Returning
I last did formal ritual at a Samhain ball nearly two years ago. When I walked away that night, I did so with the full intention to close the door on the community that I had served for nearly a decade, and to go into a self-imposed exile. I was tired, depleted, DONE. I wasn't sure if I would ever return to an open community - I just didn't have the heart to imagine wanting to do so. At times during this hiatus, I have watched Wahini's yearning for some sort of spiritual interaction with others, but I resisted for myself - and she didn't have it in her to go without me. So we lived in my Hermit world, and I was content with that for a long while.
Recently, I have been moving back toward people. My aversion to friends extended to just about everyone. I liked going to work, having friendly, inane conversations that meant nothing with people who knew little about me, and then going home to the peace and quiet and sameness of one day into the next. I needed it after being hurt - it was my burn unit healing period. But things change. My work friends have become true friends, whether I like it or not, and Wahini is welcomed right into the fold. As that has turned out all right, with no harm or disasters, I have found myself more willing to consider finding a spiritual connection "out there" again.
I went to my first ritual since that Samhain event tonight. A Priestess and Priest that I trust invited us, and extended the invitation to my new student. We went to celebrate the First Harvest, to show my student what ritual is like in a group, and to allow me to gently stick my foot back into the pool of community. And it wasn't bad at all. It was lovingly gentle, and I felt welcome and embraced. It was good. I went in with no pretension, exactly as I am right now. I didn't have on the High Priestess hat, but the fact that I had been there and done that wasn't an issue of ego at all. The Priestess and Priest innately knew that I wouldn't want to participate as anymore than a congregant, and they also knew that Wahini probably would love to be a more active part in the night. I am covered in bug bites and dried sweat, but I'm feeling peaceful. Even if it's not a part of my active spiritual practice now, I can acknowledge the beauty of the path, and look at it as an instrumental part in my Unfolding.
Good night, all.
Recently, I have been moving back toward people. My aversion to friends extended to just about everyone. I liked going to work, having friendly, inane conversations that meant nothing with people who knew little about me, and then going home to the peace and quiet and sameness of one day into the next. I needed it after being hurt - it was my burn unit healing period. But things change. My work friends have become true friends, whether I like it or not, and Wahini is welcomed right into the fold. As that has turned out all right, with no harm or disasters, I have found myself more willing to consider finding a spiritual connection "out there" again.
I went to my first ritual since that Samhain event tonight. A Priestess and Priest that I trust invited us, and extended the invitation to my new student. We went to celebrate the First Harvest, to show my student what ritual is like in a group, and to allow me to gently stick my foot back into the pool of community. And it wasn't bad at all. It was lovingly gentle, and I felt welcome and embraced. It was good. I went in with no pretension, exactly as I am right now. I didn't have on the High Priestess hat, but the fact that I had been there and done that wasn't an issue of ego at all. The Priestess and Priest innately knew that I wouldn't want to participate as anymore than a congregant, and they also knew that Wahini probably would love to be a more active part in the night. I am covered in bug bites and dried sweat, but I'm feeling peaceful. Even if it's not a part of my active spiritual practice now, I can acknowledge the beauty of the path, and look at it as an instrumental part in my Unfolding.
Good night, all.