Office Antics, Episode 9, part I
baekyeol, kaisoo, hunhan || PG 13 || 9743w
Twelve guys and one software start up.
Episode 9: At Wit's End
| practice safe text |
-sent Saturday, 3:14pm-
Junmyeon: So I wandered into Ferrari dealership today and I’m seriously considering getting one.
Junmyeon: I’d be able to pay it off relatively quickly.
Junmyeon: And I am thinking red, like bright red.
Kris: Hm. I wouldn’t if I were you.
Junmyeon: Why not?
Kris: Like it wouldn’t jive with your style.
Junmyeon: Yeah, I was thinking that too.
Junmyeon: I was also checking out Porsches…
Kris: No, that’s not what I mean .
Kris: Though you’d actually be tall enough for one
Kris: But you’re not…how do I say this.
Kris: Cool enough?
Kris: I mean like, maybe a minivan would be more you-like.
Kris: Or a beat-up sedan.
Kris: That’s like definitely your style.
Junmyeon: ):
Kris: #trufactz
•
-sent Monday, 4:20pm-
Sehun: what do you call that thing that heats up bread
Sehun: it like makes bread tan
Sehun: like a bread tanner
Sehun: a tanster? no that doesn’t sound right
Sehun: Jongin r u there?
Sehun: this is of mild importance
Sehun: but pls hurry
-sent Monday, 4:32 pm-
Jongin: …a toaster?
Sehun: yes that, a million thanks to you my friend.
Jongin: what just happened
•
-sent Tuesday, 9:05am-
Chanyeol: Hey Baekhyun.
Chanyeol: There are only 21 letters in the alphabet.
Baekhyun: Huh? That’s random.
Baekhyun: And wait there’s definitely 26…
Chanyeol: Oh.
Chanyeol: Yeah.
Chanyeol: I forgot five
Chanyeol: u
Chanyeol: r
Chanyeol: a
Chanyeol: q
Chanyeol: t
Chanyeol: ;) ;) ;)
-sent Tuesday, 9:43am-
Baekhyun: Uh. Is this actually Chanyeol?
Chanyeol: yes
Chanyeol: of course its me
Chanyeol: Are you a tamale?
Chanyeol: pls respond.
Chanyeol: Baekhyun.
Baekhyun: uh.
Chaneyol: cuz I think you’re hot
-sent Tuesday, 9:56am-
Chanyeol: Are you a parking ticket?
Chanyeol: Baekhyun
Chanyeol: pls respond
Chanyeol: pls
-sent Tuesday, 10:03am-
Chanyeol: Because you’ve got fine written all over you.
-sent Tuesday, 11:32am-
Chanyeol: SHIT
Chanyeol: NONE OF THIS WAS FROM ME.
Chanyeol: I WAS IN A MEETING.
Chanyeol: SHIT JONGDAE IS A DOG.
Chanyeol: Baekhyun. I’m really sorry
Chanyeol: that was Jongdae the whole time.
-sent Tuesday, 11:40am-
Chanyeol: Baekhyun?
-sent Tuesday, 11:56am-
Chanyeol: please respond.
•
-sent Tuesday, 11:58am-
Chanyeol: you fucking dog
Jongdae: :P
•
-sent Tuesday, 4:20pm-
Sehun: lol this is u:
Sehun: so how's it going with kyungsoo?
-sent Tuesday, 9:35pm-
Jongin: stfu kthx
Jongin: and it's not like ur one to speak
•
-sent Wednesday, 5:24pm-
Kyungsoo: Hey Jongin, I’m at the office supply store right now.
Kyungsoo: Could you check to see if we have any black penis in the right-side cabinet?
Jongin: I am going to assume you meant pens.
Kyungsoo: Huh?
Kyungsoo: OH. YES, I meant pens! I’m really sorry about that.
Kyungsoo: That was a really bad typo TT
Kyungsoo: I’m really sorry. ;;
Kyungsoo: It really wasn’t me
Kyungsoo: Jongin
Kyungsoo: TT
Jongin: Don’t worry about it. Lol, I know what you meant.
Kyungsoo: Haha yay.
•
-sent Wednesday, 2:45pm-
Sehun: im going to be late
Luhan: when you think you’re going to be in
Sehun: uhh
Sehun: like 4:45 I tink
Sehun: think*
Luhan: oh uhhhh I need go over some stuff with you later so come in as soon as you can
Luhan: also are you busy right now
Sehun: I have like five minutes, im in a passing period
Sehun: why?
