How to properly trip the road
Have you ever sat in a car for seven hours to go somewhere for a couple of weeks, only to then sit in a car for another seven hours to go back where you came from?
If you'd been raised in my family, you would have experienced long car rides about four times a year, either to hit up the coast or the mountains. In this family we usually leave in the dead of night, like thieves or people on the run, which is excellent for sleeping when you're little enough to stretch out on the backseat and, y'know, actually manage to sleep because it's dark and your body is convinced that that's reason enough.
There comes a time in your life, usually during your teenage years, when you realize how very uncomfortable sitting in the backseat for seven hours truly is. You can't sleep anymore and for the longest time I actually imagined that we truly were on the run, in a covered wagon, running from... zombies, the plague, etc. Whatever I came up with that year.
Now, after a bazillion years of not having gone on vacation with my family because I lived across the Atlantic, this year is the first year I get to go on this lengthy trip with them as an adult. I feel good about this because I've survived my fair share of long plane rides, and my family is nice, so I don't have to worry about being locked in a car for seven hours with a bunch of lunatics.
If you're going to be stuck in a car with a bunch of lunatics I suggest you get out. Preferably when the car's standing/going slow. None of what I will tell you here will help you.
Just like plane rides, lengthy car rides have to be well prepared. In fact, due to the fact that you can't get up and walk to the bathroom/ there aren't any flight attendants to flirt with/chat up/ whine to/ get cookies/alcohol/pie/water from, it almost needs more preparation than a transatlantic flight. Go figure.
I'm the kind of person that gets carsick when I do anything other than the following:
a) sleeping
b) staring out the window, which eventually morphs into staring straight ahead
So my entertainment choices are severely limited since I can't read and lack the technology to watch movies in the car. All I have, really, is a bunch of music and my imagination (running away from zombies/embarking on an intergalactic space flight, etc.). And food. Never under any circumstances should you embark on a trip that'll take you longer than half an hour without food. Seriously.
Anyways, in preparation for your long-distance drive, you should dress comfortably. Unlike on a plane, the people you are stuck in a car with are most likely familiar enough with you to not mind an utterly ridiculous outfit. Personally I've been banned from wearing pajamas on this trip because "we're going to a NICE hotel and you will not climb out of the car in plaid flannel pajama pants!"!!! <-- motherly exclamation. I once went by train from Naples to Frankfurt in pajama pants. It rocked. It was a class trip and at that point I was well enough ensconced in the uncool/nerd camp to figure that one little trip in pajamas wasn't going to damage my reputation any further. I was totally fine with that. I'd do it again. All the time.
So, comfy clothes! Sweatpants! Yoga pants even, if you're feeling ambitious. Don't wear jeans, seriously. Who are you trying to impress? That's right. No one. Wear a comfy shirt, too. In my case it'll be plaid flannel because I'm gay of the opinion that flannel makes life suck about 100% less. So there's that. Wear shoes you can take off. Obviously wash your feet, no one likes to be stuck in a car for seven hours with someone who has smelly feet. No one likes smelly feet period. Do something to your hair that will keep it out of your face while allowing you to lean back against the headrest. Unless you're under the age of ten buns on top of your head just look stupid, so regardless of how much you're not NOT trying to impress the people around you, keep that in mind.
Music. Music is essential to my existence, to my sanity, to my everything. Music is the one reason why I don't fear lengthy trips anywhere in any sort of vessel with any sort of company. I'm a hermit and I just cannot listen to anyone talk/ listen to the radio for seven hours, so my iPod is my lifesaver. Music for this upcoming trip is similar to the airplane music but will also include these following songs:
1) Line in the Sand- Lucy Kaplansky (I adore her voice. I want to have her voice's babies.)
2) When you find me- Joshua Radin
3) No Light No Light- Florence & the Machine
4) Where the angels are- Eivør
5) Someone like you (live)- Adele
6) Better than love- Griffin House
7) I woke up in a car- Something Corporate
8) The Ballad of Sally Rose- Emmylou Harris
9) Praan- Palbasha Siddique & Garry Schyman
10) All I wanna do is make love to you- Heart
Random music choices are random.
