Bittersweet moments and the Band Saw
Today marks the beginning of an incredibly emotional week for me. I have a feeling I'm going to be holding back tears for most of the next two or three days. Most people would ask me why, citing that I have nothing to be sad about- because I'm getting my first home. I'm not sure if I'd define my current emotional state as sad, but rather a state of shock and awe. It's a lot to consider... I'm making the biggest purchase of my life thus far, and it's been a rough road getting here. I'm nervous about being able to afford everything... from the flooring to the roof... to the mortgage, to the electric bill every month... I am really scared that I won't be able to afford it on my own. The numbers are all there and they say I can... but in reality? Am I going to be living paycheck to paycheck? Will I even be able to afford to eat? In consideration of this, I know I'll need to find a roommate in August when my college loans become no more. That's stressing me out, too, because there are very few people I'd consider sharing my house with.
And speaking of money... where is my career going? I love my job as a music teacher. I really do. Some would disagree with the stress factor- I say it's not bad at all. I'm in my 5th year and have finally hit my groove. I'd say things are going pretty well. My principal is amazing, I have support of the faculty and PTA.. I have an AWESOME teaching partner. I couldn't ask for a better job. But then there's money. Do I want to pursue this Assistant Principal thing in the next couple of years? Certainly my salary would increase by at least $15k, and I'd be able to comfortably afford living expenses and even save some money... but do I want to give up the awesomeness of what I have in order to take on a job with an exhorbitant amount of stress but definitely financial security? It's a lot to think about, and I'm scared to death of the idea.
I'm going to be applying for a 2nd job at Busch Gardens... namely because it's halfway between work and home, and they're always flexible with scheduling. I loved working there in college, so I'm looking at it as an opportunity to meet new people, have some fun, and supplement my income on evenings and weekends. I just hope I get something in Operations that doesn't involve mindlessly pushing a button. Maybe they'll let me come back to Rhino Rally, or spiel on the back of the train or tram. Those were the only 2 jobs I really enjoyed when I was there during college. (and believe me, I did just about every Ops job in that park when Rhino was down for 2 months).... but I digress.
So Tuesday will be bittersweet as I sign my life away and pray I don't end up another foreclosure statistic in a few years. Mom and Dad are so proud that one of their little girls is finally going to be a homeowner all on her own... and Grandpa is bursting his shirt buttons at my success -as the only one of his 26 grandchildren who ended up following his footsteps as a clarinetist and musician, I know I hold a special place in his heart.
Oh, and I will finally have a place to put my Band Saw. Yes, a band saw. A 50 year old piece of machinery used to cut pieces of wood.
When I was little, every summer I would spend a week at my Great Uncle Mike's house. Uncle Mike was a retired Army Air Force airman (back when the two branches were one), and served in WWII. He was like a grandfather to me since my dad's father died before I was born. He and I would spend hours down in his basement, working in his woodshop making little cutouts of animals and things for me to paint, or talking about trains- working on his huge HO Scale train set... if you've ever seen the train set in Cracker Country at the Florida State Fair.... Uncle Mike's was just as amazing if not better. When he died suddenly a few years ago, amidst a lot of family drama and craziness I wasn't involved with due to being 1800 miles away, my mother called and asked me if there was anything from Uncle Mike's house that I would like to inherit. She put Aunt Lois's Ethan Allen dining room table aside for me... but the one thing I requested was a bit of a surprise to the family. I didn't want the trains, I didn't care about the countless books and other valuable items he had in his home. All I wanted was the Band Saw. That was the one thing that I knew would be a constant reminder of some of the best times I had with my uncle. It's been sitting at my parents shed for several years, and now I will finally have a garage to put Uncle Mike's band saw, and I can finally use it... to make stuff. Like Uncle Mike and I used to do when I was little. ... It might sound silly, but it means a lot to me....
Let's partner all of these feelings with a recent blow to my self esteem- thanks to, not surprisingly, a guy I feel kinda close to and at least have a bit of an admiration for. I'm not sure if this particular blow was intentional or if he just didn't realize how hurtful his words ended up coming out. I'm not going into what was said... but it's definitely not something ANY guy- no matter how good friends you are- should say to a girl. This does not help my emotional situation whatsoever. I'm really embarassed by what he said. All I want is for this person to come give me a hug, say he's sorry, and tell me it's ok... *sigh* but that's probably not going to happen. I seriously wish I could understand why things can seem so great one moment, and then the next I have such a serious blow dealt to me. It's something equivalent to being punched in the stomach and left to recover alone.
