HAPPY K/S DAY!! fic
So i'm a little late but here is my contribution for K/S day number one.
Title: "Five times Jim life sucks and one time it didn’t"
Rating : PG-13
Warnings: First person. For hints of child’s abandon, child abuse, and bulling; some mild swearing, male crush, and some angsty angst?
Author: ariadnechan
Character: James T. Kirk. (Reboot), with hints of Winona, George, Sam Kirk, Frank, Gary Mitchel, Ruth, Spock Prime and Spock.
Pairing: K/S One sided and preslash hinted.
Summary: Life it is difficult, so far more for James T. Kirk, for him life really sucks big time. Character study.
Beta: anon_j_anon thanks to you for all your help I hope you are alright now you really are worrying me now, but I hope you know that I love you.
Word Count: 1250.
Disclaimer: Characters and setting belong to Gene Roddenberry and Paramount. This is sad but truth, but playing with them without profit makes me very cheerful ;D.
1. - Birthdays
His b-day always sucked big time. Jim couldn’t remember one where he was actually happy.
Even when his mother was at home, and did the party thing with presents, little guests and everything, every mother was hugging her saying “I’m sorry”. She never looked at him in the eye or gave him a real smile.
After he turned nine and she remarried she didn’t try to throw him a party anymore and went out world for some exploration, trying to forget the man who had his eyes and died so he could be born.
Frank never gave a shit about his birthday, and Jim really preferred the day to pass without words, without lies and without attention.
2. - His father
Being the son of a hero sucks big time. Everybody knows that your father died and the first thing they say to you is “I’m sorry”. You wonder if they are sorry to meet you instead of the big hero, or for the loss he never felt because he’s never met the big guy.
At school the boys bullied him because he had no dad, saying he must be pussy or stupid. They shoved it in his face, talking about how awesome it was, growing up with your Dad.
Jim decided to start punching them in 5th grade. He’s still punching them, in every bar.
They say he is bratty and a delinquent not like his father. And he prefers it that way. Because he is not his father.
3. - His Brother
The only person in the world who never talked about how awesome his dad was and wasn’t ,is his brother. He seemed to really see Jim and accept him for who he is.
He loved his brother with all his heart; he wanted to be like him when he grew up, even if Sam was only four years older than him.
Sam always encouraged Jim to study more. He lent Jim books from the library when he was little and let Jim study his pads when he was bored.
One day Jim saw in Sam’s eyes the same look of everyone else, like they don’t really look at him but someone else and regret that he is not that person. He tried hard not to think about it.
Finally the day came. He was twelve and his brother ran away from home and left him alone with Frank. When he left, he was not looking at him but at someone else, so Jim decided to run too-in the car to the cliff. Life sucked anyway.
4. -Everybody.
Life sucked, so he decided not to deal with it. At first he wanted to run away as far as he could and keep everybody far away. In some point he knew he would never be happy, so jumping off a cliff sounded good enough.
As he went near the cliff the time stopped. Frank would kill him for sure, his mother wouldn’t come back even if he was injured and she sure wouldn’t come back if he died.
Fear. He actually felt fear, but not from the death-for something aching in his heart, like an open wound… there was really nothing good for him at all, was there no one?
He decided that maybe there was something and he knew that if he died right then, nobody would ever say anything about him. Except “I’m sorry”.
So he jump off in the last minute and when asked he said with pride “I’m James Tiberius Kirk”. Because from now on he won’t live for no one else’s expectation.
5. - Life itself
He was 25 and life was better, he even could say awesome. It was true he didn’t win the “Kobayashi Maru”, but his new solution seems to work out-except it didn’t, because life sucked.
They really wanted to throw him out? And who was the hot Vulcan guy anyway-God?
He tried to remind the Vulcan that he wasn’t his father; he wasn’t six years old again. And then everything screwed itself up.
Everyone he knew died, an entire planet with a rich civilization obliterated. And he was on an icy planet with no less than two or three monsters who wanted him for dinner. But the worst part was him. The universe itself was fucked up before his eyes.