All in all I have 4.1 hours of music on this playlist, which means that by listening to it once, this trip will be more than halfway over. I will remind myself of this and rejoice in the confined space of my dad's car's backseat. Quietly. I may rejoice and celebrate by indulging in a baby carrot.
Which brings me to the second most important thing ever on road trips: FOOD!
If, like my fourteen year old self, you're pretending to be on the run, you might enjoy gnawing on a dry bread crust while sipping warm, stale water. If you're pretending to be all grown up, here are some other nifty food choices:
1) Baby carrots <-- non-messy, non-greasy food with health benefits.
2) Sandwiches <-- make them fun, put salad on them or tomatoes and a variety of meats and cheeses. Make gourmet sandwiches.
3) Gummy bears <-- if that floats your boat.
4) Old-fashioned mint candy things to suck on <-- they're fun! 'nuff said.
5) Apple juice or something similar <-- again, health benefits
6) Apple slices/pear slices <-- pear slices are little pieces of orgasmic heaven on road trips. Just sayin'.
7) Whatever else you feel like you can't live without for seven hours.
What you should do regardless of the season: Stop for ice cream. DO it, it's the single best thing to do on a road trip, even in the dead of winter. It'll boost your morale.
Other things to take:
- Pillow-like thing to sleep against
- Blanket to snuggle up with/ to pull over your head if you have a dramatic case of I-JUST-WANT-TO-BE-ALONE-RIGHT-NOW!
- Lip balm
- Sarcasm
- Sleeping pills (eh, it's worth a try)
- Jokes to tell (depending on your company, choose wisely between something X-rated/possibly offensive and a joke you'd share with a kindergartener) Drivers love to be distracted by a good joke every once in a while. At least my driver, uhm, father enjoys the occasional chuckle. DO NOT tell a joke while driving across a snowy mountain/through a blizzard or something similar. Pretend you're not even there. You're this miniscule quark listening to music in the backseat, is what you are during weather emergencies.
And now... you're set. You'll survive your next road trip armed with all this awesome advice. Unless, of course, you're traveling with children. Then all bets are off. I wish you luck. Now go forth and explore the world by car, young grasshoppers.
If you'd been raised in my family, you would have experienced long car rides about four times a year, either to hit up the coast or the mountains. In this family we usually leave in the dead of night, like thieves or people on the run, which is excellent for sleeping when you're little enough to stretch out on the backseat and, y'know, actually manage to sleep because it's dark and your body is convinced that that's reason enough.
There comes a time in your life, usually during your teenage years, when you realize how very uncomfortable sitting in the backseat for seven hours truly is. You can't sleep anymore and for the longest time I actually imagined that we truly were on the run, in a covered wagon, running from... zombies, the plague, etc. Whatever I came up with that year.
Now, after a bazillion years of not having gone on vacation with my family because I lived across the Atlantic, this year is the first year I get to go on this lengthy trip with them as an adult. I feel good about this because I've survived my fair share of long plane rides, and my family is nice, so I don't have to worry about being locked in a car for seven hours with a bunch of lunatics.
If you're going to be stuck in a car with a bunch of lunatics I suggest you get out. Preferably when the car's standing/going slow. None of what I will tell you here will help you.
Just like plane rides, lengthy car rides have to be well prepared. In fact, due to the fact that you can't get up and walk to the bathroom/ there aren't any flight attendants to flirt with/chat up/ whine to/ get cookies/alcohol/pie/water from, it almost needs more preparation than a transatlantic flight. Go figure.
I'm the kind of person that gets carsick when I do anything other than the following:
a) sleeping
b) staring out the window, which eventually morphs into staring straight ahead
So my entertainment choices are severely limited since I can't read and lack the technology to watch movies in the car. All I have, really, is a bunch of music and my imagination (running away from zombies/embarking on an intergalactic space flight, etc.). And food. Never under any circumstances should you embark on a trip that'll take you longer than half an hour without food. Seriously.
