ashlie pt 2
my grandma cried and called out all her inquires about your death.
matthew ran out of the room, desperately trying to catch his breath.
the police came then, and i don't want to repeat the first thing they said...
but basically, they said they need assistance.
and you were there, right on my bed,
so silent.
and i was there, prying open your eyelids.
but i'm not a doctor, so when the professionals showed up,
i left.
and everything since then has been a mess.
they rushed you in the ambulance, but to no avail.
they snapped. they said,
"she died inside,
but we could try to pull her back."
so they hooked you up to some machine
and shocked you back to life,
and you stayed in the hospital that night.
when everyone in the family found out what happened to you,
we piled in the car and visited your hospital room,
and i wish i never went with them. i do.
i wish i never saw you there as yellow as a sponge.
i wish i never saw your face.
you're way too, way too young.
and i wish your mouth still had a little
fucking life to hold in your tongue...
because i still think about that tongue everyday.
it's just, the way it hung so deadweight from your face...
this image of you ashlie; it will haunt me.
i can feel it in my bones each time i recall that memory,
i can feel it all inside me, i feel so alone.
and i feel your death; it's now part of my home.
and i just wish
your mom didn't unplug you.
because i loved you.
and i just wish
that everything was like it was before
because, you're always in my dreams.
everybody lies to me...
and nothing will surprise me anymore.