Frustration. [hidden from magicians_wife, open to any one else]
I haven't kept a journal since I set out to lead Angier to Colorado, away from London and my life. My life on the stage, my life with Olivia. My life of secrets. It's nice to write again. To be able to confess my secrets and fears and woes to more than just myself. To lay the burden on someone else's shoulders rather than my own.
I have been at home with Sarah and the children all week and I am beginning to feel claustrophobic and depressed. Sarah is moody and depressed and coming off of alcohol dependency and I love the kids, honest to God adore them but as much as I like to I can't spend every waking moment with them.
Lately I have been avoiding Sarah in conversation. I bring her tea and kiss her head and ask if she is doing well and then I leave. She's received a letter from her sister Gabby, and apparently it was not what she wished it was. She is pushing for secrets.
She just keeps pushing.
I raised my voice with her, told her to shut up. I feel guilty now, but I can't stand it any longer. Why won't she stop pushing? I will come to her when I am ready, I have told her as much.
I am thinking of leaving, and taking custody of Graham and Jess. A trial separation, perhaps.
I have been at home with Sarah and the children all week and I am beginning to feel claustrophobic and depressed. Sarah is moody and depressed and coming off of alcohol dependency and I love the kids, honest to God adore them but as much as I like to I can't spend every waking moment with them.
Lately I have been avoiding Sarah in conversation. I bring her tea and kiss her head and ask if she is doing well and then I leave. She's received a letter from her sister Gabby, and apparently it was not what she wished it was. She is pushing for secrets.
She just keeps pushing.
I raised my voice with her, told her to shut up. I feel guilty now, but I can't stand it any longer. Why won't she stop pushing? I will come to her when I am ready, I have told her as much.
I am thinking of leaving, and taking custody of Graham and Jess. A trial separation, perhaps.