holy shit it's windy outside

[areallycoolgirl]

today is the same as yesterday and tomorrow will be stupid just like the rest of them
i want to write 22 off as one of the worst years in my sad little personal history
but why
let's include it
let's put it up there on a pedestal high up for all to see
with a plaque detailing my importance to all of you
i am at the very center of my world
and why not yours too
what else is there to be concerned with

i have not yet killed anyone
i am never running for office
i am occasionally humorous
easy to please
easily won over, pushed away, and then won over another hundred times
i read books
i read books on the job
macy's pays me seven dollars an hour to process transactions and babysit the kids' clothes
i am disposable to them
and disposable to you
like the solo cup that held your carefully mixed concoction taking you from zero to stupid in 20 minutes
the wind took it off your front lawn, but there are 19 more left in the bag

the unisom is telling my limbs that they weigh 60 lbs each
and i guess if it's how i feel than it must be so
there really isn't anything else to go by
which is why
i'm believing you
all of you
everything you tell me with any hint of honesty
it seeps in and sets like concrete in my stomache
and i'm sinking