Mar 20, 2011 21:54
ariadne: listening to soapdish mix. am. hopeless.
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these days, i am jolting from one crazy big thing to the next. many of these things are good, wonderful, amazing things. i spent a week at the library reading a whole bunch of modern pop culture books and expanding my vision. i wrote stories about len and kaho and spent a weekend under my sheets. i have finally bought a book that i have long adored and pretty much want to write a long song about.
truly, my life is like a fresh pan of brownies.
with a little bit of dog poop in it.
"eh, it's just a tiny bit of dog poop," you say.
um. i'm sorry. but even a little bit of dog poop in the brownies has a way of tainting the whole batch.
there is a lot of insanity going on behind the scenes in my personal life these days, and it's starting to creep into every corner of my world.
yesterday, i had a complete emotional meltdown. it was borderline obnoxious: there, in front of God and everyone, tears dripping from my chin, struggling with the feeling that i’m not good enough, that i’m not doing enough, that i’m not in control.
“but angel, you’re not in control,” you say.
I knooowwwwwwww. AND IT’S THE WORSTTTTTTT. *gnashing teeth*
but i’m learning that grace is defined by necessity; it doesn’t mean a thing unless we need it.
and oh my stars, do i ever need it.
i am so thankful for the people in my life who are extending grace to me right now. i know that i don’t deserve it.
but i suppose that’s the point.