Luhan: k good. can you call my phone
Sehun. Uhh….yea sure. Lol why though.
Luhan: I lost it and I’ve been trying to find it for the past hour
Sehun: aren’t you…texting from it?
Luhan: huh.
Luhan: you’re right.
Luhan: haha shit this is embarrassing.
Sehun: LOL
Luhan: no one’s to know about this
Sehun: lol
Luhan: im serious
Sehun: :x
•
-sent Wednesday, 10:20pm-
Chanyeol: you know what’s really depressing?
Minseok: no. but I don’t wanna know
Chanyeol: apparently sea otters violently rape baby harbor seals until they die
Minseok: um what? I didn’t need to know that.
Chanyeol: river otters are chill though, they don’t get into the raping business
Chanyeol: but sea otters are fucking assholes though
Chanyeol: this makes me mad
Minseok: I think you need to go to sleep.
Chanyeol: Why? It’s only like 10.
Minseok: I worry for your health
Chanyeol: that’s kind of random
Chanyeol: but I had a doctor’s appointment recently, he said I was fine
Chanyeol: your concern is appreciated though
Minseok: your mental health. I worry for your mental health
•
-sent Saturday, 9:32 am-
Junmyeon: So I went to a Ferrari dealership today and
Kyungsoo: Hmm…it wouldn’t suit your style, hyung
Kyungsoo: Maybe something more classic
Kyungsoo: Like a minivan
Junmyeon: But I was thinking
Kyungsoo: Your image
Kyungsoo: You can’t
•
-sent Saturday, 1:15pm-
Kris: Hey Luhan do you think you have time to take on another project?
Luhan: NooOOOOOooooOoOOoOOooo
Kris: …that was pretty exaggerated.
Luhan: Oh, lol, sorry that was autocorrect. I wrote that once when Minseok told me we ran out of coffee, and my phone stuck with it.
Luhan: But no. I just offered to take over one of Yixing’s.
Kris: Oh, okay, that’s FUCKYOU.
Kris: Fuck. Where did that come from.
Luhan: Uhm.
Kris: Sorry, that was autocorrect as well. I meant to say “that’s fine.”
Luhan: …okay.
Kris: I think someone manually changed it.
Luhan: Uh huh.
Kris: I am being serious.
Luhan: sure
Kris: Srsly.
Luhan: Mhm.
Kris: Okay, I need to go do better things now.
Luhan: Sure. Cya.
Luhan: and GO FUCK YOURSELF KRIS.
Kris: …
Luhan: oh shit, sry, my autocorrect
Luhan: I think someone manually changed it
Luhan: I am being serious
Luhan: Srsly.
Kris: that wasn’t autocorrect. you fucking typed that in, you fucker.
Luhan: lol
Luhan: Okay, I have to go do better things now.
Kris: I’m sure.
Luhan: GO FUCK YOURSELF KRIS
Luhan: ah, look, shit happens twice
Kris: Go to hell and stay there.
Luhan: that’s not very nice.
Kris: Go to hell and stay there please.
•
-sent Friday, 5:12pm-
Luhan: ( ･ิ ω･ิ)
Minseok: ヽ(´∀｀)ノ
Junmyeon: (ง •̀_•́)ง
Minseok: (´･ω･`)
Luhan: ಥ_ಥ
Luhan: ( •_•)>⌐■-■
Junmyeon: (⌐■_■)
Luhan: ಠ‿ಠ
Yixing: hey guys, I hate to be a buzzkill but like have a dumb flip phone so I am get
Yixing: ting all of these texts individual files since I don’t have a group text function. and it’s clogging up my inbox so
Yixing: if you could take me off the group or something, that’d be great thanks. Since they don’t seem that import
Yixing: ant and my phone only holds 200 texts at a time
Junmyeon: oh, sorry Yixing.
-sent Friday, 5:34pm-
Luhan: ┏( ・◇・)┓oh in that case
-sent Friday, 5:35pm-
Luhan: (◡‿◡✿)
Luhan: (✿◠‿◠)
Luhan: (◕◡◕✿)
Luhan: (◔◡◔✿)
Luhan: (⊙◡⊙✿)
Minseok: I’m sorry on Luhan’s behalf
Luhan: (ಠ益ಠ)
Luhan: ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ
Luhan: (っ◕‿◕)っ
Luhan: ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)
Luhan: (~◔◡◔)~
-sent Friday, 5:41pm-
Yixing: if there was an award for the most annoying person, there’d be no competition
-sent Friday, 5:44pm-
Luhan: ~(◔◡◔~)
-sent Friday, 5:52pm-
Yixing: stahp.
