A Little Update
Sorry for the lack of updates. My internet as been off for a while. Well, that, and, ya know, life gets in the way.
I have another motherfucking vaginal infection. Went to my doctor, and she thinks I have could have developed an allergy to latex. How, I don't know. But, whatever. I'll try anything at this fucking point.
She put me on steroids for about 2 weeks. That, combined with not using latex condoms, if she's correct, will end the infections. For those of you who don't know, I've been having reoccuring vaginal infections since April. Once I even had a yeast, bacterial and UTI infection down there all at once. It's been horrible, and FUCKED UP MY SEX LIFE!!!!!! Grrrr...
Anyway, problem is, they don't make non-latex condoms specifically for large people. Andrew and talked about it, and I mean....TALKED about it, seriously. And, we decided since we're both clear for STDs, and I'm on the pill....that no condoms is a fairly safe bet. We're also using spermicide to make extra sure.
But, just in case, we did also a talk about what would happen if I did get pregnant, and how this move is gonna effect our sex life. But, most what happens if I get pregnant. We covered what happens if we have a kid and at some point stop loving each other, how we would raise a child--religion, moral values, parenting roles, sex education. I mean, we went through A LOT. Which I'm glad we did. We both understand that by taking this risk, we're saying that they're ok with being parents if something happens. Not necessarily that we want to be at this point, but that if it happens, it's do-able and ok. I also have to come to terms with that no matter what happens with us in the future, that if I get pregnant we will be raising a child together. Maybe not living in the same place, be we will both be parents to our child. I'm not gonna lie, the whole conversation and situation scares me a little, well, more than a little. But, I can't just not have sex. And, the chance of me actually getting pregnant if I use everything properly is minimal. But, that still doesn't stop the fact that I'm scared of my ability to be a mother. I'm pretty sure I could, and if it happened right now I would be "ready" for it. I mean, it would be ok. Woo.....are you fucking reading this? It's gonna take a little getting used too. I'm not nearly was rambling and "OH MY FUCKING GOD!" as I was when I the doctor first said this. But, I'm still a little fluster. I just have to resign myself to the fact that on the off chance that something does happen with me and pregnancy, it was meant to happen. Easier said than done, I think though. I'm still not completely comfortable with the idea, as you can see. But, I can't just not have sex. Maybe if I was single, but I have someone....a good someone, in all ways. Chastity is not for me. Fuck that. So, pills and spermicide it is!! Still though, I'm slightly freaked out. Yeah. Freaked out.
HA HA HA!! Man, ok. I've been looking around the net for an ex for mine for about 2 or 3 months now. Despite him being an ex, I still like to know how people are doing in life, even if I can't fucking stand them. I still look at the MySpace profile of a chick who I promise to god if Hitler and she were in a building and I could only save one, I'd save Hitler. ANYWAY! I look at her profile every now and again. It's mostly to see how much more fucked up they turned out than me, which is exactly the noblest reason. And eh, ya know, I hold grudges and I'm not humble, and if one of these fuckers asked me how I was doing I'd gloat about how great my life is like a cock (the rooster kind).
I'm not even gonna lie.
ANYWAY! So, I found an old email address of his I'd forgotten about the other day. So, I put the bitch into Google, and lo and behold....a gaming forum post came up.
Now, this is what those of you who weren't on my old journal have to understand. My ex was an avid gamer, we broke up eventually because his addiction to gaming was so steadfast that it surpassed affection for me a thousand times over. After we broke up a got a new boyfriend I met at a club, he got a new girlfriend the same age as me...and skinner he met off the internet who lived in Canada. He found out I had broken up from the aforementioned because the fucker was a lying sack of shit, and the ex (who's name is Michael, since this is getting confusing) asked me out to lunch. Michael proceeds to tell me all about how his life is soooooo great. He met this great girl, and they're engaged, and all that bullshit. Basically, he bragged to me about his great life was when I had just broken up with a guy I truly loved not 2 days before. Yeah, so, that's why I think he's an asshole.
Anyway, so I come across a forum post, and I'm not disappointed. He's so, so, so much more fucked up than I am. Holy. Shit. Still, 2 years....almost 3 after our break-up. Nothing as changed, this mafucker is just....lost it.
He talks to the people on the forum like they're real, like the gaming is real.....like....I can't even explain it. Just, dramatic. He put more passion into one gaming forum post than he put into our entire 3 year relationship. Since I'm past the point of anger at this, since it's been 2 years since we ended.....I'm seriously cracking up.
I wanted to post it.....ya know, hell, I am gonna post it. Because it's too good. Plus, as I keep trying to tell people, I'm a bitch. It's not like it's hidden though, you just type his email into a search engine and this comes up. So, I don't feel bad. It might not amuse anyone but me, but fuck it.
http://fortis.guild.cc/Forums/tabid/53/forumid/17/postid/21634/view/topic/Default.aspx
His post is the OP by Neia.
Despite the fact that, damn....he's an idiot, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't have a girlfriend anymore who he seemed really happy about, I'm glad he's still alive anyway. I couldn't ever find him on anything, so I'm glad at least he's ok, physically at least. I don't know. I guess this really doesn't matter to other people who weren't in a relationship. But, ya know, if he put as much as passion into the people in his life as he did a little, insignificant game......I feel like he would have a much better life and be a much better person. I don't know, it saddens me on the one hand to see someone throw their life energy into something so stupid....but at the same time I'm like "HA HA!! GLAD I'M NOT WITH YOU, YOU FUCKER!! I'M SO NOT THAT FUCKED UP! HAVE FUN WITH THAT!!" *shrugs*
I have another motherfucking vaginal infection. Went to my doctor, and she thinks I have could have developed an allergy to latex. How, I don't know. But, whatever. I'll try anything at this fucking point.
