a my space blog copied here
the ten things/people thingy...you get it :o)
1. you've changed. and i hate it. summer before freshman year, do you remember how close we were? hoe could you not. on the phone for two hours every morning as soon as you woke up-first thing you did was call me. and we never ran out of things to talk about. and you were always there for me. but time has passed, and now after the way we've both changed-i dont think you realize how close to my heart i still hold you. how much that one letter from camp means to me. because i got it from the old you. not who you are now. you try to hard to be funny. youre arrogant. you fucking smoke to g-d damn much. you think its no big deal- but i bet you dont even make it through your first year of college. your mommy's not gonna be friends with all the teahcers @ your COLLEGE. there not gonna baby you, or let things go because ur mommy's on the school board. (wow guess this ones kinda obvious isnt it). and you have so much potential. you could do amazing things. and i think that when i see you. and then i talk to someone who just bought your ridalin (which you should be TAKING) off of you for their test next period. and it reminds me of how much you live in the moment, and how carless that makes you sometimes. i wish the best for you, and i swear when were 80, i'll still have that letter.
2. we've gotten so close this past year and i love it. you never fail to make me laugh. (and i love yours) we can talk for hours about anything. and you were so great that night after i got with ..... calming me down. youre good with that. but plz- with all this posotive and ...popular? attention youre getting right now-plz dont let that go to your head. because thats not like you and i love you just the way your are.
3. i love you so much. you'll never really understand how much. we can talk for hours and walk away from the conversation and realize that we talked about nothing @ all, or have intense conversations that just make us cry. youre so selfless its amazing. you are destined to help people in your life and i think you allready got a head start with me.you never let me down, you let me think imalways right but are still always honest. and youre so brave. to stand up to all the shit ppl put u through and never snap. im envious of your stability and endurance. you go girl.
4. i know this is probably hard to beleive, but i think about you alot. and i worry. but then i see/hear of you doing well and cant help but smile. i know we have this love-hate relationship that even WE cant keep straight sometimes but still, whenever i think of you, i dont think of all the aweful things we've said to eachother (which i am sorry for btw) i think of being on the phone from 10-3 in the morning. and kara. and you "randomly" picking my locker to put the paper w/ the ink on. :) and i think of the end of homewood days last year when we were sitting on that bench in the front of the irwin center. and i think of sitting out in the hallways till 330 waiting 4 your brother and my mom just-talking. and of standing in line for batman @ 6 flags when u told me you n your mom went to lunch and thats what made me keep my end of the deal up by going on the rollercoaster. and how you telling me about talking to her made my whole...year. and of "once apon a time there was light in my life, but now theres only love in the dark, nothing i can do total eclipse of the heart"
5. "what happened to you?" if i asked you this in relalife you would have no clue what to respond with. because you don't see that you've even changed. you think it's everyone around you. but not you. oh heavens no. don't you realize that you hurt everyone else MORE with your oblivious-ness? it doesn't excuse you. maybe at first but...def. not anymore. you've let so many people down. no ones angry with you. (that would waste to much energy since you wouldnt even catch on to it anyway) were all just...disapointed. idn if you'll ever snap out of it, but i hope that one day you at the very least learn not to be so dependent on people because that's what we had to learn when u let us down.
6. you get me so much its unbeleivable. i remember meeting you for the first time and i never imagined us becoming so close, but not i cant imagine not being the way we are now. last night was so much fun. we need more nights like that. im sorry im pushy. and tweek out over shit. and inconvienence you alot. but plz know i love you. and appreciate you so much.
7. i miss you.and idn if that's returned but i don't even care.although we did say aweful shit to eachother and were really hurtful, it cant erase what we had. and i know that you know that too. i still cant follow what kind of friend i was to you (sicne one minute i was awseome" while we had it" and the next minute i was a bitch and made you "feel like shit everyday we were together"), but considering the way things are now im guessing, and hoping, that it was closer to the first one. i feel like i watch you through a telivison screen. i know whats going on in your life but i just watch it because i cant do anything. but i feel for you. and im still here for you always
8. you are my sister. not my friend. because we've done more and been through more and talked about more than any friend ever should :) i love how reliable you are. and how much i know that you are a constant. a meteor could be falling from the sky landed for homewood, and i could still call you for anything. ::vice versa sweetheart:: i'll never forget the last night i spent at your house. or our friends' closet. or kyle's balls. :) but i worry about you sometimes. i was so happy the other day when u told me who you were hanging with. theyre very lucky to have you. im here for you always and i will def. be telling my kids about you. :)
9. i'm going to miss you so much. i still cant beleive youre leaving. and i know that ive distanced myself from you, but plz know that it is becasue i cant bare to get any more attached to you before you're gone. and yea yea, i know im overreacting its no big deal-only 20 minutes away. but yea- so was shain. and when was the last time anyone talked to that kid? and im really good at keeping in touch- i just...dont want to have to, yano? well you know i'll always love you and...date for homewood days? :)
10. you are family to me. your whole family is. i love how unexpected our sudden closeness yet how great it was because we were going through the same aweful thing @ the same time and i know that you were really helpful with my situation and i hope i was to yours. i love how we replaced my spot @ subway with ours. and how our ((stronger)) friendship lasted and grew while theirs died out. (not that im happy theirs died out @ all, but im proud that we could take the reason that we had become close and evolve it into more than that so that it could grow and flourish into what it has become) i miss you though. and don't wanna loose you. so we gosta fix that. cause i cant do that aweful-ness two years in a row esp. right when it happened like a year ago now. because i love you so much. and thank you for everything. i am SO always here for you. never underestimate that. b/c no matter what- it will never go away.
