Smoke & Lightning: Whatever Comes Our Way (13/?)
Title: Smoke & Lightning : Whatever Comes Our Way (13/?)
Authors: eviltwin and bloody_adorable
Fandoms: Supernatural RPS AU
Pairing: Jensen Ackles / Jared Padalecki.
Wordcount: 3,113
Rating: Adult.
Summary: The boys have a new family and face a whole new set of challenges and possibilities. But they can handle it.
Disclaimer: None of the following is true in any way, and no profit is made from this work of fiction.
Note from evil: Huge thanks to Adorable this week for writing another fab chapter while I struggled with the nano project which I now know I won't complete. Her hard work meant we didn't have to make you wait another week, so yay!
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
( master post)
Jensen was up before anyone else. The sun had just come up over the horizon, so he didn't bother trying to get the kids or Jared up. Jared had only had a couple hours of sleep, and while he could easily work on that - especially since his accident - Jensen chose not to bother him. He got up, used the adjoining master bath, then padded downstairs. The stairs were somewhat creaky. He knew Jeff could tighten them up so they were almost silent. Although, on second thought, maybe it was better they were like that, with Hannah up and leaving whenever she wanted to. Jensen frowned and shook his head. The child had the parent that she'd bonded with now in the same house, so she probably wouldn't run off. Probably.
It wasn't that she hadn't bonded with him, too. She just had taken to Jared more easily, as Matty had taken to Jensen more easily. That's why Matty had the Ackles name, and Hannah had the Padalecki name. It worked out pretty damn perfectly.
In the moving van, Jensen looked for a box marked KITCHEN, with another label on the side that told him the coffee maker and a canister of ground beans were inside. He lugged it out of the moving van, leaving the hatch open, and shuffled into the kitchen. He plugged in the gadget, and set the coffee up to brew a whole pot. It sputtered to life almost instantly.
Absentmindedly, Jensen moved to the old refrigerator and opened it. They should replace it. It was archaic, really. But he liked how it went with the rest of the house. He stared into an empty fridge for a second before he remembered that they had nothing for breakfast. “Aw, shit,” he sighed to himself. He let his head fall back, closing his eyes as he shut the refrigerator door. He turned, looking for the keys to Jared's bike, prepared to take it out and grab something small for all of them, when he saw a box on the counter that he had somehow missed. He flipped it open and saw all kinds of doughnuts inside. Some with frosting, some plain. Some chocolate, some lemon, some raspberry filled. Jared had gotten just about every kind there was. They were mostly squished to one side of the box, which made Jensen smile, thinking of the man trying to be so careful on a motorcycle with a box of doughnuts in his backpack.
Jensen picked up a chocolate dipped doughnut and jammed it into his mouth just as he heard the stairs creak under slight weight. He peeked around the corner to see who it was. Hannah was rubbing her eyes and looking around the new house.
“Morning, banana,” Jensen called to her with a smile.
“G'morning,” she greeted. “Daddy, I'm hungry.”
“Well, come on over,” he told her. He hefted her up into his arms, resting her on his hip as he pointed to the box. “Look what Dad brought.”
Her eyes, albeit still swollen with sleep, lit up. “Can I have one?”
“No.”
She looked at him, serious for only a moment, then burst into a fit of giggles. “Daddy!”
“Yes,” he chuckled. “What one do you want?”
“That one.” Her tiny finger pointed to a doughnut just like Jensen's.
“Ah, after my own heart,” he teased. He found a roll of paper towel in the moving box and had her rip off a square. He set the doughnut on the makeshift napkin and set her down on the floor again. “Want milk with it?”
“Yes,” she nodded.
“Yes, what?” he asked, moving over to the small cooler they'd brought with them. He lugged out a quart of unopened milk, shaking off the ice water before setting it on the counter. He felt better knowing that they would be unpacking everything today. The milk and other few things they had in the cooler weren't going to spoil, thankfully.
