(no subject)
today i feel stuck.
somedays im golden.
yes i just said golden-
but it works right now.
somedays im moving forward at a rate that suprises even me.
on these days, nothing is wrong, i could care less what other people do, and im happy with myself.
its not exactly apathy...its just me being secure.
then other days,
like today,
im right back at the beginning--mentally..emotionally--whatever. its square one all over again.
how do i get unstuck?
and why do i get stuck in the first place?
today was actually good--
i laughed a lot
and i cooked a dinner that everyone liked. you know how important that is to me?sheesh..that right there should have been enough to make me week.
its not that im depressed..
i just keep reliving, rexpericing things that i would rather not think about. and it always happens at the weirdest times.
like at the grocery store today, and when i was watching smallville.
I wasnt even thinking when i was watching smallville.
all of a sudden im overcome with this stupid wave of memories--memories of things that ive gotten over, resolved, or just plain forgotten.
i dont understand why im doing this to myself.
only
i think i know exactly why.