Adventures of Anti-porn Girl: Episode the Second, part II
Here is part I of this entry.
Getting Wise to Increasing Violence
Pamela Paul retold the breast implant story when she visited us at the Princeton Conference a few weeks ago, as well as some even more disturbing stories that were stomach-churning in how violent and bizarre they were. The strangest of these were the twisted fetishes that "normal" men developed as a result of their pornography viewing. My stomach was reeling for hours after these stories were related. Most of these involved the humiliation and torture of women too graphic to relate here (though they were related in detail at the conference). To get a less-graphic version of her ideas across, I'll have to generalize. In a compilation of recent studies released earlier this month, a study of widely-distributed X-rated films showed that
Physical aggression was present in 73 percent of the films, and rape scenes were present in 51 percent, with the woman as the victim every time. The films depicted gender-role inequalities as well, typically portraying the men as professionals and the women as school girls, secretaries, or housewives.
This, of course, ties into the ageless debate of whether media we imbibe has any real effect. Over a dozen studies conducted in the past 15 years all stated conclusively that such exposure
leads to a significant increase in “rape myth acceptance,” which involves a reduction of sympathy with rape victims and a trivialization of rape as a criminal offense, a diminished concern about child sexual abuse, short of the rape of children, and an increased preparedness to resort to rape.
This is no mere fetish. This is rewiring the brain (and the other brain) to become aroused by videos and images of women being subjected to severe violence and torture. This is not normal.
And yet, a 2005 study showed that even more tame forms of pornography, like the pornographic pictures put up in a frat house in Kenyon College, Ohio, still churn out negative mindsets. The study
"found that fraternity members, who displayed many more pornographic pictures of women in their rooms than those from the non-fraternity group, had more positive attitudes toward rape."
And still, women are called "prudish," "controlling," and "unrealistic" when they voice their disapproval of pornography. The pornography industry has labored to produce a hip, liberal, sex-positive image. But in reality, it undercuts female sexuality.
The "Enlightened" Woman
One thing that seems like it would boggle the feminist mind is how inevitable porn is construed to be, particularly for men. The rationale behind this is as weak as it is cruel. Sex columnist Dan Savage had embarrassingly little to add to the debate. One woman wrote to him complaining of her boyfriend's porn habits. Her pain and self-doubt were sincere and distressing. Savage was both ruthless and shallow in his pro-porn evangelism:
All men look at porn … The handful of men who claim they don’t look at porn are liars or castrates. Tearful discussions about your insecurities or your feminist principles will not stop a man from looking at porn. That’s why the best advice for straight women is this: GET OVER IT. If you don’t want to be with someone who looks at porn … get a woman, get a dog, or get a blind guy … While men shouldn’t rub their female partners’ noses in the fact that they look at porn-that’s just inconsiderate-telling women that the porn “problem” can be resolved through good communication, couples counseling, or a chat with your pastor is neither helpful nor realistic.
I feel like I'm stuck in a Tammy Wynette song. Since when did it become impossible to stem human urges, or at least postpone them until they can be fulfilled in a healthy way? I'll just use this rationale the next time I want to steal someone's lunch from the grad lab mini-fridge. "I can't help it," I'll tell them, mid-chew, "I can't control what I want." They'd likely object - if they were smart they'd say that my hunger pangs don't entitle me to encroach on their lunch experience.
So I'd say, can't the same be said of sexual libido? Isn't pornography "robbing" partners of sexual fulfillment from their mates?
A 1989 study discovered that, (even in the less-violent pornography published in the 1980s) subjects who viewed pornography reported less satisfaction with their intimate partners in their "affection, physical appearance, sexual curiosity, and sexual performance." The result is, they end up spending their energy with pornographic sites, only to neglect the real relationships they do have. One woman, in a 2003 study, said that her husband's pornography use puzzled her because, she says, "he never comes to me for sex to start out with!" It's hard to know which came first: unsatisfying sex or her husband's pornography use, but pornography is far from a healing balm to their sexual woes.