“Yes, please,” she corrected herself. They didn't have a table yet, but that didn't matter to Hannah. She climbed up in the living room window seat to eat her doughnut. As she did, she gazed out to the farm next door. She only looked up when Jensen brought her a small coffee mug of milk.
“Hey, don't get too used to those horses,” he told her.
“Why?”
“They're pretty, I'll give you that,” he explained. “But, they're a lot bigger up close. And you're too little to ride anyway.”
“But I like them,” she said, her eyes big and pleading.
He nodded, frowning slightly. “I know you do, banana,” he said. He sat down on the edge of the window seat, thoughtful for a few seconds. “I'll make a deal with you. After we get all moved in, you and I will go see the horses, okay?”
She gasped and nodded her head.
“But,” Jensen continued, a finger up in the air. “You never ever go there without me or Dad, okay?” He watched her nod her head again. “And you can't ride. But you can go see them, as long as the neighbors say it's okay.”
She nodded again, more adamantly this time. “Okay,” she agreed.
“Okay,” he chuckled, ruffling her hair. “I'm going to go get dressed. You eat your breakfast and when you're done, go wake up your brother. Let Dad sleep though, okay?”
“'kay,” she mumbled.
“And don't eat the cinnamon-sugar fry cake in the box,” he said, wagging a finger at her playfully. “Or Dad will snatch you bald-headed.”
“Tha's his favorite,” Hannah giggled.
“Yes, it is,” he returned. God, he loved that smile of hers. He watched her look down at her breakfast, now intent on that instead. Grinning, he leaned down and placed a kiss atop her head. “I love you, banana.”
She didn't look up at him, concentrated on picking tiny pieces off her doughnut and putting them into her mouth. “Love you, Daddy,” she said, almost mumbling again.
He watched her at the window for a few more moments, smiling gently. He really did love her. He hoped that they could erase her horrible past, and maybe then she would really, truly put her trust in him. He knew they were on the road to recovery with her. It was just going to take longer than Matty, considering all that she'd been through.
Upstairs, Jensen was as quiet as he could be. Still, Jared woke up and turned over onto his back. “Hey,” he greeted. “What time is it?”
“It's just seven,” Jensen answered. “I'm sorry, go back to sleep.”
“It's alright,” he said. He rubbed at his eyes and yawned, scratching at his head before sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed.
“Jay,” he said, sounding a little stern. “You should go back to sleep.” He walked to the bed and stood in front of him.
Jared reached out and wrapped his arms around Jensen, resting his chin against the man's stomach and looking up at him. “I'm okay,” he said.
“You're exhausted,” Jensen chuckled. He ran his fingers through Jared's sleep-tousled hair, trying to tame it slightly. It was useless.
“Nah,” he refused. “We gotta get moved in. The truck goes back tonight.”
“I know,” he nodded. “I'll take care of it. Sleep.”
Jared let his eyes drift closed for a moment but then smacked Jensen's jean-clad backside and stood from the bed, letting the sheets fall away from his naked form. “Nope,” he returned. “I'll be down in a little bit.”
Jensen rolled his eyes and sighed. “You're impossible, you know.”
“I know, I know,” he said, the elastic to his boxer briefs snapping against his waist. “You can scold me later.”
Chuckling, Jensen leaned down to the floor and picked up Jared's shirt. “Careful, I might,” he warned.
“Give me a good spanking, baby,” Jared teased, pulling on his jeans. “Right here.” He turned and presented his backside to Jensen, rubbing playfully at the targeted area. He was a little surprised when Jensen reached out and smacked him, and pretty hard too, biting his bottom lip as he grinned at Jared. “Ow, you big meanie,” Jared teased.
“Yeah, yeah,” Jensen laughed. He threw Jared's shirt at him, watching the man turning to catch it. “Be good. Hannah's already up.”
“Weird, me too,” Jared said, winking.