-sent Friday, 5:59pm-
Luhan: (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ ♦♫♦*:..｡♦♫♦*ﾟ¨ﾟﾟ･*:..｡♦♫♦*ﾟ¨ﾟﾟ･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:
Luhan: ｡♦♫♦*ﾟ¨ﾟﾟ･*:..｡･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:
Luhan: ･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:
Luhan: ･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:
Luhan: ･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:
Luhan: ･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:
Luhan: ･*:..｡♦♫♦*:
YIxing: what part of stop do you not understand.
Luhan: ♦
Yixing: ┌∩┐(◕ヮ◕ )
•
-sent Saturday, 10:11pm-
Sehun: Hey Jongin
Jongin: yea
Sehun: I found something you should give Kyungsoo, like for his birthday or whatever
Sehun: It’s perfect
Sehun: Like for both him and you
Sehun: I think it describes ur relationship perfectly
Jongin: wait didn’t his birthday pass not too long ago?
Jongin: it's like before mine, so I'm pretty sure it did
Sehun: I guess, I mean I dunno
Sehun: not important
Jongin: im confused
Sehun: it’s okay
Jongin: what do you mean it’s okay
Jongin: I am not following anything you’re saying
Jongin: and that’s not a good thing
Sehun: shh
Sehun: just give this to him
Sehun:
Sehun: i told you, it's perfect
-sent Saturday, 10:23pm-
Jongin: fuck you
Jongin: and where are you finding these?
Sehun: trade secret
Sehun: but THIS COUPON LASTS FOREVER
•
-sent Sunday, 9:41pm-
Luhan: =^w^=
Luhan:
Baekhyun: don’t you even start.
•
-sent Monday, june 11-
Sehun: Hey let me in
-sent Tuesday, june 12-
Sehun: Hey let me in
-sent Wednesday, june 13-
Sehun: Hey let me in
-sent Thursday, june 14-
Sehun: Hey let me in
-sent Friday, june 15-
Sehun: Hey let me in
Tao: Could you remember your keys like once? Like just once would literally make my day.
Sehun: No guarantees. I can’t make promises I may not keep.
Sehun: Im still otusdie
Sehun: outside*
Sehun: let me in pls
Tao: fine, but let me finish this game first
Sehun: how long will it take you
Tao: I don’t know, I just started.
Sehun: r u srs
Tao: quite
-sent Monday, june 18-
Sehun: lol, I have my ID card today. Are you proud of me?
Tao: it’s like Christmas came early.
Sehun: lol
-sent Tuesday, june 19-
Sehun: Hey let me in
~○~
| random antics II: files from the receptionist phone logs |
“Hello you’ve reached EXO-MK Systems, Zitao speaking, how may I help you…? Okay… Kris is busy right now, but can I take a message…? Your name and number please…Okay thank you, Mr. Lee…Sooman was it? Thank you. I’ll have him get back to you as soon as I can.”
•
“Hello, you’ve reached EXO-MK Systems-oh hi Jongin…yeah, I’ll let them know you’re going to be late….there’s smoke coming out of the hood of your car?...holy shit…yeah that’s not a good thing…”
•
“Hello you’ve reached EXO-MK Systems this is Tao-…? ….Chanyeol, really? …You’re calling me to ask me to bring you a broom? …You couldn’t have just walked out of your office gotten the broom yourself? ...it’s not that hard, just open your door and get the fucking broom…are you shitting me, you can’t? Why? And what’s the loud whistling sound in the background? …Y-you what?...no. Oh my god Chanyeol, how? …I’m serious, no, I’m not going to tell Kris for you that you shattered your window, how the fuck did you manage that? …that’s exactly why you don’t swing your lanyard indoors, why would you even do-…no, I…I don’t really care…I’m going to hang up now-yes, really- because you’re tying up the line...”
•
“Hello, you’ve reached-…hello, Yixing…what?...did you just call me to ask to buy you a sandwich?...no, I’m not going to do that…I don’t care, I’m not a lunch lackey…why would you pay me to buy you a sandwich, that’s stupid...I buy sandwiches for Junmyeon because he asks me before I go to buy one for myself, it’s efficiency not favoritism, ask me tomorrow…no...and I know what’s in my job description, thank you very much…”
•
“Hello you’ve reached EXO-MK Systems, Zitao speaking…? Oh hello Mrs. Oh…oh I see, Sehun just left school…yes, yes, I’ll let you know when he gets here, like I do, every. Single. Day.”