*no i dc i have more than 10 :)*
11.i love how fast we became close. and how random it was. but the seating chart was random so i guess you and i were fate. you are SO easy to talk to. i hate it when we fight. and im sry for all the aweful things i have said to you- but you hurt me alot.and now- i dont even know what we are now. but i guess its better than nothing. :/ i hate how your best friend doesnt like me. and i also hate how much you follow her, and have lost some of yourself in the process. and how unbeknownst to you and those closely around you- you have become your worst nightmare. you now are what you most hated in your life. you have become what you ran away from. im in awe that you would let this happen because i know how much u hate it/them and how much it hurt you to have to let them go. but y would u let that happen to you when u first hand saw it happen to someone else and saw what it did to them? i have not heart to tell you this b/c i dont know what your reaction would be and its really none of my business, but i see it. and idn how much longer i can bare to look.
12. i hate how much time we wasted hating eachother in jr. high for either no reason or some pretty dunb ass ones. we totally click tho, yano? like-we just fit together really easily which i certainly didnt expect at first. we have alot in common too, which makes it really easy for you to always understand where i'm coming from. youre always honest and i love that you never have any problems telling me w/e you think and/or the answers to any questions i may have, even when you know its something im not going to want to hear. i love how when we first got close- you let me know where you stood on stuff i told you and said your advice and what not- and then let it go. you never pestere me for it, and made me feel bad or guilty for anything i've done. you gave it your go and then u let it go. and u always let me know how much u g=just want me to be happy. i love that. and how like once a month something totally philosophical will come out of your mouth totally randomely and we'll both be like "wait!- what was that? write it down before you forget! hurry!". i love how random things that i can find in my kitchen will always remind me of you. :)thanks for everything. i know that no matter what we will always be able to talk abd thereofre-stay friends.
guess if one is you n ill tell you if ur right!
xoxo
1. you've changed. and i hate it. summer before freshman year, do you remember how close we were? hoe could you not. on the phone for two hours every morning as soon as you woke up-first thing you did was call me. and we never ran out of things to talk about. and you were always there for me. but time has passed, and now after the way we've both changed-i dont think you realize how close to my heart i still hold you. how much that one letter from camp means to me. because i got it from the old you. not who you are now. you try to hard to be funny. youre arrogant. you fucking smoke to g-d damn much. you think its no big deal- but i bet you dont even make it through your first year of college. your mommy's not gonna be friends with all the teahcers @ your COLLEGE. there not gonna baby you, or let things go because ur mommy's on the school board. (wow guess this ones kinda obvious isnt it). and you have so much potential. you could do amazing things. and i think that when i see you. and then i talk to someone who just bought your ridalin (which you should be TAKING) off of you for their test next period. and it reminds me of how much you live in the moment, and how carless that makes you sometimes. i wish the best for you, and i swear when were 80, i'll still have that letter.
2. we've gotten so close this past year and i love it. you never fail to make me laugh. (and i love yours) we can talk for hours about anything. and you were so great that night after i got with ..... calming me down. youre good with that. but plz- with all this posotive and ...popular? attention youre getting right now-plz dont let that go to your head. because thats not like you and i love you just the way your are.
3. i love you so much. you'll never really understand how much. we can talk for hours and walk away from the conversation and realize that we talked about nothing @ all, or have intense conversations that just make us cry. youre so selfless its amazing. you are destined to help people in your life and i think you allready got a head start with me.you never let me down, you let me think imalways right but are still always honest. and youre so brave. to stand up to all the shit ppl put u through and never snap. im envious of your stability and endurance. you go girl.
4. i know this is probably hard to beleive, but i think about you alot. and i worry. but then i see/hear of you doing well and cant help but smile. i know we have this love-hate relationship that even WE cant keep straight sometimes but still, whenever i think of you, i dont think of all the aweful things we've said to eachother (which i am sorry for btw) i think of being on the phone from 10-3 in the morning. and kara. and you "randomly" picking my locker to put the paper w/ the ink on. :) and i think of the end of homewood days last year when we were sitting on that bench in the front of the irwin center. and i think of sitting out in the hallways till 330 waiting 4 your brother and my mom just-talking. and of standing in line for batman @ 6 flags when u told me you n your mom went to lunch and thats what made me keep my end of the deal up by going on the rollercoaster. and how you telling me about talking to her made my whole...year. and of "once apon a time there was light in my life, but now theres only love in the dark, nothing i can do total eclipse of the heart"
5. "what happened to you?" if i asked you this in relalife you would have no clue what to respond with. because you don't see that you've even changed. you think it's everyone around you. but not you. oh heavens no. don't you realize that you hurt everyone else MORE with your oblivious-ness? it doesn't excuse you. maybe at first but...def. not anymore. you've let so many people down. no ones angry with you. (that would waste to much energy since you wouldnt even catch on to it anyway) were all just...disapointed. idn if you'll ever snap out of it, but i hope that one day you at the very least learn not to be so dependent on people because that's what we had to learn when u let us down.