Jensen got what he meant and set his hand on Jared's chest to shove at him, but instead, Jared caught hold of his wrist and pulled him closer, giving him a kiss, lingering close for a few extra seconds. Gently, Jared pressed his forehead to Jensen's, simply enjoying their closeness for a moment. “Love you,” Jared whispered, suddenly rather serious about the whole situation.
Jensen smiled up at him. “Love you back,” he returned, just as softly.
The boxes were brought into the house and put in their respective rooms. Both the kids were told to go through their stuff and start setting up what they could. They were so excited about moving that they didn't argue one bit. Jeff and Stevie showed up to help out, and they brought Maya with them - Jared had left her there while they moved - as well as Jensen's Triumph. He was pleased to see both and Maya got straight into running around the roomy backyard. While they helped, Jeff watched Stevie like a hawk. He kept yelling to her to not pick up that box, don't go up and down those stairs all day, why don't you just get a drink and sit down, baby? Jared chuckled as he listened to him, shaking his head.
“She's gonna punch you,” Jared warned.
Jeff finally took his eyes from her, instead looking to his son. “What?”
“She's gonna belt you one if you don't leave her alone.”
“Well, she's carrying my baby, Jay,” he explained. “The doctors say that women over forty have a little harder time.”
“She's forty-one, you freak,” Jared laughed.
“I know,” he nodded.
Jared just chuckled again, shaking his head. “Help me move this shit,” he encouraged, tugging at Jeff's shirt and escorting him to the truck.
The only bedroom upstairs that had any real wall color to it was Matty's room. He had chosen the room because of the one slate-blue wall. And Matty's bed was one of the few that they had decided to bring with them from California. The boy had declared that he wanted two in his room - one for himself, and one for whatever friend he had staying the night every weekend. Jensen had laughed and said it wouldn't be every weekend, but he was happy that Matty was so excited about it all.
Hannah's room was white. She had plenty of pink and green accessories though, so it turned out quite well. When the moving truck had been emptied, after Jeff and Stevie went back home, Jared and Jensen worked with the kids on their rooms. Jensen helped Matty, while Jared helped Hannah. When they were done, they called it a day. Jared took the kids outside and they played a crazy game of kickball while Jensen finished up a few things in the house, even though Jared had asked him to quit for the day. It was important to him that their routine got back to as normal as it could, which meant a table to eat at when they finally got out to grab some pizza and wings. He spied on Jared and the kids through the window in the kitchen, chuckling at their antics. He should be out there, enjoying the time with them, but Jared was having some bonding time with him. They'd missed him while he was away.
He didn't realize that it had gotten quiet outside until he heard Jared step into the room. He looked up from the upside-down table, cordless drill in his hands. “Hey,” he greeted. He immediately saw that something wasn't right. “What?”
Jared opened his mouth for a moment, not sure how to begin.
“What?” Jensen said again. “Are the kids okay?”
“Yeah,” he nodded. He took a step closer. “Jen, Kenzie's outside.”
Jensen gazed at him for a moment, unable to move other than to blink silently. Finally, as if somehow freed from a strange spell, Jensen looked away, back down to the dining table he was assembling. “I can't talk right now,” he said.
“Jen,” Jared replied, sounding a little frustrated. “You can't avoid her forever.”
“Not forever,” he returned. “Just for now. I'm not ready. Not with the kids around.”
Jared shook his head. “Kids are in the car,” he said. “We were gonna go get some dinner.”
Jensen straightened and looked at Jared, as if he'd betrayed him.
“Be gone about an hour?”
Sighing, Jensen's eyes suddenly felt heavy. He blinked slowly and shrugged his shoulders. “Alright.”
Proud of him, Jared put his arms around Jensen, kissing the side of the man's head. He grabbed the keys to the car and headed out the front door. Jensen tried to go back to his job, but was distracted. He tried to pretend that he couldn't hear Kenzie stepping into the house, moving slowly and warily.
“Hi.”
