I'm bothered by the prevailing notion that looking at pornography is "just something guys do," whether they are 12 years old or 40, single, dating, or married, and that girlfriends and wives just have to grin and bear it. I'm even more bothered by the women who propagate this nonsense or are otherwise party to it through their silence. I've met many women who simply shrug and say they don't mind, but I wonder--how many of them really don't mind, and how many simply feel powerless to stop it or just don't want to be so "demanding" that they drive their mates away?
I wonder, too: how could something like that not bother a wife? If someone truly doesn't mind, doesn't that display a different kind of harmful nonchalance about sex as an important part of marriage? And if the roles were reversed, would men put up with their wives ogling others' naked bodies? I think not. How can people who agree that adultery is harmful be so blasé about the secrets, lies, and mental infidelity inherent in a pornography habit? If men generally really do have a more difficult time being monogamous, why is the result that they get a pass for things like pornography (and even, at times, adultery), rather than there being an expectation that they will do what it takes to be monogamous, especially when they demand monogamy from their partners?
I don't think sexual temperance is a religious issue. Before I had ever encountered a church or learned who Jesus was, my mother encouraged us to delay sex until marriage in order to avoid pregnancy, disease, and heartbreak. And I've met many nonreligious people of both sexes who are disappointed in the state of things. I believe a solidarity between those (both women and men, religious and not) who believe pornography damages individuals and relationships is key to overcoming the absurd notions that pornography has a place in our society, that self-restraint is puritanical, or that men simply can't help themselves.
Anyway, you're coming out to Princeton. Philadelphia is about an hour away, so if you guys rent a car and feel like taking a quick trip to see some US history (or, you know, me), let me know. We'd love to see you guys and show you around, if you have the time. Forget all those awful things I said about Philly. You want to come; trust me.
To save some hundreds of monies, we flew into Newark. That's the opposite of where you are.
BUT.
While we will be at Princeton Friday and Saturday, we will be leaving in the evening on Sunday. We have some hours. Can you come to me? Or we could drive over Saturday as long as you had a floor that we could sleep on that night, and then we'd leave Sunday in the 'ternoon.
I wonder, too: how could something like that not bother a wife? If someone truly doesn't mind, doesn't that display a different kind of harmful nonchalance about sex as an important part of marriage? And if the roles were reversed, would men put up with their wives ogling others' naked bodies? I think not. How can people who agree that adultery is harmful be so blasé about the secrets, lies, and mental infidelity inherent in a pornography habit? If men generally really do have a more difficult time being monogamous, why is the result that they get a pass for things like pornography (and even, at times, adultery), rather than there being an expectation that they will do what it takes to be monogamous, especially when they demand monogamy from their partners?
I don't think sexual temperance is a religious issue. Before I had ever encountered a church or learned who Jesus was, my mother encouraged us to delay sex until marriage in order to avoid pregnancy, disease, and heartbreak. And I've met many nonreligious people of both sexes who are disappointed in the state of things. I believe a solidarity between those (both women and men, religious and not) who believe pornography damages individuals and relationships is key to overcoming the absurd notions that pornography has a place in our society, that self-restraint is puritanical, or that men simply can't help themselves.
Anyway, you're coming out to Princeton. Philadelphia is about an hour away, so if you guys rent a car and feel like taking a quick trip to see some US history (or, you know, me), let me know. We'd love to see you guys and show you around, if you have the time. Forget all those awful things I said about Philly. You want to come; trust me.
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To save some hundreds of monies, we flew into Newark. That's the opposite of where you are.
BUT.
While we will be at Princeton Friday and Saturday, we will be leaving in the evening on Sunday. We have some hours. Can you come to me? Or we could drive over Saturday as long as you had a floor that we could sleep on that night, and then we'd leave Sunday in the 'ternoon.
What say you.
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