Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away
"Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe
In yesterday..."
Maybe Alcorn has finally gotten to me.
Maybe the ignorance has slowly eaten away at my being.
Maybe my loneliness is finally too much.
Maybe being dismissed by the social structure and having to recess in my own world to not feel alone is what happened.
Maybe that's why it happened.
I almost hurt someone very badly and it doesn't feel like it's foreign like I have been programmed to hurt. This is not me, this is not the person my mother and grandmother sent away with hopes of becoming a better person to influence, to promote change and creativity, unlike a lot of my black male counterparts who destroy by means of ignorance and crack, but that's another journal entry.
We, the soccer team, went to Mississippi Valley State University for a match. We got on the field and I am the goalie trainer, so I was working out the goalie because our other one had a softball tournament to go to. So, these group of guys came and setup behind to gate that behind the goal. To throw us of our game they blasted country music from the back of their trucks (unknown to them I like country). But, our goalie has ADD and couldn't really concentrate. So, I asked them to please turn it down. Then, he said "Fuck you and your bitch." I replied, "Fuck me, Fuck me! OK!" I looked around for something and found a stick. So, I went to the gate ready to cause some great bodily pain to those guys when the goalie jumped in front of me just as I was to swing. I stopped my swing in midair.
I looked into her eyes and I could see her, she was scared like she saw a something so dangerous in my eyes. She backed away and went to go sit on the bench. How could I do that to one of the few people here who actually cares about me and not what I could do for them. I had to drive one of two vans up there and she was in the van with me and it was the longest ride back. She forgave me, but why did it get to that point...Stress.
Maybe being up here would be easier if I had someone to talk, to confide in, to maybe just be without being having to change a little bit. There is someone, well two people. Danita, who has turned me down before, and Ashley, who plays soccer (conflict of interest, I know). Another twist to the story is that Danita and Ashley are roommates. The best way to explain why they are what I'm looking for in a woman is a story my grandmother always tells me:
A man went to the grocery store and made groceries.
When he got home he was hungry so he opened a box of corn flakes.
He ate a bowl of corn flakes and was still hungry, so he opened a can of peas. When he opened the can of peas it was full of corn flakes. He put the can down and opened up a box of crackers. It was filled with corn flakes. He peeled a banana and corn flakes fell out.
Morale: A lot of the women up here come in different packages put inside they are just corn flakes (they are all the same on the inside).
It seems were Alcorn lacks everywhere else they do know how to pair people up as roommates as evident with me and my roommate. Maybe it is the luck of the draw. These two women just bring a breath of fresh air into a stale room. To aggresively pursue one means to alienate the other. If I pursue Danita then Ashley is off-limits and vice versa. If I pursue Ashley then we conflict with soccer. I love the game but there is something about her, maybe because we are so very compatible together, but you know me the poster child for the fuck up society. I probably will somehow mess this up like I have so many times before. I think my name should be legally changed to Adrian "the Fuck-Up Kid" Reddix. Something to consider.
Oh, I believe
In yesterday..."
Maybe Alcorn has finally gotten to me.
Maybe the ignorance has slowly eaten away at my being.
Maybe my loneliness is finally too much.
Maybe being dismissed by the social structure and having to recess in my own world to not feel alone is what happened.
Maybe that's why it happened.
I almost hurt someone very badly and it doesn't feel like it's foreign like I have been programmed to hurt. This is not me, this is not the person my mother and grandmother sent away with hopes of becoming a better person to influence, to promote change and creativity, unlike a lot of my black male counterparts who destroy by means of ignorance and crack, but that's another journal entry.
We, the soccer team, went to Mississippi Valley State University for a match. We got on the field and I am the goalie trainer, so I was working out the goalie because our other one had a softball tournament to go to. So, these group of guys came and setup behind to gate that behind the goal. To throw us of our game they blasted country music from the back of their trucks (unknown to them I like country). But, our goalie has ADD and couldn't really concentrate. So, I asked them to please turn it down. Then, he said "Fuck you and your bitch." I replied, "Fuck me, Fuck me! OK!" I looked around for something and found a stick. So, I went to the gate ready to cause some great bodily pain to those guys when the goalie jumped in front of me just as I was to swing. I stopped my swing in midair.
I looked into her eyes and I could see her, she was scared like she saw a something so dangerous in my eyes. She backed away and went to go sit on the bench. How could I do that to one of the few people here who actually cares about me and not what I could do for them. I had to drive one of two vans up there and she was in the van with me and it was the longest ride back. She forgave me, but why did it get to that point...Stress.
Maybe being up here would be easier if I had someone to talk, to confide in, to maybe just be without being having to change a little bit. There is someone, well two people. Danita, who has turned me down before, and Ashley, who plays soccer (conflict of interest, I know). Another twist to the story is that Danita and Ashley are roommates. The best way to explain why they are what I'm looking for in a woman is a story my grandmother always tells me:
A man went to the grocery store and made groceries.
When he got home he was hungry so he opened a box of corn flakes.
He ate a bowl of corn flakes and was still hungry, so he opened a can of peas. When he opened the can of peas it was full of corn flakes. He put the can down and opened up a box of crackers. It was filled with corn flakes. He peeled a banana and corn flakes fell out.
Morale: A lot of the women up here come in different packages put inside they are just corn flakes (they are all the same on the inside).
It seems were Alcorn lacks everywhere else they do know how to pair people up as roommates as evident with me and my roommate. Maybe it is the luck of the draw. These two women just bring a breath of fresh air into a stale room. To aggresively pursue one means to alienate the other. If I pursue Danita then Ashley is off-limits and vice versa. If I pursue Ashley then we conflict with soccer. I love the game but there is something about her, maybe because we are so very compatible together, but you know me the poster child for the fuck up society. I probably will somehow mess this up like I have so many times before. I think my name should be legally changed to Adrian "the Fuck-Up Kid" Reddix. Something to consider.