He looked up from his spot on the floor and saw her standing in the kitchen. She looked tired. Scared. Her arms were crossed over her stomach, which she only did when she was nervous or feeling insecure. “Hi,” he returned.
There was an awkward silence that both of them didn't know how to get around. Kenzie took a step closer and was the first to try and fix things between them. “Jen, I just want to say I'm sorry,” she offered.
Tightening the screws in the table legs, Jensen nodded. “I know,” he said, his words short and sharp. He reached up with his free hand and swiped a hand across his forehead, where sweat had beaded up. “Look, Kenzie. I'm not sure what you want me to say.”
“I want you to say that you understand,” she returned. “I want you to tell me that I'll be okay, and that you love me no matter what.”
He looked at her in silence for a moment before shaking his head at her. “I don't understand it,” he returned. “I don't know why you would do this to yourself, why you would think - in any world - that this was a really great idea.”
“I was in college, Jen,” she said. “All my friends were doing it. I just wanted to fit in.”
Gazing down at the table, Jensen nodded. “Phin have anything to do with this?”
“Jensen, you know he didn't.” She shrugged her shoulders. “As a matter of fact, that's why we split up. He told me I was going overboard. I just didn't listen.”
He nodded again, still not really able to look at her for very long. As he thought to himself, the nod of his head turned into a shake. “You brought that shit into my house,” he said softly, his words not as sharp as before. “You brought it around my kids. You lied to me, you got my fucking life partner to lie to me to protect you.”
“No,” she said. “I'm sorry about bringing the drugs into your house, and around the kids. I never want to hurt them or expose them to that stuff. Ever. But I didn't have Jared lie to you to protect myself. I did it to try and protect what you and I have. You are my big brother, Jen. I know Josh is around, but not like you. You and I are best friends. Always have been.”
He could see tears in her eyes, knew she was being sincere. He had to look away so that she didn't see his own tears starting to well-up in his eyes. “I feel like I wasn't there for you. Like I let you down.”
“You didn't let me down, Jen,” she continued. “You've always been there for me. I just was too dumb to see it. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I wanted to kick the habit I had, and then tell you what I'd been through. I didn't want you to be disappointed in me.”
“You think me hearing about what you'd been through without me was going to make me feel better?” he suddenly snapped. “You think that would make me feel better knowing that you thought you couldn't come to me when you needed me the most?”
Kenzie was taken aback somewhat. She stared at Jensen, surprised. “I...I hadn't thought of it that way,” she said. “I thought you'd be more disappointed if I came to you and told you what I'd done.”
“I would have understood that,” he offered. “I don't understand where I became the one that you couldn't approach. I don't understand when Jared became more important than me.”
She shook her head. “He's not more important than you,” she corrected. “I was working up the courage to ask you for help, but nothing felt right. I wouldn't have even gone to Jared if he hadn't found the stuff in my room. But he did, and I was needing someone to lean on.”
“So, why not me, Kenzie?” He knew he sounded like a whiny four-year-old that had been ignored on the playground, but he was very hurt over the whole thing - especially the fact that she'd gone to Jared, and not him.
Amidst tears that rolled down her face, Kenzie smiled. “You are so strong, Jensen,” she said to him, stepping closer. “Amazingly strong. I can only aspire to be like you someday. But you have a lot of stress. You have a lot of weight on your shoulders. It never seemed like the right time.”
He shook his head at her again. “That's a lame excuse, Kenzie.”
She softly laughed and nodded. “You have no idea the impact you've had on my life, Jensen. I know I have a lot of damage to repair between us, but I need you. I'm going Monday to a counselling session, but I would really like to know that when I get out, you'll be there for me.”
Jensen watched her look at him with hope-filled eyes. He frowned, a furrow forming in his brow as he looked down at the assembled table, then back over at her. He reached out and put his arms around her, still holding onto the drill. He heard her sigh of relief as she buried her face against his chest.
