portfolio shit
my "learning plan"
~~
Preliminary Learning Plan
As is my nature, I begin typing my preliminary learning plan, about my initial goals, expectations, and challenges of the coming semester, after I’m a full month into it. Nice work, Rob, and you’re nothing if not consistently inconsistent. So, this PLP (because I like to give things fun abbreviations) will be comprised of two parts: what I had initially planned, and what I’m planning for the rest of the semester.
Thanksgiving weekend, 2003. A pale, sickly boy with dark circles under his eyes begins writing his portfolio in the middle of the night, cursing himself for falling prey to old habits and demons of procrastination, lethargy, laziness, and incompetence. He goes on to write the majority of the academic section of his portfolio this week, and, triumphantly, finishes with a decent body of work before he goes on his field trip to Brussels. Through his tears of joy, relief, and exhaustion, he makes a vow that he will begin working on his next portfolio the same night that he arrives back into London in January.
Arriving back in London, I was filled with such excitement and powerful energy that I was incredibly pumped about channeling into portfolio work, in what I expected to be my greatest accomplishment yet, culminating in one kind of magnum opus paper about gender and religion. My overall goals were of attaining and maintaining a sense of balance and competence. My only friend had chosen not to return to London and I was set for a few months of locking myself in my room and working all the time and being damn proud of what I was doing. I wanted to focus on improving my academic writing, while continuing my study of Islam, although I as of yet did not have any concrete method for doing this. Another important theme that was an underlying current through all of this was to grow up, in a way - to find a job and work on balancing that with my academic work and in a sense, become an independent person. I wanted to save up money to travel, because not being able to do so last semester because of monetary resources was my biggest frustration.
I had also jumped back into my pagan spirituality in recent months and wanted to work on being able to see the sacred in my previously-shunned urban environment, and be able to enjoy myself as much in the context of a city as I could in the middle of a forest.
Also, I had ambitiously chosen to take on 8 classes and 18 credits, a decision that sometimes makes me question my sanity and my ability to make healthy, well-thought-out decisions for myself.
A couple of days after arriving, I met Danielle Helm, and everything seemed to change. Affecting me both positively and negatively, but always profoundly, Danielle brought me out of my hermitage and back into the world. At the same time, I lost some of my focus and, although I was writing a small amount almost every night, as of this time I still have not written any substantial piece of academic writing, because so often all I want to do is hang out with her and talk about sex and life. Meeting Danielle and having one great friend to share this experience with has not only made me feel more confident about myself, but has also helped me develop a backbone in my relations with others. No longer feeling the need to have everyone like me and be everyone’s best friend, I’ve become more relaxed and outspoken and have refused to surround myself with people who make me feel like I’m less wonderful than I really am - at times causing gossip and controversy, to which I’ve historically turned a deaf ear. Things seem pretty good, until...
The last week of February. A few days prior, Danielle and I had ordered a plane ticket to Sardinia, and are going away from March 4th-9th. I look at the calendar, and have a horrible moment of panic. I realize that after the week we’re away, there is about a week and a half until our field trip to Rome and Slovenia, followed by another week and a half until my friend Emily comes to visit, and then I fly home three days after she leaves. Doing the math, I realized that I have about four weeks to finish my portfolio, and I haven’t been able to relax ever since.
With my experiences on that fateful Thanksgiving weekend still fresh in my memory, I know that getting the portfolio done on time most likely will not be an issue. The problem lies in the fact that I made that vow to myself that I would produce a body of work that I’m proud of, and to start early so I have plenty of time to thoroughly research and edit each piece of writing that makes it into the final version - it seemed like I was robbed of that security almost over night. Now it’s time to start cranking into overdrive and begin writing feverishly.
My goals have changed somewhat since January - some have strengthened and evolved, some have dropped or became secondary. My research into Islam has been shelved for focus on my Independent Project, which sprang to life accidentally, and wound up working it’s way into almost every relevant area of my life in which I needed an opportunity for growth. I gave up on the job search to devote time to travel and writing, my two favorite and most neglected activities. My one huge academic paper may have turned into a series of small ones, I’m still unsure of my direction. Stupidly, I’ve neglected to meet with Rajini the last few weeks - I’ve only actually had one advising session with her so far - and I’m wishing I hadn’t been so avoidant.
So, crunch time comes early this semester. How am I going to deal with it, besides writing pages and pages about how overwhelming and scary it is? How do I get this done and vary my writing to let some of my positive, sunny spirit shine through that seemed to be conspicuously and alarmingly absent from my last portfolio? What are my goals for the remaining two months? What do I want to learn about myself and the world that I’m just now starting to realize that I am a part of? What are my weaknesses, and what can I develop - and how? Am I starting to get a clearer sense of what I might want to do with the next few years of my life beyond the summer, or are they still a random chaotic void of darkness? And, most importantly, how many open-ended questions can one student ask himself before he drowns in his own sea of self-reflective introspection and wordiness?
