I never thought about this before, but this week I was thinking about my grandad (god I love that man) and I think I would dissapoint him if he knew I had an eating disorder. I don't think he would be sad, or feel sorry for me, I think he'd be dissapointed. He loves me with all of his heart, he's the nicest person I know, but I think he's beyond understanding this. To him the solution would be to eat. And it scares me that I may ever reach a point where he knows. I couldn't bare to let him down like that.
2. A memory:
I remember one of my favourite holidays ever. I was about 9 I think and I went to Jersey (an island between England and France)with my family. There was a tree overlooking the sea outside my window/door. I would sit on my bed and just watch it. Soak it in so I would never forget how beautiful it was. And I remember one night me and my brother were outside, it was very dark and we walked down to the playground. It was only us there and we could hear the crickets in the grass and there were stars covering the sky. I just sat on the swing, swinging slowly back and forth. It was so peaceful. I was so happy then.
3. Some lyrics I like (Tiny Vessels by Death Cab For Cutie) -
"All I see are dark grey clouds In the distance moving closer with every hour So when you ask "was something wrong?" That i think "you're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now. No, we can't talk about it now."
So one last touch and then you'll go And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more But it was vile, and it was cheap And you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me Yeah you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me"
Okay I'm done!
I love love love that photo. Did you take it?
This is a lovely idea for a post. It's so random and cute.
yes, Im always thinking about what my family would think about stuff like that...i dont think theyll ever understand. and i dont know how i could explain either!!
i love childhood memories so much! everything was so perfect then ... i lived in my own little world and what others thought never mattered. I look back at it now and I already had a lot of behaviours that could probably predict what I was going to be now. But back then it meant nothing. I wish I could go back to certain moments with all the knowledge I have about my life now, and change certain details, just little things that were actually turning points in my life.
It's sad when you can look back on things and see where they went wrong. If only we weren't too young and innocent to notice at the time, or for someone else to notice.
Maybe it will all work out for the best. Maybe we'll end up in some certain situations that we would never end up if it weren't for going through what we're going through. That's how I like to think of it. Like, if I weren't eating disordered I wouldn't be here at uni now. And if I weren't here at uni I wouldn't have gone to Spain this summer. And if I hadn't gone to Spain this summer I wouldn't be planning to go back there again. And then who knows what will come from going back there.
But yes, I hope we end up in good places, not in spite of all of this, but because of all this. If we learn from it, then we're doing something right.
Yes, those are lovely photos! Thanks for the link x
I never thought about this before, but this week I was thinking about my grandad (god I love that man) and I think I would dissapoint him if he knew I had an eating disorder. I don't think he would be sad, or feel sorry for me, I think he'd be dissapointed. He loves me with all of his heart, he's the nicest person I know, but I think he's beyond understanding this. To him the solution would be to eat. And it scares me that I may ever reach a point where he knows. I couldn't bare to let him down like that.
2. A memory:
I remember one of my favourite holidays ever. I was about 9 I think and I went to Jersey (an island between England and France)with my family. There was a tree overlooking the sea outside my window/door. I would sit on my bed and just watch it. Soak it in so I would never forget how beautiful it was. And I remember one night me and my brother were outside, it was very dark and we walked down to the playground. It was only us there and we could hear the crickets in the grass and there were stars covering the sky. I just sat on the swing, swinging slowly back and forth. It was so peaceful. I was so happy then.
3. Some lyrics I like (Tiny Vessels by Death Cab For Cutie) -
"All I see are dark grey clouds
In the distance moving closer with every hour
So when you ask "was something wrong?"
That i think "you're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now.
No, we can't talk about it now."
So one last touch and then you'll go
And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more
But it was vile, and it was cheap
And you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me
Yeah you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me"
Okay I'm done!
I love love love that photo. Did you take it?
This is a lovely idea for a post. It's so random and cute.
Hope you're doing well x
Reply
yes, Im always thinking about what my family would think about stuff like that...i dont think theyll ever understand. and i dont know how i could explain either!!
i love childhood memories so much!
everything was so perfect then ... i lived in my own little world and what others thought never mattered.
I look back at it now and I already had a lot of behaviours that could probably predict what I was going to be now. But back then it meant nothing.
I wish I could go back to certain moments with all the knowledge I have about my life now, and change certain details, just little things that were actually turning points in my life.
no i didnt take this pic. I found it on flikr
http://www.flickr.com/photos/rinder/sets/72157594367552727/
I love this set!
Reply
Maybe it will all work out for the best. Maybe we'll end up in some certain situations that we would never end up if it weren't for going through what we're going through. That's how I like to think of it. Like, if I weren't eating disordered I wouldn't be here at uni now. And if I weren't here at uni I wouldn't have gone to Spain this summer. And if I hadn't gone to Spain this summer I wouldn't be planning to go back there again. And then who knows what will come from going back there.
But yes, I hope we end up in good places, not in spite of all of this, but because of all this. If we learn from it, then we're doing something right.
Yes, those are lovely photos! Thanks for the link x
Reply
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