•
“Hello-…you did what Jongdae?…why the fuck are you telling me this?...I’m sorry, it sounds like it hurts, but I’m eating lunch, I really don’t want to hear about this right now…I have no idea how to get your balls unstuck from your jeans zipper, just pull it down I don’t fucking know…I’m fairly curious why you thought to call me first, I’m not sure what that speaks of my image or whether I’m entirely okay with that…how does that even fucking happen? No wait, don’t answer that…well sorry about that, but I’m going to hang up now because Kyungsoo looks like he’s judging me…that’s just his face? I’m going to tell him you said that…good luck brute-forcing it…I don’t know, ice it or something before, just try not to get blood on the floor...I’m not being insensitive, it’s a biohazard, and I’m the fucking guy that has to clean that shit up this week…okay im self-serving, maybe, but not insensitive…no, not over the sink either, that’s gross….I don’t know, do it over the trashcan or something, or the toilet, that’s where you are anyway…don’t worry about anyone coming in, you’re in too deep already…and stop crying, I know you’re in pain but that’s really not going to help you…”
•
“Hello you’ve reached EXO-MK Systems, Zitao speaking, how may I help you…? Uh…I think you have the wrong number… No, no, unfortunately we don’t sell pizza…I really wish we did. But I, too, enjoy pepperoni. Good choice madam.”
•
“Hello-? ….No, Yixing I’m serious, I’m not going to buy you a fucking sandwich.”
•
“Hello, you’ve reached EXO-MK System, Zitao speaking, how may I help you…? ….Hello? ….Hello…? …hello…Luhan get off the phone…I know it’s you Lu Han…I can tell it’s you, because I can see you breathing into the receiver from here.”
•
“Hello you’ve reached EXO-MK Systems…for the seventh time, Junmyeon, you have the wrong number. The in-office phone number for the mailroom is 4056, not 4065…yes, I’m sure 4065 is my line, that is how I’m talking to you right now…you sound so surprised…it’s fine, I know you’re a little challenged so I put up with it…”
•
“Hello you’ve reached-oh…yeah…there’s a filing cabinet braced against the front of your door Baekhyun, that might be why it’s difficult to get out of your office…no idea, but if I had to guess, probably Luhan did it…yeah I think I’m right, I can see him snickering from here…okay I’ll give you a hand, just give me a sec…oh the whistling noise? Chanyeol can tell you about that…”
•
“Hello you’ve reached EXO-MK Systems, Zitao speaking…? You’d like to speak to quality assurance…? Please hold for a second… Hello, this is Zitao from Quality Assurance…yes, I am the same person, long story…”
•
“Hello you’ve reached EXO-MK Systems, Zitao speaking how may I help you?...Kris...seriously?...bù yáo.”
•
“Hello this-? No, Yixing, you can’t have part of my sandwich either. …Holy shit, go buy your own goddamn sandwich, sheesh, it’s not that hard.”
•
“Hello you’ve…? …do you see that rod? …take it…and twist it to the left…yes, Minseok, that is how you close the blinds…why do you sound so astonished?...remind me how you got hired again?”
•
“Hello…? Oh hi Kyungsoo…okay…mhmm…so just to confirm, you want me to me to connect you via phonecall to a developer from the Effects division of SMENT Inc.?...and how do you spell that?...oh f(x), I get it, that’s cute, what is this for again…oh yeah, the collab project for the GS drive…okay, I’ll get on that. And thanks by the way for being like the first sane person to call me today…yeah, haha im actually serious, okay I’m going to put you on hold now…Hello, this is Zitao from EXO-MK Systems, may I speak to Sunyoung Park?...”
•
“Hello, Zitao speaking-…? Uh…sir….sir…excuse me sir…I think you have the wrong num…no, this is not a sex line… Sir…sir I can assure you of that. Also, you might want to work on your technique. No one in their right mind, paid or not, is going to get off to that.”
•
“He-? I'm hanging up, Yixing.”
•
“Hello-You forgot your key again Sehun? You’re a dumbass, I’m going to tell Luhan this time…no I really will… make it five lunches and I’ll stay silent…take it or leave it…also your mother is nothing short of a lunatic…in the future don’t call this line, it’s the work number, only for important calls…no this is not even slightly important…you sound like Luhan right now…no that’s not a good thing…dude, my cell’s dead, I can’t see your texts…I don’t know how you’re supposed to know that…but okay, I’ll open the door for you in ten minutes, I need to call you mother first, unless you want to do that for me.”
