(no subject)

[arhra_mor]

He was a simple man. He loved having fun, his own way. As a teenager he loved cars, girls and partying. He moved out at an early age to get away from his parents. Both he and his parents were stubborn and opinionated. He met a girl in school with whom he fell in love. They married and had two sons. This was a very hard time for him, the childrenput an end to his way of life, and he couldn't find a career he was interested in. As the children grew up, he became overwhelmed with the cards life threw at him. However, always the trooper, the man pressed on through the hard times, working hard to support his family. He went to school to learn how to deal with problematic children and did very well. After school he moved his family up to a beautiful town on the west coast of british columbia, where they seemed much happier. There his career took off, and he became the president of social services, and his wife the secretary/treasurer. The financial situation finally was working in his favor, while unfortunately the family situation ever worsened. Unable to handle the stress of a demanding job and his family life, he turned to alcohol as an escape. This only created problems especially with his younger son. Strong willed and angry at the world, his son was the first to confront the man about his problems. Even though they were so alike, they could not see eye to eye, and that led to many arguements and the alcohol sometimes lifted these to physical altercations. Eventually, word of this got out into the neighborhood and the people he worked with. Obviously it didn't sit well that the president of social services couldn't handle his own children. The family was stricken with a huge black mark, and even some criminal charges laid on the arisen. The family fled from their home, leaving not a trace. After this they moved many times, the man couldn't hold down a job and things weren't getting better at home. At a low point, his wife and kids left him while he was alseep on the couch, and moved away, not intending to tell him where. When he found out, he flipped out, packed what he could of his belongings and sold everything else for whatever he could. Talking to friends, and friends of friends, he eventually found out where his family had left to and tracked them down. Moving into an apartment a short distance away, he watched his family while he tried to get his life together. Miraculously he made a lot of progress. He stopped drinking and found a good job. After a few months his met his wife in a bar, and she took pity on him and let him come back home. Things went well.. for a while. His youngest son still didn't trust him, and wouldn't let him forget the things he had done wrong. His eldest moved away and turned to a life of drugs. He went back to the bottle, and shortly after was laid off from his job. He and his wife decided to move back home where their family was, hoping to find comfort. His eldest son, having spent all his money on drugs, and losing his place to live went with. His youngest refused and moved out to a friends house where he finished high school. Back at home, the man found no comfort, he still had trouble holding down a job. He couldn't give up the alcohol, especially now that he was back with some of his friends. A year later his youngest son moved home, thinking it would be much easier to start out in the real world having a few roots. Not being able to afford to feed the whole family again, he asked his sons to start paying rent. This didn't go over well... they got angry and moved out a few days later. His children didn't talk to him much after that. He and his wife moved away following her jobs. She ending up managing one of the biggest retail stores in canada, and he stayed unemployed for 5 years. He fell into a depression from which he could not escape. His wife stayed with him hoping he would come out of it, while at the same time condemning him for his lifestyle. Finally a miracle struck, he found a job he liked, not too far from home. It was a modest job, but it helped. Things started to look up, he finally started cheering up. He made ammends with his eldest son, but his youngest didn't want to talk with him. Then, out of the blue, he was laid off. The depression came back fast, and twice as hard. There was no escape this time. He fell deeper and deeper in a rut, becoming sick with alcohol abuse and lack of will. He starting phoning all his family, to talk to them, tell them he loved them and that he missed them... everyone except his youngest son who wanted nothing to do with him. On March 26th, 2004 his wife came home from work, to find him lying on the floor.. dead. The coroner said his body just shut down.

This man was my father, i am his youngest son.

I wish i could tell him now that i understand what he went through. I wish i could tell him i'm sorry for making his life so hard. I wish i could tell him that i forgave him... i forgave him while he was still alive, but never let him know. I wish i could have been with him at the end, to hold him and tell him i love him and make his last moments great ones.

I can do none of these things. He died thinking his son hated him. The last time we spoke, he tried to be nice, and i pushed him away. I don't even remember what we talked about it. Come to think about it i don't remember anything about him for the last 5 years, save what hard these past few weeks.

The moral of this story... don't be a fucking asshole because someone will die and you will feel like shit for the rest of your life.