Sex Without Ties
The woman from the above study attempted to rationalize her husband's fixation, saying, "It’s like he’s afraid of rejection so he goes with something that is a 'sure' thing." That 'sure' thing is precisely the opposite of what healthy sexuality entails: a contextualized expression of sexual feeling. Those who conducted the aforementioned 1989 study discovered that their subjects also "assigned increased importance to sex without emotional involvement." Pornography is essentially sex without context, without story, without emotional commitment. Masturbation has no interpersonal hurdles blocking sexual gratification. You don't have to solve problems to get off.
Columnist Ross Douthat records how Philip Weiss, an avid pornophile, spun his pornography usage this way:
"Porn captures these women [its performers] before they get smart,” he said in a hot whisper as we sat in Schiller’s Liquor Bar on the Lower East Side. Porn exploited the sexual desires, and naïveté, of women in their early twenties, he went on … He spoke of acts he observed online that his wife wouldn’t do. “It’s painful to say, but that’s your boys’ night out, and it takes an enlightened woman to say that."
"Enlightened" is hardly the word I'd use to describe women "before they get smart." Pornography, strip clubs, and prostitution essentially make satisfying sexuality more difficult for women who look for commitment with sex. If a man doesn't want to commit, he can simply find (a degree) of sexual fulfillment outside his relationship. The woman essentially has little to offer, because he can get what she gives sexually from another source. A comment posted in response to a review of Paul's Pornified described porn as the ideal male/female relationship:
Porn doesn't get old, ugly or fat. Porn will never make you meet its parents [...] Porn won't hog the sheets. Porn will let you look at other porn. It even has suggestions at the beginning of the video. Porn won't make you wear a condom. Porn is free.
Any woman who is interested in maintaining a relationship, marital or otherwise, should be invested in fighting the "sex-positive" stigma surrounding pornography. Pornography is not an inevitability - it's something men (and the ever-persuasive millions the industry makes) have foisted on women for far too long. This isn't harmless or even a comic, albeit embarrassing, dirty little habit. It is a philosophical deviation from healthy human sexuality and it needs stunting.
Getting Wise to Increasing Violence
Pamela Paul retold the breast implant story when she visited us at the Princeton Conference a few weeks ago, as well as some even more disturbing stories that were stomach-churning in how violent and bizarre they were. The strangest of these were the twisted fetishes that "normal" men developed as a result of their pornography viewing. My stomach was reeling for hours after these stories were related. Most of these involved the humiliation and torture of women too graphic to relate here (though they were related in detail at the conference). To get a less-graphic version of her ideas across, I'll have to generalize. In a compilation of recent studies released earlier this month, a study of widely-distributed X-rated films showed that
Physical aggression was present in 73 percent of the films, and rape scenes were present in 51 percent, with the woman as the victim every time. The films depicted gender-role inequalities as well, typically portraying the men as professionals and the women as school girls, secretaries, or housewives.
This, of course, ties into the ageless debate of whether media we imbibe has any real effect. Over a dozen studies conducted in the past 15 years all stated conclusively that such exposure
leads to a significant increase in “rape myth acceptance,” which involves a reduction of sympathy with rape victims and a trivialization of rape as a criminal offense, a diminished concern about child sexual abuse, short of the rape of children, and an increased preparedness to resort to rape.
This is no mere fetish. This is rewiring the brain (and the other brain) to become aroused by videos and images of women being subjected to severe violence and torture. This is not normal.
And yet, a 2005 study showed that even more tame forms of pornography, like the pornographic pictures put up in a frat house in Kenyon College, Ohio, still churn out negative mindsets. The study
"found that fraternity members, who displayed many more pornographic pictures of women in their rooms than those from the non-fraternity group, had more positive attitudes toward rape."
And still, women are called "prudish," "controlling," and "unrealistic" when they voice their disapproval of pornography. The pornography industry has labored to produce a hip, liberal, sex-positive image. But in reality, it undercuts female sexuality.
