When did it become July?

[ardias]

Today is the 6th of July. According to the schedule I made (back in May) I should have finished editing a paper (one I want to try and publish), be almost finished with a new writing sample, and have started an abstract for my BSG paper. As of today I have a half edited paper to try and publish, absolutly nothing for a writing sample, and the plastic wrap is still on the BSG season 2. WTF? where did all my time go? Last summer I kicked ass getting stuff done, this year I'm all bleh. I dread dealing with grad applications again. The time, the stress, the money - all of it sucks - oh and retaking the stupid gre. I knew it would be har dto get in, but I feel like I have no clue what I should be doing. Should I be writing a new sample - something entirely in the canon? I have no motivation to write something like that. I've re-read all of my old non-sf papers and most of them leave me cold. No interest and they seem like far too much work to "fix" - and none of them show what I want to do. Maybe that Cassandra thing would work - but it goes heavily into sf, but it does use a hell of a lot of theory (well in my head it does, since it's not written).

And this statement of purpose thing... Aside from 3 pages of "please let me in" repeated over and over I really have nothing. What do they want to see and what do I want to show them? I can think, I'm smart, determined, a good student, I finish everything - but that do they want to know? does any of that matter?

I am drowning and have no idea what I should do first. I need to get something done. I have a couple of professors who have generously volunteered to look over all of this shit this summer, but thus far I have nothing to send them. I suck.