Anyways, in preparation for your long-distance drive, you should dress comfortably. Unlike on a plane, the people you are stuck in a car with are most likely familiar enough with you to not mind an utterly ridiculous outfit. Personally I've been banned from wearing pajamas on this trip because "we're going to a NICE hotel and you will not climb out of the car in plaid flannel pajama pants!"!!! <-- motherly exclamation. I once went by train from Naples to Frankfurt in pajama pants. It rocked. It was a class trip and at that point I was well enough ensconced in the uncool/nerd camp to figure that one little trip in pajamas wasn't going to damage my reputation any further. I was totally fine with that. I'd do it again. All the time.
So, comfy clothes! Sweatpants! Yoga pants even, if you're feeling ambitious. Don't wear jeans, seriously. Who are you trying to impress? That's right. No one. Wear a comfy shirt, too. In my case it'll be plaid flannel because I'm gay of the opinion that flannel makes life suck about 100% less. So there's that. Wear shoes you can take off. Obviously wash your feet, no one likes to be stuck in a car for seven hours with someone who has smelly feet. No one likes smelly feet period. Do something to your hair that will keep it out of your face while allowing you to lean back against the headrest. Unless you're under the age of ten buns on top of your head just look stupid, so regardless of how much you're not NOT trying to impress the people around you, keep that in mind.
Music. Music is essential to my existence, to my sanity, to my everything. Music is the one reason why I don't fear lengthy trips anywhere in any sort of vessel with any sort of company. I'm a hermit and I just cannot listen to anyone talk/ listen to the radio for seven hours, so my iPod is my lifesaver. Music for this upcoming trip is similar to the airplane music but will also include these following songs:
1) Line in the Sand- Lucy Kaplansky (I adore her voice. I want to have her voice's babies.)
2) When you find me- Joshua Radin
3) No Light No Light- Florence & the Machine
4) Where the angels are- Eivør
5) Someone like you (live)- Adele
6) Better than love- Griffin House
7) I woke up in a car- Something Corporate
8) The Ballad of Sally Rose- Emmylou Harris
9) Praan- Palbasha Siddique & Garry Schyman
10) All I wanna do is make love to you- Heart
Random music choices are random.
All in all I have 4.1 hours of music on this playlist, which means that by listening to it once, this trip will be more than halfway over. I will remind myself of this and rejoice in the confined space of my dad's car's backseat. Quietly. I may rejoice and celebrate by indulging in a baby carrot.
Which brings me to the second most important thing ever on road trips: FOOD!
If, like my fourteen year old self, you're pretending to be on the run, you might enjoy gnawing on a dry bread crust while sipping warm, stale water. If you're pretending to be all grown up, here are some other nifty food choices:
1) Baby carrots <-- non-messy, non-greasy food with health benefits.
2) Sandwiches <-- make them fun, put salad on them or tomatoes and a variety of meats and cheeses. Make gourmet sandwiches.
3) Gummy bears <-- if that floats your boat.
4) Old-fashioned mint candy things to suck on <-- they're fun! 'nuff said.
5) Apple juice or something similar <-- again, health benefits
6) Apple slices/pear slices <-- pear slices are little pieces of orgasmic heaven on road trips. Just sayin'.
7) Whatever else you feel like you can't live without for seven hours.
What you should do regardless of the season: Stop for ice cream. DO it, it's the single best thing to do on a road trip, even in the dead of winter. It'll boost your morale.
Other things to take:
- Pillow-like thing to sleep against
- Blanket to snuggle up with/ to pull over your head if you have a dramatic case of I-JUST-WANT-TO-BE-ALONE-RIGHT-NOW!
- Lip balm
- Sarcasm
- Sleeping pills (eh, it's worth a try)
- Jokes to tell (depending on your company, choose wisely between something X-rated/possibly offensive and a joke you'd share with a kindergartener) Drivers love to be distracted by a good joke every once in a while. At least my driver, uhm, father enjoys the occasional chuckle. DO NOT tell a joke while driving across a snowy mountain/through a blizzard or something similar. Pretend you're not even there. You're this miniscule quark listening to music in the backseat, is what you are during weather emergencies.
And now... you're set. You'll survive your next road trip armed with all this awesome advice. Unless, of course, you're traveling with children. Then all bets are off. I wish you luck. Now go forth and explore the world by car, young grasshoppers.