~○~
|| part 2 ||
Twelve guys and one software start up.
Episode 9: At Wit's End
| practice safe text |
-sent Saturday, 3:14pm-
Junmyeon: So I wandered into Ferrari dealership today and I’m seriously considering getting one.
Junmyeon: I’d be able to pay it off relatively quickly.
Junmyeon: And I am thinking red, like bright red.
Kris: Hm. I wouldn’t if I were you.
Junmyeon: Why not?
Kris: Like it wouldn’t jive with your style.
Junmyeon: Yeah, I was thinking that too.
Junmyeon: I was also checking out Porsches…
Kris: No, that’s not what I mean .
Kris: Though you’d actually be tall enough for one
Kris: But you’re not…how do I say this.
Kris: Cool enough?
Kris: I mean like, maybe a minivan would be more you-like.
Kris: Or a beat-up sedan.
Kris: That’s like definitely your style.
Junmyeon: ):
Kris: #trufactz
•
-sent Monday, 4:20pm-
Sehun: what do you call that thing that heats up bread
Sehun: it like makes bread tan
Sehun: like a bread tanner
Sehun: a tanster? no that doesn’t sound right
Sehun: Jongin r u there?
Sehun: this is of mild importance
Sehun: but pls hurry
-sent Monday, 4:32 pm-
Jongin: …a toaster?
Sehun: yes that, a million thanks to you my friend.
Jongin: what just happened
•
-sent Tuesday, 9:05am-
Chanyeol: Hey Baekhyun.
Chanyeol: There are only 21 letters in the alphabet.
Baekhyun: Huh? That’s random.
Baekhyun: And wait there’s definitely 26…
Chanyeol: Oh.
Chanyeol: Yeah.
Chanyeol: I forgot five
Chanyeol: u
Chanyeol: r
Chanyeol: a
Chanyeol: q
Chanyeol: t
Chanyeol: ;) ;) ;)
-sent Tuesday, 9:43am-
Baekhyun: Uh. Is this actually Chanyeol?
Chanyeol: yes
Chanyeol: of course its me
Chanyeol: Are you a tamale?
Chanyeol: pls respond.
Chanyeol: Baekhyun.
Baekhyun: uh.
Chaneyol: cuz I think you’re hot
-sent Tuesday, 9:56am-
Chanyeol: Are you a parking ticket?
Chanyeol: Baekhyun
Chanyeol: pls respond
Chanyeol: pls
-sent Tuesday, 10:03am-
Chanyeol: Because you’ve got fine written all over you.
-sent Tuesday, 11:32am-
Chanyeol: SHIT
Chanyeol: NONE OF THIS WAS FROM ME.
Chanyeol: I WAS IN A MEETING.
Chanyeol: SHIT JONGDAE IS A DOG.
Chanyeol: Baekhyun. I’m really sorry
Chanyeol: that was Jongdae the whole time.
-sent Tuesday, 11:40am-
Chanyeol: Baekhyun?
-sent Tuesday, 11:56am-
Chanyeol: please respond.
•
-sent Tuesday, 11:58am-
Chanyeol: you fucking dog
Jongdae: :P
•
-sent Tuesday, 4:20pm-
Sehun: lol this is u:
Sehun: so how's it going with kyungsoo?
-sent Tuesday, 9:35pm-
Jongin: stfu kthx
Jongin: and it's not like ur one to speak
•
-sent Wednesday, 5:24pm-
Kyungsoo: Hey Jongin, I’m at the office supply store right now.
Kyungsoo: Could you check to see if we have any black penis in the right-side cabinet?
Jongin: I am going to assume you meant pens.
Kyungsoo: Huh?
Kyungsoo: OH. YES, I meant pens! I’m really sorry about that.
Kyungsoo: That was a really bad typo TT
Kyungsoo: I’m really sorry. ;;
Kyungsoo: It really wasn’t me
Kyungsoo: Jongin
Kyungsoo: TT
Jongin: Don’t worry about it. Lol, I know what you meant.
Kyungsoo: Haha yay.
•
-sent Wednesday, 2:45pm-
Sehun: im going to be late
Luhan: when you think you’re going to be in
Sehun: uhh
Sehun: like 4:45 I tink
Sehun: think*
Luhan: oh uhhhh I need go over some stuff with you later so come in as soon as you can
Luhan: also are you busy right now
Sehun: I have like five minutes, im in a passing period
Sehun: why?
Luhan: k good. can you call my phone
Sehun. Uhh….yea sure. Lol why though.
