No, really...a kinda real update...
How I have neglected this lately. True, it's not really my fault, ok, probably is, but this is the world we live in. Life revolved around LJ, then MySpace - now it seems that most people are making that transition into FaceBook and Twitter. You won't find me on either of them. I'm pretty sure my networking days are coming to an end.
I figured I would give a shout out and let people know that I'm doing more than getting by these days. My job is if-y but it's really the last thing on my mind. It's really weird when you wake up one morning and you just kinda think to yourself, "Hey, everything is going to be all right" and then you follow through on that thought. Anxiety still swarms in my head and shakes my body from time to time, but it's not nearly as bad as it used to be. I'm a nervous person. I'm an emotional person. As much as I never wanted to believe these aspects about my personality, I have come to terms with them.
There is so much I am still learning about myself every single day. It's incredible. Every morning I wake up and grapple with new thoughts, but by the end of the day, I'm pretty much at ease. Unfortunately, this has taken quite a toll on my ability of writing. I guess that's just one ability I will sacrifice for inner peace.
I don't ingest drugs as frequently anymore. I sleep more. I have more of a routine.
I can look back, even a year, and see how dramatically I've changed. It's not bad. It's comforting. Just a year ago, I was ready to jump ship out of Massachusetts and chase this wild dream south of the mason-dixon line. I can't express to you how GLAD I am that I didn't do that, even though I inadvertently hurt a person that I didn't mean to...
Everything happens for a reason.
People drift in and out of my life, like the waves of the ocean. People who I am close with at one point in time will become distant and others will become closer, and vice versa. I consider myself truly blessed though that I have so many friends that remember I am alive and still want to be a part of my life. I realized this on my 26th birthday. I was surrounded by old and new friends, and it was truly awesome. I couldn't even begin to express how truly touched with who showed. I wish I could cut that night up and spend it with every single person who was there, but it was hectic and I was shiwasted, so apologies.
Where exactly am I? Well, Dan moved to Lowell from Cincinnati back in April. (For those of you who haven't heard this story on how Dan and I met- its kinda fantastic.) Since then, life has been really bittersweet. He's my rock- not to sound so cliche, and to go even further with the cliche-i-ness...I'm deeply in love. I don't have to compromise any part of myself and neither does he, and we compliment each other so well. We feed off each other. We talk about almost everything and anything, which is a huge change compared to my recent previous relationship. Dan also doesn't have a problem talking to my friends who AREN'T from Lowell. I don't mean to trash YouKnowWho, but, you know, you live and you learn and you come to appreciate the little things you were previously lacking FAR more. I can only wish him the best and hope that one day he finds the happiness he's looking for.
Anyway, a couple of weeks ago my landlord stopped by to tell myself, Matty, and Timmy that he had to file for bankruptcy and thus, the bank was foreclosing on the house and we had to leave. A long story and many conflicting thoughts and anxiety and nervousness later, I decided to move in with Dan. (He asked me to the first night I told him about my "eviction".) I am currently in the process of doing so...and I haven't felt so secure about this kind of decision in a very long time.
I have found happiness. Not just happiness, but happiness AND true love. And isn't that what life is about anyway? Living and enjoying the moment and smiling with every breath of air you inhale because it feels so good to exist... That's what we all search for, right?
"Love is giving someone the power to destroy, and trusting that they won't."
I don't even have my fingers crossed on this one. I'm done with relying on luck. I'm running strictly on heart.
I figured I would give a shout out and let people know that I'm doing more than getting by these days. My job is if-y but it's really the last thing on my mind. It's really weird when you wake up one morning and you just kinda think to yourself, "Hey, everything is going to be all right" and then you follow through on that thought. Anxiety still swarms in my head and shakes my body from time to time, but it's not nearly as bad as it used to be. I'm a nervous person. I'm an emotional person. As much as I never wanted to believe these aspects about my personality, I have come to terms with them.
There is so much I am still learning about myself every single day. It's incredible. Every morning I wake up and grapple with new thoughts, but by the end of the day, I'm pretty much at ease. Unfortunately, this has taken quite a toll on my ability of writing. I guess that's just one ability I will sacrifice for inner peace.
I don't ingest drugs as frequently anymore. I sleep more. I have more of a routine.
I can look back, even a year, and see how dramatically I've changed. It's not bad. It's comforting. Just a year ago, I was ready to jump ship out of Massachusetts and chase this wild dream south of the mason-dixon line. I can't express to you how GLAD I am that I didn't do that, even though I inadvertently hurt a person that I didn't mean to...
Everything happens for a reason.
People drift in and out of my life, like the waves of the ocean. People who I am close with at one point in time will become distant and others will become closer, and vice versa. I consider myself truly blessed though that I have so many friends that remember I am alive and still want to be a part of my life. I realized this on my 26th birthday. I was surrounded by old and new friends, and it was truly awesome. I couldn't even begin to express how truly touched with who showed. I wish I could cut that night up and spend it with every single person who was there, but it was hectic and I was shiwasted, so apologies.
Where exactly am I? Well, Dan moved to Lowell from Cincinnati back in April. (For those of you who haven't heard this story on how Dan and I met- its kinda fantastic.) Since then, life has been really bittersweet. He's my rock- not to sound so cliche, and to go even further with the cliche-i-ness...I'm deeply in love. I don't have to compromise any part of myself and neither does he, and we compliment each other so well. We feed off each other. We talk about almost everything and anything, which is a huge change compared to my recent previous relationship. Dan also doesn't have a problem talking to my friends who AREN'T from Lowell. I don't mean to trash YouKnowWho, but, you know, you live and you learn and you come to appreciate the little things you were previously lacking FAR more. I can only wish him the best and hope that one day he finds the happiness he's looking for.
Anyway, a couple of weeks ago my landlord stopped by to tell myself, Matty, and Timmy that he had to file for bankruptcy and thus, the bank was foreclosing on the house and we had to leave. A long story and many conflicting thoughts and anxiety and nervousness later, I decided to move in with Dan. (He asked me to the first night I told him about my "eviction".) I am currently in the process of doing so...and I haven't felt so secure about this kind of decision in a very long time.
I have found happiness. Not just happiness, but happiness AND true love. And isn't that what life is about anyway? Living and enjoying the moment and smiling with every breath of air you inhale because it feels so good to exist... That's what we all search for, right?
"Love is giving someone the power to destroy, and trusting that they won't."
I don't even have my fingers crossed on this one. I'm done with relying on luck. I'm running strictly on heart.