Why I Am A Loser
1) I don't understand how any of the machinery that makes civilization possible actually works.
2) I am dependant upon food I don't know how to grow and medications I don't know how to make.
3) I don't understand biology, chemistry, higher math, computer science, engineering, or physics.
4) I don't understand politics or economics, although I suspect no politicians or economists understand them either.
5) I know a lot of facts about music, but cannot make any.
6) I have a lot of ideas for art projects, but do not know how to execute them.
7) Every month that I practice criminal law, I know less about it.
8) I can't speak any language but English.
9) I cannot articulate a rational argument, although occasionally I manage to write one down.
10) I cannot engage in any discussion without being convinced, at some point, that I don't know what I'm talking about.
11) In every conversation that goes beyond 'Hi, how are you?' there will be at least three jokes made that I do not get.
12) I do not get TV references, except from Doctor Who, The Simpsons, or Futurama.
13) I do not get computer game references of any kind.
14) The first draft of anything I write will be crap. The second draft of anything I write will be crap. The third draft... you get the idea.
15) Although the 13the draft is usually tolerable, I still suspect it is masturbatory and infantile.
16) I do not know how to use a sewing machine.
17) Sometimes I can't even tell if my daughter is seriously ill.