(no subject)
Ugh, the guilt of not having posted in 2 months. The guilt, the guilt, and yet, it is a quirk that I have always harboured for unknown reasons: The need to disappear. I have done this ever since wee tot-hood, and I cannot explain why but it is so very refreshing to not be on the radar for a while.
I think that Meg's New Years with Caitlin must have been really nice...just to see her again and have a little bit of that nice fuzzy college period (which as I think about it was rarely ever nice and fuzzy, but let's let hindsight take a little detour shall we?)
I went to Germany for Christmas to visit Bartek's parents which was cool because Munich is an awsome city and i can go to the old town square and buy hot wine with spices and fried almonds, the most delicious nosh snack in the UNIVERSE!!So this is a plus, however, I have this strange feeling of...well, it feels like part of my subconscious is being strangled every time I'm with them. They're very nice people, I love his mom, and his dad is fun too but during every night of the trip I woke up, my pyjamas completely drenched with sweat feeling like darkness was closing in on me, and as the trip wore on I slowly withdrew into myself, I would get physically tired being around them and sometimes start to feel sick...really strange. perhaps it's his ancestry, his father is part cossak so technically his ancestors killed my ancestors. Though I'm sure in the US this is not uncommon given the fact that we're all a bunch of mutts.
New Years was pleasant and uneventful, went over to Bartek's friend's house, I was happy, kind of drunk, and sucking on a hookah for most of the night so that was okay, but again, these are not my friend's really.
The Age of Poland is nearing and end for me. Bartek and I are planning to move to Barcelona in september, I'm finally going to take a TESOL course and we're planning on enrolling in a really good mime school (hopefully we'll get in :-). So this is good. I think Spain would be little more up my alley than Poland. I can tell already in fact because I'm starting to learn spanish and it's fun, whereas I never really learned polish nor did I ever have the inclination to. The reason is this and I have learned my lesson well: however the cards fell afterwords I moved to Warsaw for Bartek. NEVER MOVE SOMEWHERE FOR ANOTHER PERSON. Moving somewhere to fulfill a dream is underwear of an entirely different color. So i ended up not giving a whit for the country I live in and this is bad, as one must make onesself happy and one's environment either vastly improves or worsens one's mental state. so now that i chose a place based on a desire both to do something and to be somewhere I find that I am excited about life, joyful, and full of hope.
Perhaps everyone knew this already, and i am but a stunted nubin of a biscuit who's not finished learning lessons that other's had mastered at age 11, but oh well. Stunted or not I am a bicuit, and that is all a biscuit can be. god I hope this plan comes through, this would just be so great and make me so happy. Please, please, please....
Leaving for Qatar again tomorrow, 3 hours to sleep...
I think that Meg's New Years with Caitlin must have been really nice...just to see her again and have a little bit of that nice fuzzy college period (which as I think about it was rarely ever nice and fuzzy, but let's let hindsight take a little detour shall we?)
I went to Germany for Christmas to visit Bartek's parents which was cool because Munich is an awsome city and i can go to the old town square and buy hot wine with spices and fried almonds, the most delicious nosh snack in the UNIVERSE!!So this is a plus, however, I have this strange feeling of...well, it feels like part of my subconscious is being strangled every time I'm with them. They're very nice people, I love his mom, and his dad is fun too but during every night of the trip I woke up, my pyjamas completely drenched with sweat feeling like darkness was closing in on me, and as the trip wore on I slowly withdrew into myself, I would get physically tired being around them and sometimes start to feel sick...really strange. perhaps it's his ancestry, his father is part cossak so technically his ancestors killed my ancestors. Though I'm sure in the US this is not uncommon given the fact that we're all a bunch of mutts.
New Years was pleasant and uneventful, went over to Bartek's friend's house, I was happy, kind of drunk, and sucking on a hookah for most of the night so that was okay, but again, these are not my friend's really.
The Age of Poland is nearing and end for me. Bartek and I are planning to move to Barcelona in september, I'm finally going to take a TESOL course and we're planning on enrolling in a really good mime school (hopefully we'll get in :-). So this is good. I think Spain would be little more up my alley than Poland. I can tell already in fact because I'm starting to learn spanish and it's fun, whereas I never really learned polish nor did I ever have the inclination to. The reason is this and I have learned my lesson well: however the cards fell afterwords I moved to Warsaw for Bartek. NEVER MOVE SOMEWHERE FOR ANOTHER PERSON. Moving somewhere to fulfill a dream is underwear of an entirely different color. So i ended up not giving a whit for the country I live in and this is bad, as one must make onesself happy and one's environment either vastly improves or worsens one's mental state. so now that i chose a place based on a desire both to do something and to be somewhere I find that I am excited about life, joyful, and full of hope.
Perhaps everyone knew this already, and i am but a stunted nubin of a biscuit who's not finished learning lessons that other's had mastered at age 11, but oh well. Stunted or not I am a bicuit, and that is all a biscuit can be. god I hope this plan comes through, this would just be so great and make me so happy. Please, please, please....
Leaving for Qatar again tomorrow, 3 hours to sleep...