i hate nerves

[areu_listening]

I'm so nervous about next year.
Isn't this how freshman year was supposed to feel??
I'm not worried about making friends
or meeting people
or being on my own.
I'm afraid of losing a group of friends
that for the first time in my life felt like
well.. what a group of friends should feel like.

I never had that before;
Maybe that was a highschool experience I missed out on.

Don't get me wrong- I had incredible friends who I loved and still
love... My friends were just so diverse. I can't even imagine sitting around for something like a birthday dinner....I think the only thing
they would have in common would be me.

But college gave me that group of friends
that I thought everyone had.

I'm just such
an
odd girl with a crazy sense of humor
and it was nice to have that group of people for a year who
understood these traits and embraced them.
It was nice
to fit in somewhere for a moment.

For the first time in my life
I'm afraid of change

I hate losing relationships
because
what else is there.
It kills me to think of losing people-
Especially ones that I found a real connection with.

It's a bitter-sweet thang
I guess

I'm not ashamed of decisions I made freshman year
because I'm learning.
But if these lessons
mean I have to
lose people that
make me truly happy
well
....

uhh,
that sucks.

but i guess no matter what, this will always make me feel better