My main focus hasn’t changed, but how I’m going about it has varied, and I’m still struggling to make it blend together with my academic life the way that I want it to. If I had to oversimplify, I would say that right now, the main thing I want to do is live - loudly, largely, and healthily. This includes a balance of work and play, extroversion and introversion, physical and mental activity, and time to sit around and watch Farscape. Working on my project with Danielle has brought so many wonderful and unexpected surprises into my life and continues to fill me with wonder and delight. I want to strengthen my relationships with those select few that I have a desire of becoming close to, while loosening and distancing myself from those that I’m tied to out of obligation or circumstance, from whom I feel stunted.
Academically, I want to finish my portfolio, or at least all of the writing for it, by the time Emily gets here on April 16th. I don’t know if this is a healthy or realistic deadline to set for myself, or if my work will suffer for it. My academic life is hugely more important to me than last semester, but unfortunately, still comes second to my love of freedom from obligation and freedom to enjoy life on all cylinders without things like portfolio writing to bog me down. Emily may be my favorite person in the world next to my sister, and although I consider her my best friend and someone I’m closer to more than almost anyone else in existance, we’ve had no time to just be together one on one before. Her visit here, and our adventures in Scotland, and the strengthening of our bond of sisterhood and love that will flow from this experience together, are more important to me than college credit.
That being said, turning in quality work is still a top priority, and Emily’s visit and my subsequent moment of panic may very well be the catalyst toward forcing me to get myself together and work like a madman. As usual, the issue appears to be one of time management and lack of focus more than anything else. Time to cut the bullshit and get things done.
I want gender to be a big part of my study this semester - the subject is so broad that I was considering writing this huge paper on it, but I’m feeling overwhelmed by this and may want to break it up into smaller sections of connected topics and have that comprise the bulk of my Global Issues portfolio section. In particular I want to focus on the role of women in religion and the demonization of the principle of the sacred feminine. Additonal writing may be on the theory of gender as a fluid spectrum and something that is not as rigidly static as what reproductive organs a person has. I want to continue working on my project which is helping me to appreciate and make the most of my surroundings. I want to broaden my knowledge of shamanism and alternative healing, which may end up factoring into my eventual four year plan at Friends World in some way. I want to work hard on my languages and try really, really, really hard to write an academic paper without using the word “I”. I want to feel like and adult who is capable of communicating in an appropriate fashion, while still leaving room for fart jokes. I want to be on Air India on May 6th holding a copy of my portfolio in my hands and, while flipping through it, think to myself “You know something? I’m pretty damn smart.”
~~
Preliminary Learning Plan
As is my nature, I begin typing my preliminary learning plan, about my initial goals, expectations, and challenges of the coming semester, after I’m a full month into it. Nice work, Rob, and you’re nothing if not consistently inconsistent. So, this PLP (because I like to give things fun abbreviations) will be comprised of two parts: what I had initially planned, and what I’m planning for the rest of the semester.
Thanksgiving weekend, 2003. A pale, sickly boy with dark circles under his eyes begins writing his portfolio in the middle of the night, cursing himself for falling prey to old habits and demons of procrastination, lethargy, laziness, and incompetence. He goes on to write the majority of the academic section of his portfolio this week, and, triumphantly, finishes with a decent body of work before he goes on his field trip to Brussels. Through his tears of joy, relief, and exhaustion, he makes a vow that he will begin working on his next portfolio the same night that he arrives back into London in January.
Arriving back in London, I was filled with such excitement and powerful energy that I was incredibly pumped about channeling into portfolio work, in what I expected to be my greatest accomplishment yet, culminating in one kind of magnum opus paper about gender and religion. My overall goals were of attaining and maintaining a sense of balance and competence. My only friend had chosen not to return to London and I was set for a few months of locking myself in my room and working all the time and being damn proud of what I was doing. I wanted to focus on improving my academic writing, while continuing my study of Islam, although I as of yet did not have any concrete method for doing this. Another important theme that was an underlying current through all of this was to grow up, in a way - to find a job and work on balancing that with my academic work and in a sense, become an independent person. I wanted to save up money to travel, because not being able to do so last semester because of monetary resources was my biggest frustration.
I had also jumped back into my pagan spirituality in recent months and wanted to work on being able to see the sacred in my previously-shunned urban environment, and be able to enjoy myself as much in the context of a city as I could in the middle of a forest.
Also, I had ambitiously chosen to take on 8 classes and 18 credits, a decision that sometimes makes me question my sanity and my ability to make healthy, well-thought-out decisions for myself.
A couple of days after arriving, I met Danielle Helm, and everything seemed to change. Affecting me both positively and negatively, but always profoundly, Danielle brought me out of my hermitage and back into the world. At the same time, I lost some of my focus and, although I was writing a small amount almost every night, as of this time I still have not written any substantial piece of academic writing, because so often all I want to do is hang out with her and talk about sex and life. Meeting Danielle and having one great friend to share this experience with has not only made me feel more confident about myself, but has also helped me develop a backbone in my relations with others. No longer feeling the need to have everyone like me and be everyone’s best friend, I’ve become more relaxed and outspoken and have refused to surround myself with people who make me feel like I’m less wonderful than I really am - at times causing gossip and controversy, to which I’ve historically turned a deaf ear. Things seem pretty good, until...