The old Vulcan said he knew Jim, but he really didn’t. Like always this old Vulcan was looking at someone else, but this time it was not his father but another James Kirk. And he wasn’t prepared to fight against himself. He was in real pain. Jim had never felt this kind of despair, even after Tarsus. The guy was crushed not only because of his planet but because of him.
This man who said he was Spock felt so much about James Kirk. But Jim was not his Jim Kirk, so all that love and longing was for another man, a man who was a hero and the love of the older Vulcan’s life. Jim knew right away that this kind of love was something he never had and never would. And Jim was jealous as hell, because he wanted all of that. He was looking for this all his life… all his life, and he would never have it. Life sucked so much that the wound that opened when Jim was twelve grew bigger than himself, and Jim knew that life would never have any meaning again.
+ 1. - One time life doesn't suck at all.
Jim knew he shouldn’t wait for anything good to happen to him, because life sucked, right?
But after all the earth was saved, he was captain. He was happy-don’t you think otherwise-he was really stunned and all, but then why did his heart ache so much than before. He couldn’t shake the feeling of how the old guy’s phantom warmth felt.
Spock, his young Spock would not come back. Why did Jim still let himself hope, when his life could never be that good? He didn’t choose a first officer even though he knew that Spock would go to New Vulcan, or whatever the new colony would be called.
And even if he came back, he would probably return to Uhura. He couldn’t really forget how they kissed and how much it hurt, but even if he had no chance to have what he tasted in that icy cave, he wanted it!
Jim felt like he was really going insane. He had his own ship, a flagship, and he wasn’t even 27.
But the wound was there, growing stronger. When he thought all was lost and he could live an awesome life even without anyone at his side, he felt a presence and his face glowed. He thought he might die of happiness. Spock was there and looking at him.
Uhura was grinning, but Spock didn’t look at her at all, he was looking at him, only at him. And while everyone took their seats he felt the gaze of the Vulcan, and smiled at him like never before, while they warped to the stars.
He said to himself, “You know, maybe life doesn’t suck at all, maybe we just have to give it more chances.”
Jim felt the wound was filling with anticipation, a good one. Jim smiled again to the Vulcan, and the Vulcan returned with an almost playful smile in his eyes.
The End.
HAPPY K/S DAY!!
Title: "Five times Jim life sucks and one time it didn’t"
Rating : PG-13
Warnings: First person. For hints of child’s abandon, child abuse, and bulling; some mild swearing, male crush, and some angsty angst?
Author: ariadnechan
Character: James T. Kirk. (Reboot), with hints of Winona, George, Sam Kirk, Frank, Gary Mitchel, Ruth, Spock Prime and Spock.
Pairing: K/S One sided and preslash hinted.
Summary: Life it is difficult, so far more for James T. Kirk, for him life really sucks big time. Character study.
Beta: anon_j_anon thanks to you for all your help I hope you are alright now you really are worrying me now, but I hope you know that I love you.
Word Count: 1250.
Disclaimer: Characters and setting belong to Gene Roddenberry and Paramount. This is sad but truth, but playing with them without profit makes me very cheerful ;D.
1. - Birthdays
His b-day always sucked big time. Jim couldn’t remember one where he was actually happy.
Even when his mother was at home, and did the party thing with presents, little guests and everything, every mother was hugging her saying “I’m sorry”. She never looked at him in the eye or gave him a real smile.
After he turned nine and she remarried she didn’t try to throw him a party anymore and went out world for some exploration, trying to forget the man who had his eyes and died so he could be born.
Frank never gave a shit about his birthday, and Jim really preferred the day to pass without words, without lies and without attention.
2. - His father
Being the son of a hero sucks big time. Everybody knows that your father died and the first thing they say to you is “I’m sorry”. You wonder if they are sorry to meet you instead of the big hero, or for the loss he never felt because he’s never met the big guy.
At school the boys bullied him because he had no dad, saying he must be pussy or stupid. They shoved it in his face, talking about how awesome it was, growing up with your Dad.
Jim decided to start punching them in 5th grade. He’s still punching them, in every bar.
They say he is bratty and a delinquent not like his father. And he prefers it that way. Because he is not his father.
3. - His Brother
The only person in the world who never talked about how awesome his dad was and wasn’t ,is his brother. He seemed to really see Jim and accept him for who he is.
