Mar 29, 2011 13:54
Lately I've been coming out of a place much darker than the doldrums.
I went through sad, apathetic, hopeless, hurt, whiney, and even came pretty close to giving up. I felt the range of negative emotions over and over, and it kept getting worse. Eventually I wondered if rock bottom was just a myth, created to make us think there would eventually come an end to this suffering we sometimes fall into.
Then I hit something. I can't say for sure it's the real thing, because I don't want to jinx it... but I think the falling feeling has ended. Instead of plummeting into a well of discontent (metaphor, oh barf) I seem to be standing on solid ground. I'm searching around within and I'm finding something new in the darkness. Anger.
I'm really fucking irritated at the way the world is. Looking around, I see people everywhere struggling with burdens they can't handle and the big kicker of all of it is that they wouldn't have to suffer this way if other people weren't monsters. The financial imbalance in this country is astounding, and the fact that people can't see what it's doing to the economy, the poor, the working class -ALL of us- is outrageous.
Top all of that off with petty immature disputes between grown adults who seem to handle social situations with the same amount of integrity as children who've never been held accountable for anything a day in their lives... and I'm angry. I suppose you could say I'm angry at the world, but that would be somewhat misleading. I want individuals to take personal responsibility for their actions. All around me I see people deluding themselves into thinking they're nice people and lying to everyone else almost as frequently. What is so goddamned difficult about facing the truth about yourself? Maybe it's not pretty, and maybe some things need to change. Isn't it better to experience a bit of discomfort and then do something to remove it? Rather than live with a nail in your heel for the rest of time? If you're that disgusted with your own mistakes, then own them and make yourself better. For fuck sakes, people.
Plenty of things trickle down in this world -shit, rainwater, blood and lava just to name a few. You know what doesn't trickle down? JOBS. MONEY. POWER. RESPONSIBILITY. No, these things are not like water or feces. They are not naturally occurring semi-solid matter that flows where ever gravity takes them. These are forces to be managed by responsible parties or hoarded by greedy self-interested monsters that paint themselves as benefactors.
They get citizenship for their corporations, while we parlay about snipers shooting human beings who try to walk across our borders. They hoard wealth until the majority of our country's resources are tucked away in their bank accounts overseas and then bitch about the lazy people out there who won't work for a decent living and look for government handouts to feed their children. They get away with dishonest business practices, stealing, and lying to the public while hiding behind the logo that will get sued if anyone ever figures it out (because that logo is a person now, and it can be the whipping boy that never sheds a drop of blood). There is literally NO accountability in their future. Just beaches, bonuses, and gilded parachutes. They are monsters, and their quality of life is more important to them than human dignity or justice will ever be. How have we allowed our beautiful ideal, America, to fall victim to this?
Wasn't this supposed to be the country where anyone could start fresh? Open up a business and put blood, sweat, and tears into making a living for yourself and your family? We're all being duped by the goddamn financial wizards, and without the startup capitol you'll be lucky to turn a profit with a lemonade stand. Need money for a business, or life-saving surgery, or education, or a place to live? Go ahead and borrow it from the bank. They'll be happy to lend it plus interest, and accept your payments on it for the rest of your life. Want to graduate from the public education we're all provided with and start working toward that end? Hope you're good with a salt-shaker and a head-set.
The world is flawed, people are flawed. I know this and I accept it. That does not mean I'm willing to stand by and quietly watch injustice pile upon injustice while I do nothing. I will not train myself to feel nothing. Where do I channel all of this?
government,
politics,
injustice,
people,
anger,
money