(no subject)
well I haven't updated since June. Let's see what's changed. oh yeah, nothing.
So I'm here at Vanderbilt, and I pretty much hate it. Like I knew I would. I'm just really sad here. I'm not myself. I'm not bubbly and peppy anymore like I used to be. My voice is a lot lower and depressing. I look tired and I slouch and usually I just roll out of bed and go to class because I just don't give a shit about anything. I don't have motivation to do anything. My average in organic chemistry is a C+. I just can't bring myself to do the practice problems or study. I'm actually pretty good in chemistry normally, but here, I just don't even care. I cut a lot of my classes and just go back to my (single...no roomie) room and lie in bed. On weekends, I go to frat parties and get wasted because, for a few drunken hours, I don't have to think about just how shitty this school is and how much I DON'T like 95% of the people I meet. I intentionally go to the sketchy frats and flirt with the brothers just to get more alcohol. my parents would be so proud.
I'm ridiculously negative here. All I do is bitch and complain and say negative things. My parents called me a few days ago, and I sounded so depressed that they were about to drive over to the airport and take the next flight to Nashville to make sure I was OK. I cry all the time. I often come home at night and just cry. Usually I don't even MEAN to. I'll be doing something and then just randomly, I'll start crying.
James asked me what here made me happy. I couldn't think of anything.
Honestly, if it wasn't for the fact that I have an amazing deal here, I'd transfer. I just know that if I transfer, I lose my deal, and I can't see myself being able to do without it. Plus, I'd want to transfer to Rice, and there's no way they'd accept me. Rice (which is in Houston) HATES when kids from Houston apply there and then turn them down. I know for a fact they keep tabs on that, and I know I'd get served with a big fat rejection.
This place has sucked the life out of me.
So I'm here at Vanderbilt, and I pretty much hate it. Like I knew I would. I'm just really sad here. I'm not myself. I'm not bubbly and peppy anymore like I used to be. My voice is a lot lower and depressing. I look tired and I slouch and usually I just roll out of bed and go to class because I just don't give a shit about anything. I don't have motivation to do anything. My average in organic chemistry is a C+. I just can't bring myself to do the practice problems or study. I'm actually pretty good in chemistry normally, but here, I just don't even care. I cut a lot of my classes and just go back to my (single...no roomie) room and lie in bed. On weekends, I go to frat parties and get wasted because, for a few drunken hours, I don't have to think about just how shitty this school is and how much I DON'T like 95% of the people I meet. I intentionally go to the sketchy frats and flirt with the brothers just to get more alcohol. my parents would be so proud.
I'm ridiculously negative here. All I do is bitch and complain and say negative things. My parents called me a few days ago, and I sounded so depressed that they were about to drive over to the airport and take the next flight to Nashville to make sure I was OK. I cry all the time. I often come home at night and just cry. Usually I don't even MEAN to. I'll be doing something and then just randomly, I'll start crying.
James asked me what here made me happy. I couldn't think of anything.
Honestly, if it wasn't for the fact that I have an amazing deal here, I'd transfer. I just know that if I transfer, I lose my deal, and I can't see myself being able to do without it. Plus, I'd want to transfer to Rice, and there's no way they'd accept me. Rice (which is in Houston) HATES when kids from Houston apply there and then turn them down. I know for a fact they keep tabs on that, and I know I'd get served with a big fat rejection.
This place has sucked the life out of me.