“You'll be okay,” he told her with a gentle voice. “And I'll always love you, no matter what.”
tbc
Authors: eviltwin and bloody_adorable
Fandoms: Supernatural RPS AU
Pairing: Jensen Ackles / Jared Padalecki.
Wordcount: 3,113
Rating: Adult.
Summary: The boys have a new family and face a whole new set of challenges and possibilities. But they can handle it.
Disclaimer: None of the following is true in any way, and no profit is made from this work of fiction.
Note from evil: Huge thanks to Adorable this week for writing another fab chapter while I struggled with the nano project which I now know I won't complete. Her hard work meant we didn't have to make you wait another week, so yay!
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
( master post)
Jensen was up before anyone else. The sun had just come up over the horizon, so he didn't bother trying to get the kids or Jared up. Jared had only had a couple hours of sleep, and while he could easily work on that - especially since his accident - Jensen chose not to bother him. He got up, used the adjoining master bath, then padded downstairs. The stairs were somewhat creaky. He knew Jeff could tighten them up so they were almost silent. Although, on second thought, maybe it was better they were like that, with Hannah up and leaving whenever she wanted to. Jensen frowned and shook his head. The child had the parent that she'd bonded with now in the same house, so she probably wouldn't run off. Probably.
It wasn't that she hadn't bonded with him, too. She just had taken to Jared more easily, as Matty had taken to Jensen more easily. That's why Matty had the Ackles name, and Hannah had the Padalecki name. It worked out pretty damn perfectly.
In the moving van, Jensen looked for a box marked KITCHEN, with another label on the side that told him the coffee maker and a canister of ground beans were inside. He lugged it out of the moving van, leaving the hatch open, and shuffled into the kitchen. He plugged in the gadget, and set the coffee up to brew a whole pot. It sputtered to life almost instantly.
Absentmindedly, Jensen moved to the old refrigerator and opened it. They should replace it. It was archaic, really. But he liked how it went with the rest of the house. He stared into an empty fridge for a second before he remembered that they had nothing for breakfast. “Aw, shit,” he sighed to himself. He let his head fall back, closing his eyes as he shut the refrigerator door. He turned, looking for the keys to Jared's bike, prepared to take it out and grab something small for all of them, when he saw a box on the counter that he had somehow missed. He flipped it open and saw all kinds of doughnuts inside. Some with frosting, some plain. Some chocolate, some lemon, some raspberry filled. Jared had gotten just about every kind there was. They were mostly squished to one side of the box, which made Jensen smile, thinking of the man trying to be so careful on a motorcycle with a box of doughnuts in his backpack.
Jensen picked up a chocolate dipped doughnut and jammed it into his mouth just as he heard the stairs creak under slight weight. He peeked around the corner to see who it was. Hannah was rubbing her eyes and looking around the new house.
“Morning, banana,” Jensen called to her with a smile.
“G'morning,” she greeted. “Daddy, I'm hungry.”
“Well, come on over,” he told her. He hefted her up into his arms, resting her on his hip as he pointed to the box. “Look what Dad brought.”
Her eyes, albeit still swollen with sleep, lit up. “Can I have one?”
“No.”
She looked at him, serious for only a moment, then burst into a fit of giggles. “Daddy!”
“Yes,” he chuckled. “What one do you want?”
“That one.” Her tiny finger pointed to a doughnut just like Jensen's.
“Ah, after my own heart,” he teased. He found a roll of paper towel in the moving box and had her rip off a square. He set the doughnut on the makeshift napkin and set her down on the floor again. “Want milk with it?”
“Yes,” she nodded.
“Yes, what?” he asked, moving over to the small cooler they'd brought with them. He lugged out a quart of unopened milk, shaking off the ice water before setting it on the counter. He felt better knowing that they would be unpacking everything today. The milk and other few things they had in the cooler weren't going to spoil, thankfully.
