(no subject)
I hate to use this place as a place to vent all the bad stuff that happens to me in life, but... well, this is slightly less global than facebook.
To update, I'm still living in Corvallis. Have been for about 3 years. I've been (I was) dating this (awesome) girl named Julie whom I met in a pair of classes. I work at Pita Pit. This is my last year of school.
As mentioned, Julie and I broke up. More so, she broke up with me. Every summer, she goes to Point Reyes National Park (near San Fran) and works for the summer to help her afford things during school. Last summer she went, came back, and we were all lovey-dovey. This year, she goes, she comes back, and she's distant as shit. I ask her if anything happened, she says no, and a week after this one-sided relationship, where I'm doting and she's not, she says she wants a break. I tell her 3-4 months should have been enough of a break, and that she's probably breaking up with me.
So we break up. And she wanted to do it over texting (I wouldn't let her, for the most part). And about 6 days after our break, she says she met some dude in a coffee shop, and he asked her out. I don't know why she'd tell me this 6 days after our breakup, but I figure it's for perspective. So I tell her what she knows,
"You know you kinda want to go out with him. You know you kinda need to go out with him, just to see. You know that it might be too soon for you. You know you're scared. You know in the end you're going to suck it up and go out and see if you like it and whatnot. Then.... I don't know."
Then she sucked it up and went out. That same night, presumably before she went out, she asked me how I felt... so I told her... point blank:
"I miss the ever-loving shit out of you. My heart hurts so bad. You run through my head all day. I love you so much, but I have to give you space. And it hurts! I have to let you grow or whatever and hope (pray?) that evetually you'll come back to me. And that we'll be good. That's all I'm running on basically, is that hope. But we couldn't go back to the way things were when you came back this time. Cause that would hurt me too. I'm so scared I love you." I tell her I probably should have waited till after her date to send that, but I don't think it mattered.
I don't hear from her until 24 hours later. After I sent her a message saying, "you don't have to tell me how it went, but I'm curious why you didn't say anything to my last few texts yesterday?" She tells me, I didn't know how to respond to you yesterday. It would've went better if I didn't puke after 3 beers. I say, sorry to hear that, she tells me that he got to hold my hair while I puked and then I passed out. And that it was embarrassing.
So basically, I'm in a fucked up state of mind. I love her, and it really really really really hurts for me to see her not with me (it should've been me holding her hair!) But all I can do is sit back and wait. And hurt. And I fucking hurt! I can't eat (free weight loss!), I can't sleep, I can't do things I should be doing, i.e. homework, attending class. I may be clinically depressed. I don't tell Julie this as I don't think there's anything she could do to help. I can't work without being super-grumpy. Part of me wonders if sex would help, but that would require a willing participant anyway.
I'm fucking lost, and now I'm ranting. Woe is me.
Happy anniversary LJ.
Aaron
To update, I'm still living in Corvallis. Have been for about 3 years. I've been (I was) dating this (awesome) girl named Julie whom I met in a pair of classes. I work at Pita Pit. This is my last year of school.
As mentioned, Julie and I broke up. More so, she broke up with me. Every summer, she goes to Point Reyes National Park (near San Fran) and works for the summer to help her afford things during school. Last summer she went, came back, and we were all lovey-dovey. This year, she goes, she comes back, and she's distant as shit. I ask her if anything happened, she says no, and a week after this one-sided relationship, where I'm doting and she's not, she says she wants a break. I tell her 3-4 months should have been enough of a break, and that she's probably breaking up with me.
So we break up. And she wanted to do it over texting (I wouldn't let her, for the most part). And about 6 days after our break, she says she met some dude in a coffee shop, and he asked her out. I don't know why she'd tell me this 6 days after our breakup, but I figure it's for perspective. So I tell her what she knows,
"You know you kinda want to go out with him. You know you kinda need to go out with him, just to see. You know that it might be too soon for you. You know you're scared. You know in the end you're going to suck it up and go out and see if you like it and whatnot. Then.... I don't know."
Then she sucked it up and went out. That same night, presumably before she went out, she asked me how I felt... so I told her... point blank:
"I miss the ever-loving shit out of you. My heart hurts so bad. You run through my head all day. I love you so much, but I have to give you space. And it hurts! I have to let you grow or whatever and hope (pray?) that evetually you'll come back to me. And that we'll be good. That's all I'm running on basically, is that hope. But we couldn't go back to the way things were when you came back this time. Cause that would hurt me too. I'm so scared I love you." I tell her I probably should have waited till after her date to send that, but I don't think it mattered.
I don't hear from her until 24 hours later. After I sent her a message saying, "you don't have to tell me how it went, but I'm curious why you didn't say anything to my last few texts yesterday?" She tells me, I didn't know how to respond to you yesterday. It would've went better if I didn't puke after 3 beers. I say, sorry to hear that, she tells me that he got to hold my hair while I puked and then I passed out. And that it was embarrassing.
So basically, I'm in a fucked up state of mind. I love her, and it really really really really hurts for me to see her not with me (it should've been me holding her hair!) But all I can do is sit back and wait. And hurt. And I fucking hurt! I can't eat (free weight loss!), I can't sleep, I can't do things I should be doing, i.e. homework, attending class. I may be clinically depressed. I don't tell Julie this as I don't think there's anything she could do to help. I can't work without being super-grumpy. Part of me wonders if sex would help, but that would require a willing participant anyway.
I'm fucking lost, and now I'm ranting. Woe is me.
Happy anniversary LJ.
Aaron