(no subject)
i'm having a rough night. things have been building up and even though nothing is seriously wrong i find myself crying. it can be very lonely here. all i can think about are all the times that i would hang out late with my friends shootin' the shit. i know everything will work out- it's the how part that makes me worried. i'm not psycho or anything. just having what i call a "moment". and i wish there was someone who could deal with the unkempt deanna. just let her come out. sometimes when yo're mad you have to be mad, and sometimes when you're sad you have to be sad, and sometimes when you're depressed you have to be depressed.... and a lot of times i get tired of holding it together for people i love who need me to hold things together. i guess that's y there's livejournal.
30 must be the new twenty like they say b/c sometimes i could swear i'm still 15 and completely confused. i know i should be enjoying myself in my youth but it's no joke that it's difficult. i'm too old to be supported by outside help (this is a weird topic) and too young to be established. or have i already failed myself in some way? it's so damn frustrating i could scream if i weren't so well trained.
people say i need a plan, a path, a budget, a party, a vacation, but all i have is this - and i'm not totally sure what that is, but i know i don't have any sort of "escape". so i'll cry and tomorrow will be better in some magic way, even though it'll look almost exactly the same....
30 must be the new twenty like they say b/c sometimes i could swear i'm still 15 and completely confused. i know i should be enjoying myself in my youth but it's no joke that it's difficult. i'm too old to be supported by outside help (this is a weird topic) and too young to be established. or have i already failed myself in some way? it's so damn frustrating i could scream if i weren't so well trained.
people say i need a plan, a path, a budget, a party, a vacation, but all i have is this - and i'm not totally sure what that is, but i know i don't have any sort of "escape". so i'll cry and tomorrow will be better in some magic way, even though it'll look almost exactly the same....