“Yes, please,” she corrected herself. They didn't have a table yet, but that didn't matter to Hannah. She climbed up in the living room window seat to eat her doughnut. As she did, she gazed out to the farm next door. She only looked up when Jensen brought her a small coffee mug of milk.
“Hey, don't get too used to those horses,” he told her.
“Why?”
“They're pretty, I'll give you that,” he explained. “But, they're a lot bigger up close. And you're too little to ride anyway.”
“But I like them,” she said, her eyes big and pleading.
He nodded, frowning slightly. “I know you do, banana,” he said. He sat down on the edge of the window seat, thoughtful for a few seconds. “I'll make a deal with you. After we get all moved in, you and I will go see the horses, okay?”
She gasped and nodded her head.
“But,” Jensen continued, a finger up in the air. “You never ever go there without me or Dad, okay?” He watched her nod her head again. “And you can't ride. But you can go see them, as long as the neighbors say it's okay.”
She nodded again, more adamantly this time. “Okay,” she agreed.
“Okay,” he chuckled, ruffling her hair. “I'm going to go get dressed. You eat your breakfast and when you're done, go wake up your brother. Let Dad sleep though, okay?”
“'kay,” she mumbled.
“And don't eat the cinnamon-sugar fry cake in the box,” he said, wagging a finger at her playfully. “Or Dad will snatch you bald-headed.”
“Tha's his favorite,” Hannah giggled.
“Yes, it is,” he returned. God, he loved that smile of hers. He watched her look down at her breakfast, now intent on that instead. Grinning, he leaned down and placed a kiss atop her head. “I love you, banana.”
She didn't look up at him, concentrated on picking tiny pieces off her doughnut and putting them into her mouth. “Love you, Daddy,” she said, almost mumbling again.
He watched her at the window for a few more moments, smiling gently. He really did love her. He hoped that they could erase her horrible past, and maybe then she would really, truly put her trust in him. He knew they were on the road to recovery with her. It was just going to take longer than Matty, considering all that she'd been through.
Upstairs, Jensen was as quiet as he could be. Still, Jared woke up and turned over onto his back. “Hey,” he greeted. “What time is it?”
“It's just seven,” Jensen answered. “I'm sorry, go back to sleep.”
“It's alright,” he said. He rubbed at his eyes and yawned, scratching at his head before sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed.
“Jay,” he said, sounding a little stern. “You should go back to sleep.” He walked to the bed and stood in front of him.
Jared reached out and wrapped his arms around Jensen, resting his chin against the man's stomach and looking up at him. “I'm okay,” he said.
“You're exhausted,” Jensen chuckled. He ran his fingers through Jared's sleep-tousled hair, trying to tame it slightly. It was useless.
“Nah,” he refused. “We gotta get moved in. The truck goes back tonight.”
“I know,” he nodded. “I'll take care of it. Sleep.”
Jared let his eyes drift closed for a moment but then smacked Jensen's jean-clad backside and stood from the bed, letting the sheets fall away from his naked form. “Nope,” he returned. “I'll be down in a little bit.”
Jensen rolled his eyes and sighed. “You're impossible, you know.”
“I know, I know,” he said, the elastic to his boxer briefs snapping against his waist. “You can scold me later.”
Chuckling, Jensen leaned down to the floor and picked up Jared's shirt. “Careful, I might,” he warned.
“Give me a good spanking, baby,” Jared teased, pulling on his jeans. “Right here.” He turned and presented his backside to Jensen, rubbing playfully at the targeted area. He was a little surprised when Jensen reached out and smacked him, and pretty hard too, biting his bottom lip as he grinned at Jared. “Ow, you big meanie,” Jared teased.
“Yeah, yeah,” Jensen laughed. He threw Jared's shirt at him, watching the man turning to catch it. “Be good. Hannah's already up.”
“Weird, me too,” Jared said, winking.
