kinda surprised
As I was going through my trunk the other day, I saw my prom pictures of Chris and I and I was going to throw them away. But then I saw our first prom pictures when we were going out for only 3 months. It was such a pretty picture and it reminded me of the times when we WERE happy with each other, and it kind of made me a little sad. And then I realized that I couldn't throw them away, that i couldn't just throw his memory away, because regardless of the outcome in the end, that relationship did start with love and we were special to each other and I can't erase that. So when I am done with this year and have all my pics from Americorps I'm going to start it with a picture of he and I. Because that's really how my journey to WA started, with him.
I have yet to face my hurt and anger of this relationship for the fact that everytime we fought I would always feel guilty about being angry at him. But as I'm realizing, it is OKAY that I am still hurt and angry (not as much anymore, it's fading every day). And it is okay to have feelings over it. So I'm just going to slowly get through it and start facing it and let go of the resentment and pain and finally be at peace-which is becoming more and more as the days go by.
There's one thing that I need to say though, I was wrong to send him the letter at boot camp. But I wasn't wrong for writing that letter or giving it to him. And I didn't want to admit it to him while we were trying to box each other into admitting things-nasty convo btw.
Also, I am proud of him for trying to figure out what he REALLY wants and to stop making himself miserable with a career that he wouldn't enjoy. I want him to be happy in life.
Anyways, last night was fun, I went to the Library and started planning with the librarian for the summer reading program that I'm putting together. And then I got my laundry done..for FREE:-D and had a nice walk. Then i went over to Tara's house and she and i watched "When a Stranger Calls". I'd seen it before, and it was hilarious watching her freak out-mean while I'm covering my ears when there were scary parts. Ha.
Alrighty, getting ready for work..latas
I have yet to face my hurt and anger of this relationship for the fact that everytime we fought I would always feel guilty about being angry at him. But as I'm realizing, it is OKAY that I am still hurt and angry (not as much anymore, it's fading every day). And it is okay to have feelings over it. So I'm just going to slowly get through it and start facing it and let go of the resentment and pain and finally be at peace-which is becoming more and more as the days go by.
There's one thing that I need to say though, I was wrong to send him the letter at boot camp. But I wasn't wrong for writing that letter or giving it to him. And I didn't want to admit it to him while we were trying to box each other into admitting things-nasty convo btw.
Also, I am proud of him for trying to figure out what he REALLY wants and to stop making himself miserable with a career that he wouldn't enjoy. I want him to be happy in life.
Anyways, last night was fun, I went to the Library and started planning with the librarian for the summer reading program that I'm putting together. And then I got my laundry done..for FREE:-D and had a nice walk. Then i went over to Tara's house and she and i watched "When a Stranger Calls". I'd seen it before, and it was hilarious watching her freak out-mean while I'm covering my ears when there were scary parts. Ha.
Alrighty, getting ready for work..latas