(no subject)
Hi everyone.
I'm still here. I'm still alive. Some of you have been reminded, I still know how to party, puke, and rebound like a champ.
I can almost taste the freedom at the end of this semster. In fact, I already have a radio internship-type-thing lined up for december and a standing offer to intern at a recording studio. This feels like the right choice so here's hoping it works out.
A Shout out to my cousin: Leah, congratulations! I miss you and can't wait to see the "whale of a woman" baby belly ;)
She sent me a copy of the first ultrasound. I've never really been able to see those things clearly, but it doesn't stop me from getting all excited about the little white squiggle thing inside the black bowl shape. :)
It snowed today. Enough already.
I'm going home (rome) this weekend to have the car looked at. lights, funny noise, etc..... i need my car! *sniff*
As some bits of time have been opening up in the schedule, I've been realizing how many things I enjoy and haven't been able to do. Small things like reading a good book or being a little crafty, writing in my book or on livejournal! Visiting with friends, chilling at a coffeehouse, listening to great music!
Missing these things is not good. These things are essential deanna elements. I need to do more than just remember that when making future schedules!!
I realized today that there are brilliant people doing brilliant things and I am heading in that direction by being in the grad. program here. Since I'm not staying, that feels a little odd. Then I realized, I already know I can be brilliant on paper. I'd rather be brilliant interacting and creating. The schoalrs I'm referring to are definitley doing those things, and they need the doctorates and phd's, etc. so that other people will take their work seriously. But a degree is simply a means to an end, a life spent doing something you treasure.
I talk about this because no matter how hard I've worked, and continue to work, I rarely thought of myself in terms outside of school. I'm speaking of career, of a time when I am not taking weekly tests, turning in papers, stressing over intangible grades. I'm at a different point now, so it's taking some convincing. I KNOW that there are amazing people doing incredible things in the world, some with and some without academic titles. Yet it is as though I feel I need to continually prove [to myself? the world?] that I should rank among them in some way. "Don't overlook me." "Watch out because I AM smarter than you think I am, quicker than you believe me to be, stronger than you imagined"..... this is in there somewhere. I'm glad for it because it keeps me working hard and really producing. But sometimes it's not good. The force of it is too much. It's OK to just want to work your shift and then go home. Doing something other than work does not mean you're slacking or being lazy.
Judgements that I don't often hold up to other people because I believe they should live however they want, however it makes them happiest (barring breaking laws and hurting people). Yet, I don't allow myself that same opportunity. Even wknowing I will always be my own toughest critic, I still find the irony kind of strange.
Ah well, just food for thought.
miss a bunch of various people in lots of big ways!
I'm still here. I'm still alive. Some of you have been reminded, I still know how to party, puke, and rebound like a champ.
I can almost taste the freedom at the end of this semster. In fact, I already have a radio internship-type-thing lined up for december and a standing offer to intern at a recording studio. This feels like the right choice so here's hoping it works out.
A Shout out to my cousin: Leah, congratulations! I miss you and can't wait to see the "whale of a woman" baby belly ;)
She sent me a copy of the first ultrasound. I've never really been able to see those things clearly, but it doesn't stop me from getting all excited about the little white squiggle thing inside the black bowl shape. :)
It snowed today. Enough already.
I'm going home (rome) this weekend to have the car looked at. lights, funny noise, etc..... i need my car! *sniff*
As some bits of time have been opening up in the schedule, I've been realizing how many things I enjoy and haven't been able to do. Small things like reading a good book or being a little crafty, writing in my book or on livejournal! Visiting with friends, chilling at a coffeehouse, listening to great music!
Missing these things is not good. These things are essential deanna elements. I need to do more than just remember that when making future schedules!!
I realized today that there are brilliant people doing brilliant things and I am heading in that direction by being in the grad. program here. Since I'm not staying, that feels a little odd. Then I realized, I already know I can be brilliant on paper. I'd rather be brilliant interacting and creating. The schoalrs I'm referring to are definitley doing those things, and they need the doctorates and phd's, etc. so that other people will take their work seriously. But a degree is simply a means to an end, a life spent doing something you treasure.
I talk about this because no matter how hard I've worked, and continue to work, I rarely thought of myself in terms outside of school. I'm speaking of career, of a time when I am not taking weekly tests, turning in papers, stressing over intangible grades. I'm at a different point now, so it's taking some convincing. I KNOW that there are amazing people doing incredible things in the world, some with and some without academic titles. Yet it is as though I feel I need to continually prove [to myself? the world?] that I should rank among them in some way. "Don't overlook me." "Watch out because I AM smarter than you think I am, quicker than you believe me to be, stronger than you imagined"..... this is in there somewhere. I'm glad for it because it keeps me working hard and really producing. But sometimes it's not good. The force of it is too much. It's OK to just want to work your shift and then go home. Doing something other than work does not mean you're slacking or being lazy.
Judgements that I don't often hold up to other people because I believe they should live however they want, however it makes them happiest (barring breaking laws and hurting people). Yet, I don't allow myself that same opportunity. Even wknowing I will always be my own toughest critic, I still find the irony kind of strange.
Ah well, just food for thought.
miss a bunch of various people in lots of big ways!