Nem Megyek Vissza
Wow, this must be the most emotional, confusing, frustrating, upsetting, peaceful, and mindboggling week I've ever gone through in my life. The good news is that I've mostly figured things out. The bad news is getting everything defined. Who knows though, I might change my mind tomorrow. I doubt it, but it's possible.
So I'm sick to my stomach again. Too much information, too much good and bad information, too many opinions, too much too much too much! All I long for is simplicity, sanity, and consistency. But really, the bad news was just too much. I think I'm on the other side of the fence finally, after sitting atop all week.
And on top of all the above (vague, I know.. sorry), I'm stressed to the fucking brink about money matters. I need a job. Badly. Like, not even funny badly. I suppose I should start writing those copywriter assignments, but it's hard to do with school on the mind and trying to get that taken care of. And I still haven't taken care of the UCLA grades issue. Fuck. I have too much guilt and shame to man-up and email my professor and beg him for a D- just so I can get the fuck out of here. I just have to do it though. If he says no, fine. Then I drop the courses. I'm such a coward though.
And in the meantime I feel like I'm reliving my fate as fucking Goldilocks with the three bears (although it's more than three now). Everything has to be juuuust right. At this rate, I'm going to give up and enter a convent at the age of 30. That wouldn't be so bad. I'd be in charge of the garden and I'd start everyone on yoga classes (gentle yoga for the old ladies).
Only good news today: I went to Aubre's belly dance class (thanks to Nicole <3)! Felt great. Loved it. Needed it.
Now to get a job so I can afford weekly classes with her and weekly yoga classes. Uh, not to mention bills.
Screw my rough draft. I'm too tired for that crap right now. I don't think I can handle anything more than a quiz tomorrow.
I'm so overwhelmed.
I wish I knew, definitively, what to do and what is right.
So I'm sick to my stomach again. Too much information, too much good and bad information, too many opinions, too much too much too much! All I long for is simplicity, sanity, and consistency. But really, the bad news was just too much. I think I'm on the other side of the fence finally, after sitting atop all week.
And on top of all the above (vague, I know.. sorry), I'm stressed to the fucking brink about money matters. I need a job. Badly. Like, not even funny badly. I suppose I should start writing those copywriter assignments, but it's hard to do with school on the mind and trying to get that taken care of. And I still haven't taken care of the UCLA grades issue. Fuck. I have too much guilt and shame to man-up and email my professor and beg him for a D- just so I can get the fuck out of here. I just have to do it though. If he says no, fine. Then I drop the courses. I'm such a coward though.
And in the meantime I feel like I'm reliving my fate as fucking Goldilocks with the three bears (although it's more than three now). Everything has to be juuuust right. At this rate, I'm going to give up and enter a convent at the age of 30. That wouldn't be so bad. I'd be in charge of the garden and I'd start everyone on yoga classes (gentle yoga for the old ladies).
Only good news today: I went to Aubre's belly dance class (thanks to Nicole <3)! Felt great. Loved it. Needed it.
Now to get a job so I can afford weekly classes with her and weekly yoga classes. Uh, not to mention bills.
Screw my rough draft. I'm too tired for that crap right now. I don't think I can handle anything more than a quiz tomorrow.
I'm so overwhelmed.
I wish I knew, definitively, what to do and what is right.