The "Enlightened" Woman
One thing that seems like it would boggle the feminist mind is how inevitable porn is construed to be, particularly for men. The rationale behind this is as weak as it is cruel. Sex columnist Dan Savage had embarrassingly little to add to the debate. One woman wrote to him complaining of her boyfriend's porn habits. Her pain and self-doubt were sincere and distressing. Savage was both ruthless and shallow in his pro-porn evangelism:
All men look at porn … The handful of men who claim they don’t look at porn are liars or castrates. Tearful discussions about your insecurities or your feminist principles will not stop a man from looking at porn. That’s why the best advice for straight women is this: GET OVER IT. If you don’t want to be with someone who looks at porn … get a woman, get a dog, or get a blind guy … While men shouldn’t rub their female partners’ noses in the fact that they look at porn-that’s just inconsiderate-telling women that the porn “problem” can be resolved through good communication, couples counseling, or a chat with your pastor is neither helpful nor realistic.
I feel like I'm stuck in a Tammy Wynette song. Since when did it become impossible to stem human urges, or at least postpone them until they can be fulfilled in a healthy way? I'll just use this rationale the next time I want to steal someone's lunch from the grad lab mini-fridge. "I can't help it," I'll tell them, mid-chew, "I can't control what I want." They'd likely object - if they were smart they'd say that my hunger pangs don't entitle me to encroach on their lunch experience.
So I'd say, can't the same be said of sexual libido? Isn't pornography "robbing" partners of sexual fulfillment from their mates?
A 1989 study discovered that, (even in the less-violent pornography published in the 1980s) subjects who viewed pornography reported less satisfaction with their intimate partners in their "affection, physical appearance, sexual curiosity, and sexual performance." The result is, they end up spending their energy with pornographic sites, only to neglect the real relationships they do have. One woman, in a 2003 study, said that her husband's pornography use puzzled her because, she says, "he never comes to me for sex to start out with!" It's hard to know which came first: unsatisfying sex or her husband's pornography use, but pornography is far from a healing balm to their sexual woes.
Sex Without Ties
The woman from the above study attempted to rationalize her husband's fixation, saying, "It’s like he’s afraid of rejection so he goes with something that is a 'sure' thing." That 'sure' thing is precisely the opposite of what healthy sexuality entails: a contextualized expression of sexual feeling. Those who conducted the aforementioned 1989 study discovered that their subjects also "assigned increased importance to sex without emotional involvement." Pornography is essentially sex without context, without story, without emotional commitment. Masturbation has no interpersonal hurdles blocking sexual gratification. You don't have to solve problems to get off.
Columnist Ross Douthat records how Philip Weiss, an avid pornophile, spun his pornography usage this way:
"Porn captures these women [its performers] before they get smart,” he said in a hot whisper as we sat in Schiller’s Liquor Bar on the Lower East Side. Porn exploited the sexual desires, and naïveté, of women in their early twenties, he went on … He spoke of acts he observed online that his wife wouldn’t do. “It’s painful to say, but that’s your boys’ night out, and it takes an enlightened woman to say that."
"Enlightened" is hardly the word I'd use to describe women "before they get smart." Pornography, strip clubs, and prostitution essentially make satisfying sexuality more difficult for women who look for commitment with sex. If a man doesn't want to commit, he can simply find (a degree) of sexual fulfillment outside his relationship. The woman essentially has little to offer, because he can get what she gives sexually from another source. A comment posted in response to a review of Paul's Pornified described porn as the ideal male/female relationship:
Porn doesn't get old, ugly or fat. Porn will never make you meet its parents [...] Porn won't hog the sheets. Porn will let you look at other porn. It even has suggestions at the beginning of the video. Porn won't make you wear a condom. Porn is free.
Any woman who is interested in maintaining a relationship, marital or otherwise, should be invested in fighting the "sex-positive" stigma surrounding pornography. Pornography is not an inevitability - it's something men (and the ever-persuasive millions the industry makes) have foisted on women for far too long. This isn't harmless or even a comic, albeit embarrassing, dirty little habit. It is a philosophical deviation from healthy human sexuality and it needs stunting.