Luhan: I lost it and I’ve been trying to find it for the past hour
Sehun: aren’t you…texting from it?
Luhan: huh.
Luhan: you’re right.
Luhan: haha shit this is embarrassing.
Sehun: LOL
Luhan: no one’s to know about this
Sehun: lol
Luhan: im serious
Sehun: :x
•
-sent Wednesday, 10:20pm-
Chanyeol: you know what’s really depressing?
Minseok: no. but I don’t wanna know
Chanyeol: apparently sea otters violently rape baby harbor seals until they die
Minseok: um what? I didn’t need to know that.
Chanyeol: river otters are chill though, they don’t get into the raping business
Chanyeol: but sea otters are fucking assholes though
Chanyeol: this makes me mad
Minseok: I think you need to go to sleep.
Chanyeol: Why? It’s only like 10.
Minseok: I worry for your health
Chanyeol: that’s kind of random
Chanyeol: but I had a doctor’s appointment recently, he said I was fine
Chanyeol: your concern is appreciated though
Minseok: your mental health. I worry for your mental health
•
-sent Saturday, 9:32 am-
Junmyeon: So I went to a Ferrari dealership today and
Kyungsoo: Hmm…it wouldn’t suit your style, hyung
Kyungsoo: Maybe something more classic
Kyungsoo: Like a minivan
Junmyeon: But I was thinking
Kyungsoo: Your image
Kyungsoo: You can’t
•
-sent Saturday, 1:15pm-
Kris: Hey Luhan do you think you have time to take on another project?
Luhan: NooOOOOOooooOoOOoOOooo
Kris: …that was pretty exaggerated.
Luhan: Oh, lol, sorry that was autocorrect. I wrote that once when Minseok told me we ran out of coffee, and my phone stuck with it.
Luhan: But no. I just offered to take over one of Yixing’s.
Kris: Oh, okay, that’s FUCKYOU.
Kris: Fuck. Where did that come from.
Luhan: Uhm.
Kris: Sorry, that was autocorrect as well. I meant to say “that’s fine.”
Luhan: …okay.
Kris: I think someone manually changed it.
Luhan: Uh huh.
Kris: I am being serious.
Luhan: sure
Kris: Srsly.
Luhan: Mhm.
Kris: Okay, I need to go do better things now.
Luhan: Sure. Cya.
Luhan: and GO FUCK YOURSELF KRIS.
Kris: …
Luhan: oh shit, sry, my autocorrect
Luhan: I think someone manually changed it
Luhan: I am being serious
Luhan: Srsly.
Kris: that wasn’t autocorrect. you fucking typed that in, you fucker.
Luhan: lol
Luhan: Okay, I have to go do better things now.
Kris: I’m sure.
Luhan: GO FUCK YOURSELF KRIS
Luhan: ah, look, shit happens twice
Kris: Go to hell and stay there.
Luhan: that’s not very nice.
Kris: Go to hell and stay there please.
•
-sent Friday, 5:12pm-
Luhan: ( ･ิ ω･ิ)
Minseok: ヽ(´∀｀)ノ
Junmyeon: (ง •̀_•́)ง
Minseok: (´･ω･`)
Luhan: ಥ_ಥ
Luhan: ( •_•)>⌐■-■
Junmyeon: (⌐■_■)
Luhan: ಠ‿ಠ
Yixing: hey guys, I hate to be a buzzkill but like have a dumb flip phone so I am get
Yixing: ting all of these texts individual files since I don’t have a group text function. and it’s clogging up my inbox so
Yixing: if you could take me off the group or something, that’d be great thanks. Since they don’t seem that import
Yixing: ant and my phone only holds 200 texts at a time
Junmyeon: oh, sorry Yixing.
-sent Friday, 5:34pm-
Luhan: ┏( ・◇・)┓oh in that case
-sent Friday, 5:35pm-
Luhan: (◡‿◡✿)
Luhan: (✿◠‿◠)
Luhan: (◕◡◕✿)
Luhan: (◔◡◔✿)
Luhan: (⊙◡⊙✿)
Minseok: I’m sorry on Luhan’s behalf
Luhan: (ಠ益ಠ)
Luhan: ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ
Luhan: (っ◕‿◕)っ
Luhan: ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)
Luhan: (~◔◡◔)~
-sent Friday, 5:41pm-
Yixing: if there was an award for the most annoying person, there’d be no competition
-sent Friday, 5:44pm-
Luhan: ~(◔◡◔~)
-sent Friday, 5:52pm-
Yixing: stahp.
