What, exactly, have i become?
My dad left popcorn in a bag on the counter. It's kinda stale. Why do I want to eat it so badly???
I really wish I could understand why food has become such a fucking issue with me. My brain has somehow created this fucked up logic that eating is a bad thing or something. And it doesn't happen all the time, just on occasion. Now I'm making veggie soup to try to replace old popcorn, and I'm so tempted to check the sodium content cuz i know it's loaded with it. And goddess forbid I check the calories and shit, cuz i know it will become a habit.
And I taste the food and it's so good, and I hate myself for liking it and wanting more, then I realize that's ridiculous, and i hate myself for hating myself for liking it...
God dammnit! I have been trying so hard to gain weight and I'm fucking it all up! I'm so sick of my hip bones jutting out, yet the idea of them being gone sparks an anxiety deeper than i usually feel. CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL FOR A CHANGE???
I really wish I could understand why food has become such a fucking issue with me. My brain has somehow created this fucked up logic that eating is a bad thing or something. And it doesn't happen all the time, just on occasion. Now I'm making veggie soup to try to replace old popcorn, and I'm so tempted to check the sodium content cuz i know it's loaded with it. And goddess forbid I check the calories and shit, cuz i know it will become a habit.
And I taste the food and it's so good, and I hate myself for liking it and wanting more, then I realize that's ridiculous, and i hate myself for hating myself for liking it...
God dammnit! I have been trying so hard to gain weight and I'm fucking it all up! I'm so sick of my hip bones jutting out, yet the idea of them being gone sparks an anxiety deeper than i usually feel. CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL FOR A CHANGE???