where the wind hits heavy on the borderline
Dear Hypothetical, Potential Boyfriend,
Before we get too far there are some things that I feel should be made clear, I am a fan of lists, so I've laid it all out nicely for you.
1. I am a girl. You have hopefully noted this, it may even be one of the reasons that we are where we are. But this is an important detail that should not be accepted blindly. I am a girl, and as such I have certain quirks. I want you to cuddle me, but this needs to be done in an appropriate manner. Please don't assume that because I like physical contact that it is okay to grab at me in public. Please don't do that thing where your hands won't be still and you are constantly stroking me. I get it, you are human, and maybe very tactile, but you are (hopefully) not a 17 on ecstasy and I am not a pet. Sometimes it's nice just to touch and be still, remember that. A hand on my back, or on my knee is alright in public, but I will not sit on your lap and, when others are around, your hands should stay outside my clothing (there is a slight allowance here for hands on ankles and fingers where shirt meets pants). Don't take the fact that I am a girl to mean that I am unreasonably moody and don't begrudge me (too much) the occasional bad mood. If you ever do something that annoys me I will try and be civil about it, and if its so bad that we have to talk about it I will try and do it in the most respectful manner. Try and adopt a similar strategy.
2. I am a human. I will make many, many mistakes. At the beginning, some of these mistakes might be caused by nerves. I will be nervous around you, I will want to make a good impression and any insecurities I may have may cause me to do silly things. If you exhibit any similar symptoms I will forgive you them, please return the favour. If we progress in our relationship, some of these mistakes may be caused by laziness. Feel free to call me on this, and I will try and make ammends. As a human I have a body. Certain aspects of this body may not be entirely to my liking (see #1) and I may attempt to hide some of them from you to the best of my ability. Do not over indulge this as it will only make the problem worse, but do not patronize me and feed me lines about how 'beautiful' or 'special' any part of my body is. I want compliments to me meant and not recited. If you say something insincere, I will probably realise this and I will not appreciate it. I would rather not be complimented than to be told something cliched or formulaic (certain allowances will be made if the moment is heated).
3. I am me. I will be neurotic and I will be anal and I may squee or laugh at an inappropriate time and not laugh at an appropriate time. I will try and keep some of this to myself, so you do not have to bear the full brunt of my fan-girlitude and my inherent lameness. I will try and work on my social ineptitude and I will impress and adore your family, once they get over the aforementioned social ineptitude. Be patient with me and give yourself time to get used to my 'me-ness' before you go running. I will love to bake for you and I will love to listen to you complain about whatever has put you in a tiff. I will go out of my way to find useless information that you were curious about and every gift you receive from me will have been mulled over and examined from many angles until it is perfect. If there is something that you love doing, I will attempt to love doing it (if I don't already) and I will never begrudge you your alone time.
The start will be the worst for me, because you scare me and I am initially suspicious of your motives. But if you are patient and if you try and keep a positive attitude then I will look at you like you are the greatest thing to ever happen to me (which, hopefully you will be).
Now that all of that is clear, we can move forward in the getting to know each other phase. I suggest taking me to a movie, I like movies, and I will not let you buy my ticket every time, but I will let you buy me juice and I will share that juice with you.
Before we get too far there are some things that I feel should be made clear, I am a fan of lists, so I've laid it all out nicely for you.
1. I am a girl. You have hopefully noted this, it may even be one of the reasons that we are where we are. But this is an important detail that should not be accepted blindly. I am a girl, and as such I have certain quirks. I want you to cuddle me, but this needs to be done in an appropriate manner. Please don't assume that because I like physical contact that it is okay to grab at me in public. Please don't do that thing where your hands won't be still and you are constantly stroking me. I get it, you are human, and maybe very tactile, but you are (hopefully) not a 17 on ecstasy and I am not a pet. Sometimes it's nice just to touch and be still, remember that. A hand on my back, or on my knee is alright in public, but I will not sit on your lap and, when others are around, your hands should stay outside my clothing (there is a slight allowance here for hands on ankles and fingers where shirt meets pants). Don't take the fact that I am a girl to mean that I am unreasonably moody and don't begrudge me (too much) the occasional bad mood. If you ever do something that annoys me I will try and be civil about it, and if its so bad that we have to talk about it I will try and do it in the most respectful manner. Try and adopt a similar strategy.
2. I am a human. I will make many, many mistakes. At the beginning, some of these mistakes might be caused by nerves. I will be nervous around you, I will want to make a good impression and any insecurities I may have may cause me to do silly things. If you exhibit any similar symptoms I will forgive you them, please return the favour. If we progress in our relationship, some of these mistakes may be caused by laziness. Feel free to call me on this, and I will try and make ammends. As a human I have a body. Certain aspects of this body may not be entirely to my liking (see #1) and I may attempt to hide some of them from you to the best of my ability. Do not over indulge this as it will only make the problem worse, but do not patronize me and feed me lines about how 'beautiful' or 'special' any part of my body is. I want compliments to me meant and not recited. If you say something insincere, I will probably realise this and I will not appreciate it. I would rather not be complimented than to be told something cliched or formulaic (certain allowances will be made if the moment is heated).
3. I am me. I will be neurotic and I will be anal and I may squee or laugh at an inappropriate time and not laugh at an appropriate time. I will try and keep some of this to myself, so you do not have to bear the full brunt of my fan-girlitude and my inherent lameness. I will try and work on my social ineptitude and I will impress and adore your family, once they get over the aforementioned social ineptitude. Be patient with me and give yourself time to get used to my 'me-ness' before you go running. I will love to bake for you and I will love to listen to you complain about whatever has put you in a tiff. I will go out of my way to find useless information that you were curious about and every gift you receive from me will have been mulled over and examined from many angles until it is perfect. If there is something that you love doing, I will attempt to love doing it (if I don't already) and I will never begrudge you your alone time.
The start will be the worst for me, because you scare me and I am initially suspicious of your motives. But if you are patient and if you try and keep a positive attitude then I will look at you like you are the greatest thing to ever happen to me (which, hopefully you will be).
Now that all of that is clear, we can move forward in the getting to know each other phase. I suggest taking me to a movie, I like movies, and I will not let you buy my ticket every time, but I will let you buy me juice and I will share that juice with you.