-sent Friday, 5:59pm-
Luhan: (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ ♦♫♦*:..｡♦♫♦*ﾟ¨ﾟﾟ･*:..｡♦♫♦*ﾟ¨ﾟﾟ･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:
Luhan: ｡♦♫♦*ﾟ¨ﾟﾟ･*:..｡･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:
Luhan: ･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:
Luhan: ･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:
Luhan: ･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:
Luhan: ･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:･*:..｡♦♫♦*:
Luhan: ･*:..｡♦♫♦*:
YIxing: what part of stop do you not understand.
Luhan: ♦
Yixing: ┌∩┐(◕ヮ◕ )
•
-sent Saturday, 10:11pm-
Sehun: Hey Jongin
Jongin: yea
Sehun: I found something you should give Kyungsoo, like for his birthday or whatever
Sehun: It’s perfect
Sehun: Like for both him and you
Sehun: I think it describes ur relationship perfectly
Jongin: wait didn’t his birthday pass not too long ago?
Jongin: it's like before mine, so I'm pretty sure it did
Sehun: I guess, I mean I dunno
Sehun: not important
Jongin: im confused
Sehun: it’s okay
Jongin: what do you mean it’s okay
Jongin: I am not following anything you’re saying
Jongin: and that’s not a good thing
Sehun: shh
Sehun: just give this to him
Sehun:
Sehun: i told you, it's perfect
-sent Saturday, 10:23pm-
Jongin: fuck you
Jongin: and where are you finding these?
Sehun: trade secret
Sehun: but THIS COUPON LASTS FOREVER
•
-sent Sunday, 9:41pm-
Luhan: =^w^=
Luhan:
Baekhyun: don’t you even start.
•
-sent Monday, june 11-
Sehun: Hey let me in
-sent Tuesday, june 12-
Sehun: Hey let me in
-sent Wednesday, june 13-
Sehun: Hey let me in
-sent Thursday, june 14-
Sehun: Hey let me in
-sent Friday, june 15-
Sehun: Hey let me in
Tao: Could you remember your keys like once? Like just once would literally make my day.
Sehun: No guarantees. I can’t make promises I may not keep.
Sehun: Im still otusdie
Sehun: outside*
Sehun: let me in pls
Tao: fine, but let me finish this game first
Sehun: how long will it take you
Tao: I don’t know, I just started.
Sehun: r u srs
Tao: quite
-sent Monday, june 18-
Sehun: lol, I have my ID card today. Are you proud of me?
Tao: it’s like Christmas came early.
Sehun: lol
-sent Tuesday, june 19-
Sehun: Hey let me in
~○~
| random antics II: files from the receptionist phone logs |
“Hello you’ve reached EXO-MK Systems, Zitao speaking, how may I help you…? Okay… Kris is busy right now, but can I take a message…? Your name and number please…Okay thank you, Mr. Lee…Sooman was it? Thank you. I’ll have him get back to you as soon as I can.”
•
“Hello, you’ve reached EXO-MK Systems-oh hi Jongin…yeah, I’ll let them know you’re going to be late….there’s smoke coming out of the hood of your car?...holy shit…yeah that’s not a good thing…”
•
“Hello you’ve reached EXO-MK Systems this is Tao-…? ….Chanyeol, really? …You’re calling me to ask me to bring you a broom? …You couldn’t have just walked out of your office gotten the broom yourself? ...it’s not that hard, just open your door and get the fucking broom…are you shitting me, you can’t? Why? And what’s the loud whistling sound in the background? …Y-you what?...no. Oh my god Chanyeol, how? …I’m serious, no, I’m not going to tell Kris for you that you shattered your window, how the fuck did you manage that? …that’s exactly why you don’t swing your lanyard indoors, why would you even do-…no, I…I don’t really care…I’m going to hang up now-yes, really- because you’re tying up the line...”
•
“Hello, you’ve reached-…hello, Yixing…what?...did you just call me to ask to buy you a sandwich?...no, I’m not going to do that…I don’t care, I’m not a lunch lackey…why would you pay me to buy you a sandwich, that’s stupid...I buy sandwiches for Junmyeon because he asks me before I go to buy one for myself, it’s efficiency not favoritism, ask me tomorrow…no...and I know what’s in my job description, thank you very much…”
•
“Hello you’ve reached EXO-MK Systems, Zitao speaking…? Oh hello Mrs. Oh…oh I see, Sehun just left school…yes, yes, I’ll let you know when he gets here, like I do, every. Single. Day.”