Jensen got what he meant and set his hand on Jared's chest to shove at him, but instead, Jared caught hold of his wrist and pulled him closer, giving him a kiss, lingering close for a few extra seconds. Gently, Jared pressed his forehead to Jensen's, simply enjoying their closeness for a moment. “Love you,” Jared whispered, suddenly rather serious about the whole situation.
Jensen smiled up at him. “Love you back,” he returned, just as softly.
The boxes were brought into the house and put in their respective rooms. Both the kids were told to go through their stuff and start setting up what they could. They were so excited about moving that they didn't argue one bit. Jeff and Stevie showed up to help out, and they brought Maya with them - Jared had left her there while they moved - as well as Jensen's Triumph. He was pleased to see both and Maya got straight into running around the roomy backyard. While they helped, Jeff watched Stevie like a hawk. He kept yelling to her to not pick up that box, don't go up and down those stairs all day, why don't you just get a drink and sit down, baby? Jared chuckled as he listened to him, shaking his head.
“She's gonna punch you,” Jared warned.
Jeff finally took his eyes from her, instead looking to his son. “What?”
“She's gonna belt you one if you don't leave her alone.”
“Well, she's carrying my baby, Jay,” he explained. “The doctors say that women over forty have a little harder time.”
“She's forty-one, you freak,” Jared laughed.
“I know,” he nodded.
Jared just chuckled again, shaking his head. “Help me move this shit,” he encouraged, tugging at Jeff's shirt and escorting him to the truck.
The only bedroom upstairs that had any real wall color to it was Matty's room. He had chosen the room because of the one slate-blue wall. And Matty's bed was one of the few that they had decided to bring with them from California. The boy had declared that he wanted two in his room - one for himself, and one for whatever friend he had staying the night every weekend. Jensen had laughed and said it wouldn't be every weekend, but he was happy that Matty was so excited about it all.
Hannah's room was white. She had plenty of pink and green accessories though, so it turned out quite well. When the moving truck had been emptied, after Jeff and Stevie went back home, Jared and Jensen worked with the kids on their rooms. Jensen helped Matty, while Jared helped Hannah. When they were done, they called it a day. Jared took the kids outside and they played a crazy game of kickball while Jensen finished up a few things in the house, even though Jared had asked him to quit for the day. It was important to him that their routine got back to as normal as it could, which meant a table to eat at when they finally got out to grab some pizza and wings. He spied on Jared and the kids through the window in the kitchen, chuckling at their antics. He should be out there, enjoying the time with them, but Jared was having some bonding time with him. They'd missed him while he was away.
He didn't realize that it had gotten quiet outside until he heard Jared step into the room. He looked up from the upside-down table, cordless drill in his hands. “Hey,” he greeted. He immediately saw that something wasn't right. “What?”
Jared opened his mouth for a moment, not sure how to begin.
“What?” Jensen said again. “Are the kids okay?”
“Yeah,” he nodded. He took a step closer. “Jen, Kenzie's outside.”
Jensen gazed at him for a moment, unable to move other than to blink silently. Finally, as if somehow freed from a strange spell, Jensen looked away, back down to the dining table he was assembling. “I can't talk right now,” he said.
“Jen,” Jared replied, sounding a little frustrated. “You can't avoid her forever.”
“Not forever,” he returned. “Just for now. I'm not ready. Not with the kids around.”
Jared shook his head. “Kids are in the car,” he said. “We were gonna go get some dinner.”
Jensen straightened and looked at Jared, as if he'd betrayed him.
“Be gone about an hour?”
Sighing, Jensen's eyes suddenly felt heavy. He blinked slowly and shrugged his shoulders. “Alright.”
Proud of him, Jared put his arms around Jensen, kissing the side of the man's head. He grabbed the keys to the car and headed out the front door. Jensen tried to go back to his job, but was distracted. He tried to pretend that he couldn't hear Kenzie stepping into the house, moving slowly and warily.
“Hi.”