He loved his brother with all his heart; he wanted to be like him when he grew up, even if Sam was only four years older than him.
Sam always encouraged Jim to study more. He lent Jim books from the library when he was little and let Jim study his pads when he was bored.
One day Jim saw in Sam’s eyes the same look of everyone else, like they don’t really look at him but someone else and regret that he is not that person. He tried hard not to think about it.
Finally the day came. He was twelve and his brother ran away from home and left him alone with Frank. When he left, he was not looking at him but at someone else, so Jim decided to run too-in the car to the cliff. Life sucked anyway.
4. -Everybody.
Life sucked, so he decided not to deal with it. At first he wanted to run away as far as he could and keep everybody far away. In some point he knew he would never be happy, so jumping off a cliff sounded good enough.
As he went near the cliff the time stopped. Frank would kill him for sure, his mother wouldn’t come back even if he was injured and she sure wouldn’t come back if he died.
Fear. He actually felt fear, but not from the death-for something aching in his heart, like an open wound… there was really nothing good for him at all, was there no one?
He decided that maybe there was something and he knew that if he died right then, nobody would ever say anything about him. Except “I’m sorry”.
So he jump off in the last minute and when asked he said with pride “I’m James Tiberius Kirk”. Because from now on he won’t live for no one else’s expectation.
5. - Life itself
He was 25 and life was better, he even could say awesome. It was true he didn’t win the “Kobayashi Maru”, but his new solution seems to work out-except it didn’t, because life sucked.
They really wanted to throw him out? And who was the hot Vulcan guy anyway-God?
He tried to remind the Vulcan that he wasn’t his father; he wasn’t six years old again. And then everything screwed itself up.
Everyone he knew died, an entire planet with a rich civilization obliterated. And he was on an icy planet with no less than two or three monsters who wanted him for dinner. But the worst part was him. The universe itself was fucked up before his eyes.
The old Vulcan said he knew Jim, but he really didn’t. Like always this old Vulcan was looking at someone else, but this time it was not his father but another James Kirk. And he wasn’t prepared to fight against himself. He was in real pain. Jim had never felt this kind of despair, even after Tarsus. The guy was crushed not only because of his planet but because of him.
This man who said he was Spock felt so much about James Kirk. But Jim was not his Jim Kirk, so all that love and longing was for another man, a man who was a hero and the love of the older Vulcan’s life. Jim knew right away that this kind of love was something he never had and never would. And Jim was jealous as hell, because he wanted all of that. He was looking for this all his life… all his life, and he would never have it. Life sucked so much that the wound that opened when Jim was twelve grew bigger than himself, and Jim knew that life would never have any meaning again.
+ 1. - One time life doesn't suck at all.
Jim knew he shouldn’t wait for anything good to happen to him, because life sucked, right?
But after all the earth was saved, he was captain. He was happy-don’t you think otherwise-he was really stunned and all, but then why did his heart ache so much than before. He couldn’t shake the feeling of how the old guy’s phantom warmth felt.
Spock, his young Spock would not come back. Why did Jim still let himself hope, when his life could never be that good? He didn’t choose a first officer even though he knew that Spock would go to New Vulcan, or whatever the new colony would be called.
And even if he came back, he would probably return to Uhura. He couldn’t really forget how they kissed and how much it hurt, but even if he had no chance to have what he tasted in that icy cave, he wanted it!
Jim felt like he was really going insane. He had his own ship, a flagship, and he wasn’t even 27.
But the wound was there, growing stronger. When he thought all was lost and he could live an awesome life even without anyone at his side, he felt a presence and his face glowed. He thought he might die of happiness. Spock was there and looking at him.
Uhura was grinning, but Spock didn’t look at her at all, he was looking at him, only at him. And while everyone took their seats he felt the gaze of the Vulcan, and smiled at him like never before, while they warped to the stars.
He said to himself, “You know, maybe life doesn’t suck at all, maybe we just have to give it more chances.”
Jim felt the wound was filling with anticipation, a good one. Jim smiled again to the Vulcan, and the Vulcan returned with an almost playful smile in his eyes.
The End.
HAPPY K/S DAY!!