you've buttered your bread, now sleep in it.

Jun 17, 2007 22:58

I'm scared to go.

england

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kit_a_licious June 18 2007, 07:29:06 UTC
Oh sugar, I know this feeling. I left for Hawaii under the silliest possible circumstances. Ohio was giving me perfect thunderstorms every night. I was leaving three good jobs with no knowledge of how quickly I'd find another one on the island. My parents would be staying behind and my childhood home would be sold in my absence. I was barely two weeks into what might have turned into my first and only relationship if, IF I had stayed.

And I was scared. I didn't tell anyone but him, I think, but he already knew. He was scared too. I was leaving, and without any intention of coming back again. Ever.

Leaving is hard no matter what the circumstances are. Change is hard, adventure is hard. Growing is hard. What can you do but savor everything, keep your chin up, pack your suitcases tightly so your clothes won't wrinkle?

This is, really, a wonderful step. It feels gorgeous to leave. Once you get past the fear and the doubt and the sadness... there's nothing in the world like it. Taking a risk, even the risk that your life will be a mess, is one of the most gratifying experiences you can ever have. London will belong to you, and you will be London's, and it's not forever but it's right now, and it's beautiful and heartbreaking and insane. Sometimes it's the hardest thing in the world to do what you've wanted to do all your life. Your thousands of little strings keep pulling at you. I'm there. I know.

I kept saying to myself, Sometimes you just have to jump, and trust that there will be a vine there to grab onto.

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