(no subject)
yeah, I miss home too - more each day. meanwhile I spend so much time trying to repress and deny and just forget these feelings. it is so hard to even communicate with people from home because it hurts, it just really fucking hurts inside. especially when I think that this is all self-imposed and what I really wanted. enough so that I'm already like $30,000 in debt for it.
and I just keep asking myself why nowadays. why did I need to go to berklee? I originally wanted to be a studio musician, but I'm pretty sure that's not the path I'm going down. and I've finally accepted the possibility of being a high school music teacher, but I had to get away from HS for a while to get a perspective on what the job really is and not just see it from the eyes of a student. so yeah, maybe I really wanna be a music teacher after all.
I think now that I always saw berklee as the school steve vai went to. I know I've wanted to go here since eighth grade, and now that I'm going on 21 and am out here I know I'm a different person than I was when I was 15. So I am looking at my dissatisfaction through the years. I felt that I needed to go away for school when I was younger and a need to go back and be home now that I'm away. and I don't know where I'll be happy.
and part of me thinks that the state of happiness is a choice more that a sum of circumstances, so where does that leave me?
lots of questions actually...
maybe answers in time
and I just keep asking myself why nowadays. why did I need to go to berklee? I originally wanted to be a studio musician, but I'm pretty sure that's not the path I'm going down. and I've finally accepted the possibility of being a high school music teacher, but I had to get away from HS for a while to get a perspective on what the job really is and not just see it from the eyes of a student. so yeah, maybe I really wanna be a music teacher after all.
I think now that I always saw berklee as the school steve vai went to. I know I've wanted to go here since eighth grade, and now that I'm going on 21 and am out here I know I'm a different person than I was when I was 15. So I am looking at my dissatisfaction through the years. I felt that I needed to go away for school when I was younger and a need to go back and be home now that I'm away. and I don't know where I'll be happy.
and part of me thinks that the state of happiness is a choice more that a sum of circumstances, so where does that leave me?
lots of questions actually...
maybe answers in time