He looked up from his spot on the floor and saw her standing in the kitchen. She looked tired. Scared. Her arms were crossed over her stomach, which she only did when she was nervous or feeling insecure. “Hi,” he returned.
There was an awkward silence that both of them didn't know how to get around. Kenzie took a step closer and was the first to try and fix things between them. “Jen, I just want to say I'm sorry,” she offered.
Tightening the screws in the table legs, Jensen nodded. “I know,” he said, his words short and sharp. He reached up with his free hand and swiped a hand across his forehead, where sweat had beaded up. “Look, Kenzie. I'm not sure what you want me to say.”
“I want you to say that you understand,” she returned. “I want you to tell me that I'll be okay, and that you love me no matter what.”
He looked at her in silence for a moment before shaking his head at her. “I don't understand it,” he returned. “I don't know why you would do this to yourself, why you would think - in any world - that this was a really great idea.”
“I was in college, Jen,” she said. “All my friends were doing it. I just wanted to fit in.”
Gazing down at the table, Jensen nodded. “Phin have anything to do with this?”
“Jensen, you know he didn't.” She shrugged her shoulders. “As a matter of fact, that's why we split up. He told me I was going overboard. I just didn't listen.”
He nodded again, still not really able to look at her for very long. As he thought to himself, the nod of his head turned into a shake. “You brought that shit into my house,” he said softly, his words not as sharp as before. “You brought it around my kids. You lied to me, you got my fucking life partner to lie to me to protect you.”
“No,” she said. “I'm sorry about bringing the drugs into your house, and around the kids. I never want to hurt them or expose them to that stuff. Ever. But I didn't have Jared lie to you to protect myself. I did it to try and protect what you and I have. You are my big brother, Jen. I know Josh is around, but not like you. You and I are best friends. Always have been.”
He could see tears in her eyes, knew she was being sincere. He had to look away so that she didn't see his own tears starting to well-up in his eyes. “I feel like I wasn't there for you. Like I let you down.”
“You didn't let me down, Jen,” she continued. “You've always been there for me. I just was too dumb to see it. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I wanted to kick the habit I had, and then tell you what I'd been through. I didn't want you to be disappointed in me.”
“You think me hearing about what you'd been through without me was going to make me feel better?” he suddenly snapped. “You think that would make me feel better knowing that you thought you couldn't come to me when you needed me the most?”
Kenzie was taken aback somewhat. She stared at Jensen, surprised. “I...I hadn't thought of it that way,” she said. “I thought you'd be more disappointed if I came to you and told you what I'd done.”
“I would have understood that,” he offered. “I don't understand where I became the one that you couldn't approach. I don't understand when Jared became more important than me.”
She shook her head. “He's not more important than you,” she corrected. “I was working up the courage to ask you for help, but nothing felt right. I wouldn't have even gone to Jared if he hadn't found the stuff in my room. But he did, and I was needing someone to lean on.”
“So, why not me, Kenzie?” He knew he sounded like a whiny four-year-old that had been ignored on the playground, but he was very hurt over the whole thing - especially the fact that she'd gone to Jared, and not him.
Amidst tears that rolled down her face, Kenzie smiled. “You are so strong, Jensen,” she said to him, stepping closer. “Amazingly strong. I can only aspire to be like you someday. But you have a lot of stress. You have a lot of weight on your shoulders. It never seemed like the right time.”
He shook his head at her again. “That's a lame excuse, Kenzie.”
She softly laughed and nodded. “You have no idea the impact you've had on my life, Jensen. I know I have a lot of damage to repair between us, but I need you. I'm going Monday to a counselling session, but I would really like to know that when I get out, you'll be there for me.”
Jensen watched her look at him with hope-filled eyes. He frowned, a furrow forming in his brow as he looked down at the assembled table, then back over at her. He reached out and put his arms around her, still holding onto the drill. He heard her sigh of relief as she buried her face against his chest.
“You'll be okay,” he told her with a gentle voice. “And I'll always love you, no matter what.”
tbc