(no subject)
Ya know...My childhood sucked balls but it IS kinda interesting to look back on. I've been yelled at by SO MANY people in my life.
I should probably mention how all of this started. These are all things that
a) I did myself, and either got in trouble or commended.
b) I witnessed someone else do it.
c) Was spontaneously informed I was not allowed to do.
d) Was the result of a clarification of the above.
e) I was just minding my own business, when something happened. (“Silver...what is *that*?” said Lance, as he pointed to the back of my car? "Um....a rubber sheep...I can explain why that's there....")
To explain how I've stayed out of jail/alive/not beaten up too badly..... I'm funny, so they let me live.
1. Not allowed to watch Gold make a joke of himself when I'm supposed to be working.
2. Bodychecking Gym Leaders is not a good idea.
3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.
4. Not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.
5. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
6. I am not authorized to change national policy in Hoenn.
7. Not allowed to add “In accordance with the prophecy” to the end of answers I give to a question someone asks me.
8. Not allowed to add pictures of people I don't like to War Criminal posters.
9. NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it up in front of the League Headquarters sign as an "Easter Desecration."
10. I am not allowed to bum cigarettes off of anyone under twelve.
11. Not allowed to join the Magma Faction.
12. Not authorized to initiate Jihad.
13. The revolution is not now.
14. Not allowed out of my room when Lance visited Lake Rage.
15. Not allowed to train adopted stray Growlithe to “Sic Gold!”
16. Must get a haircut at some point even if it tampers with my “Samson like powers”.
17. Team Aqua, and Gray Aliens are not in my chain of command.
18. Neo Rocket Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new League trainers that they are.
19. May not call any Gym Leaders, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I'm right.
20. Must not taunt the Kantonese any more.
21. Must not serve a Rocket loyalist a meat product and claim it's their firstborn child.
22. Must not serve a Rocket loyalist their firstborn child and claim it's their firstborn child.
23. I cannot arrest children for being rude.
24. Must not tell any Dragon-trainer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it's true.
25. I am not allowed to create new levels of security clearance at Silph Co.
26. Nerve gas is not funny
27. Not allowed to operate a business out of the Whirl Islands.
28. Especially not a pornographic movie studio.
29. I do not get “that time of month”.
30. Not allowed to wake a Masked Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.
31. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.
32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.
33. Not allowed to chew gum at the Masked Children formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.
34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at the Masked Children formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.
35. Despite the confusing similarity in the names, the "Safety Dance" and the "Safety Briefing" are never to be combined.
36. Can't have flashbacks to wars I was not in.
37. There are no evil clowns living under my bed.
38. I am not the Emperor of anything.
39. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.
40. I do not have super-powers.
41. There is no “Anti-Mime” campaign in Kanto.
42. I am not authorized to prescribe any form of medication
43. Should not taunt members of the press, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working for Professor Oak.
44. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Silver.
45. Take that hat off.
46. Never, ever, attempt to correct the Mask of Ice about anything.
47. I am not a citizen of the Orange Isles.
48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.
49. The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light ® batteries.
50. The Microsoft ® “Dancing Paperclip” is not authorized to countermand Lance's orders.
51. May not wear gimp mask while on duty.
52. My name is not a killing word.
53. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with "I recently had an experience I just had to write you about...."
54. “Napalm sticks to kids” is *not* a motivational phrase.
55. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born.
56. The proper response to Lance's briefings is not “That's what you think”.
57. Must not taunt people in the throes of nicotine withdrawal, with cigarettes.
58. Must not valiantly push Lance onto hand grenades to save the Pokemon.
59. I am not in need of a more suitable host body.
60. Not allowed to get shot.
. . .I'm sure there was more.
I should probably mention how all of this started. These are all things that
a) I did myself, and either got in trouble or commended.
b) I witnessed someone else do it.
c) Was spontaneously informed I was not allowed to do.
d) Was the result of a clarification of the above.
e) I was just minding my own business, when something happened. (“Silver...what is *that*?” said Lance, as he pointed to the back of my car? "Um....a rubber sheep...I can explain why that's there....")
To explain how I've stayed out of jail/alive/not beaten up too badly..... I'm funny, so they let me live.
1. Not allowed to watch Gold make a joke of himself when I'm supposed to be working.
2. Bodychecking Gym Leaders is not a good idea.
3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.
4. Not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.
5. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
6. I am not authorized to change national policy in Hoenn.
7. Not allowed to add “In accordance with the prophecy” to the end of answers I give to a question someone asks me.
8. Not allowed to add pictures of people I don't like to War Criminal posters.
9. NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it up in front of the League Headquarters sign as an "Easter Desecration."
10. I am not allowed to bum cigarettes off of anyone under twelve.
11. Not allowed to join the Magma Faction.
12. Not authorized to initiate Jihad.
13. The revolution is not now.
14. Not allowed out of my room when Lance visited Lake Rage.
15. Not allowed to train adopted stray Growlithe to “Sic Gold!”
16. Must get a haircut at some point even if it tampers with my “Samson like powers”.
17. Team Aqua, and Gray Aliens are not in my chain of command.
18. Neo Rocket Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new League trainers that they are.
19. May not call any Gym Leaders, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I'm right.
20. Must not taunt the Kantonese any more.
21. Must not serve a Rocket loyalist a meat product and claim it's their firstborn child.
22. Must not serve a Rocket loyalist their firstborn child and claim it's their firstborn child.
23. I cannot arrest children for being rude.
24. Must not tell any Dragon-trainer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it's true.
25. I am not allowed to create new levels of security clearance at Silph Co.
26. Nerve gas is not funny
27. Not allowed to operate a business out of the Whirl Islands.
28. Especially not a pornographic movie studio.
29. I do not get “that time of month”.
30. Not allowed to wake a Masked Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.
31. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.
32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.
33. Not allowed to chew gum at the Masked Children formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.
34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at the Masked Children formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.
35. Despite the confusing similarity in the names, the "Safety Dance" and the "Safety Briefing" are never to be combined.
36. Can't have flashbacks to wars I was not in.
37. There are no evil clowns living under my bed.
38. I am not the Emperor of anything.
39. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.
40. I do not have super-powers.
41. There is no “Anti-Mime” campaign in Kanto.
42. I am not authorized to prescribe any form of medication
43. Should not taunt members of the press, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working for Professor Oak.
44. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Silver.
45. Take that hat off.
46. Never, ever, attempt to correct the Mask of Ice about anything.
47. I am not a citizen of the Orange Isles.
48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.
49. The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light ® batteries.
50. The Microsoft ® “Dancing Paperclip” is not authorized to countermand Lance's orders.
51. May not wear gimp mask while on duty.
52. My name is not a killing word.
53. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with "I recently had an experience I just had to write you about...."
54. “Napalm sticks to kids” is *not* a motivational phrase.
55. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born.
56. The proper response to Lance's briefings is not “That's what you think”.
57. Must not taunt people in the throes of nicotine withdrawal, with cigarettes.
58. Must not valiantly push Lance onto hand grenades to save the Pokemon.
59. I am not in need of a more suitable host body.
60. Not allowed to get shot.
. . .I'm sure there was more.