD came into my life more intimately.
I'd considered adoption, but CD instantly offered to carry the baby if we could find a male donor that matched my coloring. Within days, Casey'd heard about it and offered to help out if he and Geoff could share in raising the baby. The fact that CD got pregnant with the first turkey baster treatment still has Casey strutting around with a puffed up chest.
"Mimi? Fish today?"
"Yep, as soon as Mama gets out of the shower and I take mine, we'll have breakfast and meet Uncle Casey and Uncle Geoff at the aquarium. Maybe we'll even go out to the point and look for otters and seals in the surf. How's that sound?"
She giggles happily and continues to play with her little kitchen set as I finish up not only our breakfast but the picnic lunch we'll share later on. She begins to sing softly, and I recognize the song from Brother Bear almost instantly. Rikki and I never get tired of that movie, and CD gives me shit over it all the damned time. Not that I mind...much.
I honestly don't know what I'd do without CD and Rikki in my life. For all I know, I'd be dead. And deservedly so. I was more than self-destructive back then, but I wouldn't see it in myself, no matter what anyone else said.
** 5 decades later **
++ Rikki ++
Five times a year, I make the trek to this cemetery.
Five times a year, I lay peace roses on the dual gravestone.
Five times a year, I wish I didn't have to be here.
Five times a year, I feel their losses all over again.
It's been almost ten years since Mimi died. The doctors told us her body'd been too abused by the drugs and alcohol back before she and Mama got together. She'd died in her sleep, curled up in her favorite lazyboy chair. Mama knew when it happened. She got this look on her face, half-puzzled, half-relieved. Mimi had been feeling kind of sick and was crankier than usual. Mama said it was about time Mimi gave her a damned break from all the bitching.
Mama wasn't quite the same after that. It was understandable; after all, they'd spent the better part of forty years together, and that didn't include the time they worked together before that.
Mama just died three years ago. She really hadn't been the same after Mimi died. She did what she could to stay alive at the time. She hung in there long enough to meet her great-granddaughter, Jinny Candace. She said the baby looked just like the baby pictures she'd shown me of Mimi. I hadn't realized that my Annie could cry as much as she had when Mama said she was so proud of that baby.
I take a deep breath and start to pull the weeds from the sides of the gravestone. The recent summer storms have caused serious havoc on parts of San Francisco. Mama and Mimi wouldn't want any kind of sloppiness in their final resting place. After Mimi had died, Mama came here almost every day. She'd talk to Mimi just like old times. She always said it made her feel better because Mimi couldn't get in the last word anymore.
I miss them terribly, but I know they had full, rich lives together. Mimi ended up rising all the way up to Police Commissioner before she retired. Mama always joked that Mimi had been after Gramma Kait's job. Mimi always told her to go to hell, but grinned proudly anyway.
I taught my Annie about Uncle Casey's sandwiches and Brother Bear, just like Mimi and Mama taught me. And now it's time for Annie to continue the tradition with Jinny Candace. I can see a lot of both of my mothers in my granddaughter. She's already said she wants to be a cop like her great-grammies. And I know she will be. She's just like them.