She put me on steroids for about 2 weeks. That, combined with not using latex condoms, if she's correct, will end the infections. For those of you who don't know, I've been having reoccuring vaginal infections since April. Once I even had a yeast, bacterial and UTI infection down there all at once. It's been horrible, and FUCKED UP MY SEX LIFE!!!!!! Grrrr...
Anyway, problem is, they don't make non-latex condoms specifically for large people. Andrew and talked about it, and I mean....TALKED about it, seriously. And, we decided since we're both clear for STDs, and I'm on the pill....that no condoms is a fairly safe bet. We're also using spermicide to make extra sure.
But, just in case, we did also a talk about what would happen if I did get pregnant, and how this move is gonna effect our sex life. But, most what happens if I get pregnant. We covered what happens if we have a kid and at some point stop loving each other, how we would raise a child--religion, moral values, parenting roles, sex education. I mean, we went through A LOT. Which I'm glad we did. We both understand that by taking this risk, we're saying that they're ok with being parents if something happens. Not necessarily that we want to be at this point, but that if it happens, it's do-able and ok. I also have to come to terms with that no matter what happens with us in the future, that if I get pregnant we will be raising a child together. Maybe not living in the same place, be we will both be parents to our child. I'm not gonna lie, the whole conversation and situation scares me a little, well, more than a little. But, I can't just not have sex. And, the chance of me actually getting pregnant if I use everything properly is minimal. But, that still doesn't stop the fact that I'm scared of my ability to be a mother. I'm pretty sure I could, and if it happened right now I would be "ready" for it. I mean, it would be ok. Woo.....are you fucking reading this? It's gonna take a little getting used too. I'm not nearly was rambling and "OH MY FUCKING GOD!" as I was when I the doctor first said this. But, I'm still a little fluster. I just have to resign myself to the fact that on the off chance that something does happen with me and pregnancy, it was meant to happen. Easier said than done, I think though. I'm still not completely comfortable with the idea, as you can see. But, I can't just not have sex. Maybe if I was single, but I have someone....a good someone, in all ways. Chastity is not for me. Fuck that. So, pills and spermicide it is!! Still though, I'm slightly freaked out. Yeah. Freaked out.
HA HA HA!! Man, ok. I've been looking around the net for an ex for mine for about 2 or 3 months now. Despite him being an ex, I still like to know how people are doing in life, even if I can't fucking stand them. I still look at the MySpace profile of a chick who I promise to god if Hitler and she were in a building and I could only save one, I'd save Hitler. ANYWAY! I look at her profile every now and again. It's mostly to see how much more fucked up they turned out than me, which is exactly the noblest reason. And eh, ya know, I hold grudges and I'm not humble, and if one of these fuckers asked me how I was doing I'd gloat about how great my life is like a cock (the rooster kind).
I'm not even gonna lie.
ANYWAY! So, I found an old email address of his I'd forgotten about the other day. So, I put the bitch into Google, and lo and behold....a gaming forum post came up.
Now, this is what those of you who weren't on my old journal have to understand. My ex was an avid gamer, we broke up eventually because his addiction to gaming was so steadfast that it surpassed affection for me a thousand times over. After we broke up a got a new boyfriend I met at a club, he got a new girlfriend the same age as me...and skinner he met off the internet who lived in Canada. He found out I had broken up from the aforementioned because the fucker was a lying sack of shit, and the ex (who's name is Michael, since this is getting confusing) asked me out to lunch. Michael proceeds to tell me all about how his life is soooooo great. He met this great girl, and they're engaged, and all that bullshit. Basically, he bragged to me about his great life was when I had just broken up with a guy I truly loved not 2 days before. Yeah, so, that's why I think he's an asshole.
Anyway, so I come across a forum post, and I'm not disappointed. He's so, so, so much more fucked up than I am. Holy. Shit. Still, 2 years....almost 3 after our break-up. Nothing as changed, this mafucker is just....lost it.
He talks to the people on the forum like they're real, like the gaming is real.....like....I can't even explain it. Just, dramatic. He put more passion into one gaming forum post than he put into our entire 3 year relationship. Since I'm past the point of anger at this, since it's been 2 years since we ended.....I'm seriously cracking up.
I wanted to post it.....ya know, hell, I am gonna post it. Because it's too good. Plus, as I keep trying to tell people, I'm a bitch. It's not like it's hidden though, you just type his email into a search engine and this comes up. So, I don't feel bad. It might not amuse anyone but me, but fuck it.
http://fortis.guild.cc/Forums/tabid/53/forumid/17/postid/21634/view/topic/Default.aspx
His post is the OP by Neia.
Despite the fact that, damn....he's an idiot, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't have a girlfriend anymore who he seemed really happy about, I'm glad he's still alive anyway. I couldn't ever find him on anything, so I'm glad at least he's ok, physically at least. I don't know. I guess this really doesn't matter to other people who weren't in a relationship. But, ya know, if he put as much as passion into the people in his life as he did a little, insignificant game......I feel like he would have a much better life and be a much better person. I don't know, it saddens me on the one hand to see someone throw their life energy into something so stupid....but at the same time I'm like "HA HA!! GLAD I'M NOT WITH YOU, YOU FUCKER!! I'M SO NOT THAT FUCKED UP! HAVE FUN WITH THAT!!" *shrugs*