(no subject)
I'm tired. I'm sick. I hate everything. I want to go home. I want school to be over.
The worry about my future just hit me. I don't know how to work at a real job. I don't know how to pay fucking bills or do taxes. I can't make friends...and I'm going to be across the country from my best friends. The only thing I've learned how to do in the past fucking 19 years is sit in class and listen to teachers...and get assigned homework I never do. That stupid threat my teachers always used on me about how my work ethic would get me fired in the real world is starting to ring true. I'm scared. I don't want to deal with bosses who just yell at me all the time...then when I go home crying to Dan he's just going to tell me to grow up and get used to it...but I've spent my whole life avoiding the people that yell at me...I don't want to have to start all over again. I know I'm going to fuck up wherever I go...and I don't want to get yelled at or treated badly. Becoming a professional student is starting to appeal to me. I hate school...but I don't want to venture into the unknown...
I don't thing Dan understands my anxiety...nobody except maybe Pixy does...I should have made more connections here...I should have tried harder to get work experience. I should have actually worked on my homework.
I watched The Weatherman tonight. I liked it a lot...but I don't think it's realistic...at least not yet...I'm not ready to grow up.
The worry about my future just hit me. I don't know how to work at a real job. I don't know how to pay fucking bills or do taxes. I can't make friends...and I'm going to be across the country from my best friends. The only thing I've learned how to do in the past fucking 19 years is sit in class and listen to teachers...and get assigned homework I never do. That stupid threat my teachers always used on me about how my work ethic would get me fired in the real world is starting to ring true. I'm scared. I don't want to deal with bosses who just yell at me all the time...then when I go home crying to Dan he's just going to tell me to grow up and get used to it...but I've spent my whole life avoiding the people that yell at me...I don't want to have to start all over again. I know I'm going to fuck up wherever I go...and I don't want to get yelled at or treated badly. Becoming a professional student is starting to appeal to me. I hate school...but I don't want to venture into the unknown...
I don't thing Dan understands my anxiety...nobody except maybe Pixy does...I should have made more connections here...I should have tried harder to get work experience. I should have actually worked on my homework.
I watched The Weatherman tonight. I liked it a lot...but I don't think it's realistic...at least not yet...I'm not ready to grow up.