(no subject)
I've made my bed and now I must lie in it. I chose to move away from home. I chose to go to school and incur all that debt. I chose to major in English and Political Science and not Molecular Genetics. I chose to get married. Now my choices have come to my current situation.
If I would have stayed at home in Georgia, I could be doing any number of things right now. I think I would have gone to grad school because I would have been able to afford it. Or I could have traveled - saved up some money and then run away every now and then. But since I moved to California, I ended up making my own way and being poor. It's rewarding that everything I have, I earned in absolutely every sense of it, but I don't know.
If I would have waited just one year until I regained my California citizenship, I would have saved about $25,000. With interest, more like $40,000. I could have gone to a community college for two years, and then transferred. I could have gone straight to Cal. But I chose to go to a UC because of the UC reputation as a research-based program. I love my education, but I don't know.
If I would have majored in something useful, like my original major, I would have become something more than a dick-sucking paper-sifting numbnut office monkey. I wish someone had told me there would have been a recession. I think dropping out of my MIMG major was probably one of the worst decisions I've ever made. But I loved spending four years reading great books and having something interesting to comment on about Communism. I had a great time in college, but I don't know.
If I would have stayed single, I wouldn't be so limited in what I can do. Marriage sealed the deal, and now I can never go back. I don't regret marrying Sean, but life is really, really shitty and difficult when you're young, married, and poor. I can never just decide "Well, this shit sucks, I'm leaving" and move to my parents' house. I can never take on the perfect career if it's not in this exact location. I can never travel alone and think things over. But I chose him because I am confident he's my soul mate and I'm confident there is some future there. But I Don't Know.
Seems like I come to a new revelation every few weeks.
If I would have stayed at home in Georgia, I could be doing any number of things right now. I think I would have gone to grad school because I would have been able to afford it. Or I could have traveled - saved up some money and then run away every now and then. But since I moved to California, I ended up making my own way and being poor. It's rewarding that everything I have, I earned in absolutely every sense of it, but I don't know.
If I would have waited just one year until I regained my California citizenship, I would have saved about $25,000. With interest, more like $40,000. I could have gone to a community college for two years, and then transferred. I could have gone straight to Cal. But I chose to go to a UC because of the UC reputation as a research-based program. I love my education, but I don't know.
If I would have majored in something useful, like my original major, I would have become something more than a dick-sucking paper-sifting numbnut office monkey. I wish someone had told me there would have been a recession. I think dropping out of my MIMG major was probably one of the worst decisions I've ever made. But I loved spending four years reading great books and having something interesting to comment on about Communism. I had a great time in college, but I don't know.
If I would have stayed single, I wouldn't be so limited in what I can do. Marriage sealed the deal, and now I can never go back. I don't regret marrying Sean, but life is really, really shitty and difficult when you're young, married, and poor. I can never just decide "Well, this shit sucks, I'm leaving" and move to my parents' house. I can never take on the perfect career if it's not in this exact location. I can never travel alone and think things over. But I chose him because I am confident he's my soul mate and I'm confident there is some future there. But I Don't Know.
Seems like I come to a new revelation every few weeks.