•
“Hello-…you did what Jongdae?…why the fuck are you telling me this?...I’m sorry, it sounds like it hurts, but I’m eating lunch, I really don’t want to hear about this right now…I have no idea how to get your balls unstuck from your jeans zipper, just pull it down I don’t fucking know…I’m fairly curious why you thought to call me first, I’m not sure what that speaks of my image or whether I’m entirely okay with that…how does that even fucking happen? No wait, don’t answer that…well sorry about that, but I’m going to hang up now because Kyungsoo looks like he’s judging me…that’s just his face? I’m going to tell him you said that…good luck brute-forcing it…I don’t know, ice it or something before, just try not to get blood on the floor...I’m not being insensitive, it’s a biohazard, and I’m the fucking guy that has to clean that shit up this week…okay im self-serving, maybe, but not insensitive…no, not over the sink either, that’s gross….I don’t know, do it over the trashcan or something, or the toilet, that’s where you are anyway…don’t worry about anyone coming in, you’re in too deep already…and stop crying, I know you’re in pain but that’s really not going to help you…”
•
“Hello you’ve reached EXO-MK Systems, Zitao speaking, how may I help you…? Uh…I think you have the wrong number… No, no, unfortunately we don’t sell pizza…I really wish we did. But I, too, enjoy pepperoni. Good choice madam.”
•
“Hello-? ….No, Yixing I’m serious, I’m not going to buy you a fucking sandwich.”
•
“Hello, you’ve reached EXO-MK System, Zitao speaking, how may I help you…? ….Hello? ….Hello…? …hello…Luhan get off the phone…I know it’s you Lu Han…I can tell it’s you, because I can see you breathing into the receiver from here.”
•
“Hello you’ve reached EXO-MK Systems…for the seventh time, Junmyeon, you have the wrong number. The in-office phone number for the mailroom is 4056, not 4065…yes, I’m sure 4065 is my line, that is how I’m talking to you right now…you sound so surprised…it’s fine, I know you’re a little challenged so I put up with it…”
•
“Hello you’ve reached-oh…yeah…there’s a filing cabinet braced against the front of your door Baekhyun, that might be why it’s difficult to get out of your office…no idea, but if I had to guess, probably Luhan did it…yeah I think I’m right, I can see him snickering from here…okay I’ll give you a hand, just give me a sec…oh the whistling noise? Chanyeol can tell you about that…”
•
“Hello you’ve reached EXO-MK Systems, Zitao speaking…? You’d like to speak to quality assurance…? Please hold for a second… Hello, this is Zitao from Quality Assurance…yes, I am the same person, long story…”
•
“Hello you’ve reached EXO-MK Systems, Zitao speaking how may I help you?...Kris...seriously?...bù yáo.”
•
“Hello this-? No, Yixing, you can’t have part of my sandwich either. …Holy shit, go buy your own goddamn sandwich, sheesh, it’s not that hard.”
•
“Hello you’ve…? …do you see that rod? …take it…and twist it to the left…yes, Minseok, that is how you close the blinds…why do you sound so astonished?...remind me how you got hired again?”
•
“Hello…? Oh hi Kyungsoo…okay…mhmm…so just to confirm, you want me to me to connect you via phonecall to a developer from the Effects division of SMENT Inc.?...and how do you spell that?...oh f(x), I get it, that’s cute, what is this for again…oh yeah, the collab project for the GS drive…okay, I’ll get on that. And thanks by the way for being like the first sane person to call me today…yeah, haha im actually serious, okay I’m going to put you on hold now…Hello, this is Zitao from EXO-MK Systems, may I speak to Sunyoung Park?...”
•
“Hello, Zitao speaking-…? Uh…sir….sir…excuse me sir…I think you have the wrong num…no, this is not a sex line… Sir…sir I can assure you of that. Also, you might want to work on your technique. No one in their right mind, paid or not, is going to get off to that.”
•
“He-? I'm hanging up, Yixing.”
•
“Hello-You forgot your key again Sehun? You’re a dumbass, I’m going to tell Luhan this time…no I really will… make it five lunches and I’ll stay silent…take it or leave it…also your mother is nothing short of a lunatic…in the future don’t call this line, it’s the work number, only for important calls…no this is not even slightly important…you sound like Luhan right now…no that’s not a good thing…dude, my cell’s dead, I can’t see your texts…I don’t know how you’re supposed to know that…but okay, I’ll open the door for you in ten minutes, I need to call you mother first, unless you want to do that for me.”
~○~
|| part 2 ||