frustration/want
i am..... things are odd. strange. i am bewildered and angered and saddened. i will not apologize and expect none in return. it is unnecessary. i feel swollen and polluted. i have no more questions or any answers even if there were. i am cringing, cradling, crying. unamused. i want to write a poem while painting a picture of the night sky in a hole through the wall. i want the white vastness to swallow what i would love to see. i am changed and charged. i felt a wanting today like i haven't felt in awhile. i wanted to feel breathe on my neck, hands caressing my thighs. hair between my fingers, lighting pulling. i was so angry and frustrated. i wanted to feel nails and scratch back. feel weight and lightness. the things we are best known for. that can't be all. it can't sustain and continue. i feel collapsible. instead i purchased a cheese ball and crackers.