The last week of February. A few days prior, Danielle and I had ordered a plane ticket to Sardinia, and are going away from March 4th-9th. I look at the calendar, and have a horrible moment of panic. I realize that after the week we’re away, there is about a week and a half until our field trip to Rome and Slovenia, followed by another week and a half until my friend Emily comes to visit, and then I fly home three days after she leaves. Doing the math, I realized that I have about four weeks to finish my portfolio, and I haven’t been able to relax ever since.
With my experiences on that fateful Thanksgiving weekend still fresh in my memory, I know that getting the portfolio done on time most likely will not be an issue. The problem lies in the fact that I made that vow to myself that I would produce a body of work that I’m proud of, and to start early so I have plenty of time to thoroughly research and edit each piece of writing that makes it into the final version - it seemed like I was robbed of that security almost over night. Now it’s time to start cranking into overdrive and begin writing feverishly.
My goals have changed somewhat since January - some have strengthened and evolved, some have dropped or became secondary. My research into Islam has been shelved for focus on my Independent Project, which sprang to life accidentally, and wound up working it’s way into almost every relevant area of my life in which I needed an opportunity for growth. I gave up on the job search to devote time to travel and writing, my two favorite and most neglected activities. My one huge academic paper may have turned into a series of small ones, I’m still unsure of my direction. Stupidly, I’ve neglected to meet with Rajini the last few weeks - I’ve only actually had one advising session with her so far - and I’m wishing I hadn’t been so avoidant.
So, crunch time comes early this semester. How am I going to deal with it, besides writing pages and pages about how overwhelming and scary it is? How do I get this done and vary my writing to let some of my positive, sunny spirit shine through that seemed to be conspicuously and alarmingly absent from my last portfolio? What are my goals for the remaining two months? What do I want to learn about myself and the world that I’m just now starting to realize that I am a part of? What are my weaknesses, and what can I develop - and how? Am I starting to get a clearer sense of what I might want to do with the next few years of my life beyond the summer, or are they still a random chaotic void of darkness? And, most importantly, how many open-ended questions can one student ask himself before he drowns in his own sea of self-reflective introspection and wordiness?
My main focus hasn’t changed, but how I’m going about it has varied, and I’m still struggling to make it blend together with my academic life the way that I want it to. If I had to oversimplify, I would say that right now, the main thing I want to do is live - loudly, largely, and healthily. This includes a balance of work and play, extroversion and introversion, physical and mental activity, and time to sit around and watch Farscape. Working on my project with Danielle has brought so many wonderful and unexpected surprises into my life and continues to fill me with wonder and delight. I want to strengthen my relationships with those select few that I have a desire of becoming close to, while loosening and distancing myself from those that I’m tied to out of obligation or circumstance, from whom I feel stunted.
Academically, I want to finish my portfolio, or at least all of the writing for it, by the time Emily gets here on April 16th. I don’t know if this is a healthy or realistic deadline to set for myself, or if my work will suffer for it. My academic life is hugely more important to me than last semester, but unfortunately, still comes second to my love of freedom from obligation and freedom to enjoy life on all cylinders without things like portfolio writing to bog me down. Emily may be my favorite person in the world next to my sister, and although I consider her my best friend and someone I’m closer to more than almost anyone else in existance, we’ve had no time to just be together one on one before. Her visit here, and our adventures in Scotland, and the strengthening of our bond of sisterhood and love that will flow from this experience together, are more important to me than college credit.
That being said, turning in quality work is still a top priority, and Emily’s visit and my subsequent moment of panic may very well be the catalyst toward forcing me to get myself together and work like a madman. As usual, the issue appears to be one of time management and lack of focus more than anything else. Time to cut the bullshit and get things done.
I want gender to be a big part of my study this semester - the subject is so broad that I was considering writing this huge paper on it, but I’m feeling overwhelmed by this and may want to break it up into smaller sections of connected topics and have that comprise the bulk of my Global Issues portfolio section. In particular I want to focus on the role of women in religion and the demonization of the principle of the sacred feminine. Additonal writing may be on the theory of gender as a fluid spectrum and something that is not as rigidly static as what reproductive organs a person has. I want to continue working on my project which is helping me to appreciate and make the most of my surroundings. I want to broaden my knowledge of shamanism and alternative healing, which may end up factoring into my eventual four year plan at Friends World in some way. I want to work hard on my languages and try really, really, really hard to write an academic paper without using the word “I”. I want to feel like and adult who is capable of communicating in an appropriate fashion, while still leaving room for fart jokes. I want to be on Air India on May 6th holding a copy of my portfolio in my hands and, while flipping through it, think to myself “You know something? I’m pretty damn smart.”