6. you get me so much its unbeleivable. i remember meeting you for the first time and i never imagined us becoming so close, but not i cant imagine not being the way we are now. last night was so much fun. we need more nights like that. im sorry im pushy. and tweek out over shit. and inconvienence you alot. but plz know i love you. and appreciate you so much.
7. i miss you.and idn if that's returned but i don't even care.although we did say aweful shit to eachother and were really hurtful, it cant erase what we had. and i know that you know that too. i still cant follow what kind of friend i was to you (sicne one minute i was awseome" while we had it" and the next minute i was a bitch and made you "feel like shit everyday we were together"), but considering the way things are now im guessing, and hoping, that it was closer to the first one. i feel like i watch you through a telivison screen. i know whats going on in your life but i just watch it because i cant do anything. but i feel for you. and im still here for you always
8. you are my sister. not my friend. because we've done more and been through more and talked about more than any friend ever should :) i love how reliable you are. and how much i know that you are a constant. a meteor could be falling from the sky landed for homewood, and i could still call you for anything. ::vice versa sweetheart:: i'll never forget the last night i spent at your house. or our friends' closet. or kyle's balls. :) but i worry about you sometimes. i was so happy the other day when u told me who you were hanging with. theyre very lucky to have you. im here for you always and i will def. be telling my kids about you. :)
9. i'm going to miss you so much. i still cant beleive youre leaving. and i know that ive distanced myself from you, but plz know that it is becasue i cant bare to get any more attached to you before you're gone. and yea yea, i know im overreacting its no big deal-only 20 minutes away. but yea- so was shain. and when was the last time anyone talked to that kid? and im really good at keeping in touch- i just...dont want to have to, yano? well you know i'll always love you and...date for homewood days? :)
10. you are family to me. your whole family is. i love how unexpected our sudden closeness yet how great it was because we were going through the same aweful thing @ the same time and i know that you were really helpful with my situation and i hope i was to yours. i love how we replaced my spot @ subway with ours. and how our ((stronger)) friendship lasted and grew while theirs died out. (not that im happy theirs died out @ all, but im proud that we could take the reason that we had become close and evolve it into more than that so that it could grow and flourish into what it has become) i miss you though. and don't wanna loose you. so we gosta fix that. cause i cant do that aweful-ness two years in a row esp. right when it happened like a year ago now. because i love you so much. and thank you for everything. i am SO always here for you. never underestimate that. b/c no matter what- it will never go away.
*no i dc i have more than 10 :)*
11.i love how fast we became close. and how random it was. but the seating chart was random so i guess you and i were fate. you are SO easy to talk to. i hate it when we fight. and im sry for all the aweful things i have said to you- but you hurt me alot.and now- i dont even know what we are now. but i guess its better than nothing. :/ i hate how your best friend doesnt like me. and i also hate how much you follow her, and have lost some of yourself in the process. and how unbeknownst to you and those closely around you- you have become your worst nightmare. you now are what you most hated in your life. you have become what you ran away from. im in awe that you would let this happen because i know how much u hate it/them and how much it hurt you to have to let them go. but y would u let that happen to you when u first hand saw it happen to someone else and saw what it did to them? i have not heart to tell you this b/c i dont know what your reaction would be and its really none of my business, but i see it. and idn how much longer i can bare to look.
12. i hate how much time we wasted hating eachother in jr. high for either no reason or some pretty dunb ass ones. we totally click tho, yano? like-we just fit together really easily which i certainly didnt expect at first. we have alot in common too, which makes it really easy for you to always understand where i'm coming from. youre always honest and i love that you never have any problems telling me w/e you think and/or the answers to any questions i may have, even when you know its something im not going to want to hear. i love how when we first got close- you let me know where you stood on stuff i told you and said your advice and what not- and then let it go. you never pestere me for it, and made me feel bad or guilty for anything i've done. you gave it your go and then u let it go. and u always let me know how much u g=just want me to be happy. i love that. and how like once a month something totally philosophical will come out of your mouth totally randomely and we'll both be like "wait!- what was that? write it down before you forget! hurry!". i love how random things that i can find in my kitchen will always remind me of you. :)thanks for everything. i know that no matter what we will always be able to talk abd thereofre-stay friends.
guess if one is you n ill tell you if ur right!
xoxo