So forgive me if I end up a little short or emotional with anyone this week. It's definitely a huge transition and I will readily admit that I am a little bit of a mess right now.
And speaking of money... where is my career going? I love my job as a music teacher. I really do. Some would disagree with the stress factor- I say it's not bad at all. I'm in my 5th year and have finally hit my groove. I'd say things are going pretty well. My principal is amazing, I have support of the faculty and PTA.. I have an AWESOME teaching partner. I couldn't ask for a better job. But then there's money. Do I want to pursue this Assistant Principal thing in the next couple of years? Certainly my salary would increase by at least $15k, and I'd be able to comfortably afford living expenses and even save some money... but do I want to give up the awesomeness of what I have in order to take on a job with an exhorbitant amount of stress but definitely financial security? It's a lot to think about, and I'm scared to death of the idea.
I'm going to be applying for a 2nd job at Busch Gardens... namely because it's halfway between work and home, and they're always flexible with scheduling. I loved working there in college, so I'm looking at it as an opportunity to meet new people, have some fun, and supplement my income on evenings and weekends. I just hope I get something in Operations that doesn't involve mindlessly pushing a button. Maybe they'll let me come back to Rhino Rally, or spiel on the back of the train or tram. Those were the only 2 jobs I really enjoyed when I was there during college. (and believe me, I did just about every Ops job in that park when Rhino was down for 2 months).... but I digress.
So Tuesday will be bittersweet as I sign my life away and pray I don't end up another foreclosure statistic in a few years. Mom and Dad are so proud that one of their little girls is finally going to be a homeowner all on her own... and Grandpa is bursting his shirt buttons at my success -as the only one of his 26 grandchildren who ended up following his footsteps as a clarinetist and musician, I know I hold a special place in his heart.
Oh, and I will finally have a place to put my Band Saw. Yes, a band saw. A 50 year old piece of machinery used to cut pieces of wood.
When I was little, every summer I would spend a week at my Great Uncle Mike's house. Uncle Mike was a retired Army Air Force airman (back when the two branches were one), and served in WWII. He was like a grandfather to me since my dad's father died before I was born. He and I would spend hours down in his basement, working in his woodshop making little cutouts of animals and things for me to paint, or talking about trains- working on his huge HO Scale train set... if you've ever seen the train set in Cracker Country at the Florida State Fair.... Uncle Mike's was just as amazing if not better. When he died suddenly a few years ago, amidst a lot of family drama and craziness I wasn't involved with due to being 1800 miles away, my mother called and asked me if there was anything from Uncle Mike's house that I would like to inherit. She put Aunt Lois's Ethan Allen dining room table aside for me... but the one thing I requested was a bit of a surprise to the family. I didn't want the trains, I didn't care about the countless books and other valuable items he had in his home. All I wanted was the Band Saw. That was the one thing that I knew would be a constant reminder of some of the best times I had with my uncle. It's been sitting at my parents shed for several years, and now I will finally have a garage to put Uncle Mike's band saw, and I can finally use it... to make stuff. Like Uncle Mike and I used to do when I was little. ... It might sound silly, but it means a lot to me....
Let's partner all of these feelings with a recent blow to my self esteem- thanks to, not surprisingly, a guy I feel kinda close to and at least have a bit of an admiration for. I'm not sure if this particular blow was intentional or if he just didn't realize how hurtful his words ended up coming out. I'm not going into what was said... but it's definitely not something ANY guy- no matter how good friends you are- should say to a girl. This does not help my emotional situation whatsoever. I'm really embarassed by what he said. All I want is for this person to come give me a hug, say he's sorry, and tell me it's ok... *sigh* but that's probably not going to happen. I seriously wish I could understand why things can seem so great one moment, and then the next I have such a serious blow dealt to me. It's something equivalent to being punched in the stomach and left to recover alone.
So forgive me if I end up a little short or emotional with anyone this week. It's definitely a huge transition and I will readily admit that I am a little bit of a mess right now.